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Old 12-30-2017, 08:49 PM   #1291
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Some advice for all our PA Senior citizens:

Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Never take Viagra with a laxative- you won't know whether your coming or going
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Old 01-01-2018, 07:55 PM   #1292
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Shane walked into the bar and sit on the chair. He says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, “What’s the matter? I think it is too much.”

Shane replies, “I found out my brother is gay and marrying with my best friend.”

The next day Shane comes again to the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.

The bartenders asks, “What’s wrong this time?”

Shane answers, “I found out that my son is gay.”

The next day the Shane comes in the bar and orders 20 shots of whiskey.

Then the bartender asks, “Doesn’t anyone in your family like women?”

Shane looks up to the bartender and says, “Apprently my wife does.”
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Old 01-22-2018, 09:10 PM   #1293
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Wrestling Humor

In honor of Monday Night RAW's 25th anniversary today, here's one from the squared circle..

The Undertaker was driving a minivan to his next match in Chicago, and he had 9 other wrestlers riding with him. It was mid July and hot outside, so he pulled into a Dairy Queen to get ice cream cones.

"How may I help you?" asked the voice at the drive thru.
"10 large cones."
"What flavors?"
"1 chocolate, 1 vanilla, and the rest......in peach!"
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Old 02-03-2018, 06:44 PM   #1294
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"Your wife died from blunt force trauma due a golf ball hitting he right between the eyes." the Sheriff told the widower husband. "It is your golf ball."

"It was a mistake, I didn't mean to hit here. IT was a mistake!" cried the man.

"We also found a golf ball implanted in her rectum," added the Coroner.

"Oh, that was my mulligan!"
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Old 02-04-2018, 01:27 PM   #1295
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LOL

Saw this today and thought I'd share it. LOL

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Old 02-04-2018, 05:35 PM   #1296
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"We need to remove your appendix." the doctor said.
"I want a second opinion."
"Well, it could be your gall bladder."
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Old 02-04-2018, 05:41 PM   #1297
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Old 02-04-2018, 11:24 PM   #1298
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Quote:
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"We need to remove your appendix." the doctor said.
"I want a second opinion."
"Well, it could be your gall bladder."
I thought the classic punchline to that joke was "You're ugly, too".

Always good to have choices.!
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Old 03-12-2018, 12:14 PM   #1299
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A Day at the Races

A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher, and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their little 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one little guy, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade.”

“No, ma’am." he replied, "I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help."
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Old 03-12-2018, 05:21 PM   #1300
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Bill shows up to work on Monday wearing a yellow jacket, with blue stripes, Green pants with red stripes, and a pink tie.

"Bill! what's up with the suit?" asks Marty.

"Oh man, they were having a big sale at Cox's Department Store, so I decided to go there Saturday to pick up a searsucker suit for the summer. Well, you know I'm a bit dyslexic, and I ended up going to Sears instead!
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Old 03-16-2018, 03:51 PM   #1301
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Don't try this at home:

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Old 03-17-2018, 12:08 AM   #1302
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Q. What do you get when you cross a dyslexic an insomniac and a agnostic?

A. Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.......
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Old 03-17-2018, 03:10 AM   #1303
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Q. What does a professional horseplayer have in common with a medium pizza?

A. Neither can feed a family of four.
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Old 03-17-2018, 02:16 PM   #1304
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The Japanese Air Force general during WW 2 was addressing a squadron of his elite pilots.

"Our honorable nation of Japan guided by the wisdom of our honorable emperor Hirohito is on the verge of defeating the dishonorable American fleet.But to deliver the final blow, I am ordering all of you honorable pilots to become honorable kamakazes today.All of you are to find any American ship;aircraft carrier, cargo ship, troop ship, etc and directly fly into the ship and destroy it Yes, this will result in the loss of your honorable lives but the honorable victory we achieve for the honorable people of Japan will arise from your honorable death. Are there any questions.?"

A pilot raises his hand and the general says " The honorable Captain Hiroku has a question. What is it, Captain?"

Captain Hiroku replies "Yes, I want to know if the honorable general is out of his honorable f**king mind?"
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Old 03-17-2018, 04:14 PM   #1305
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Otto came to the US to live in March.
After a couple of weeks, he took 100 marks to the bank to exchange for dollars. The teller gave him 63 dollars.

A couple of weeks later, Otto took another 100 mark in and the teller gave him 58 dollars.

Otto was surprised and asked why?

"Oh," said the teller, "The money market fluctuates."

Two weeks later, Otto takes another 100 mark in an the teller gives him 49 dollars.

Otto counted out his money and said to the teller, "Fluct again, huh?"
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