Hear any good horse racing jokes?

[098poi]

Originally Posted by DSB

Two degenerate gamblers are entering the track.

One turns to the other and says, "I sure hope I break even today.... I can use the money."

Excellent!

Along similar lines,

A guy walks out of a track and says to a guy walking in, "Buddy can you help me out with 20 bucks, my wife is in the hospital and I need cab fare." The other guy replies, "How do I know if I give you 20 bucks you won't just use it to gamble?"

The first guy says, "Oh I got gambling money!"

[Prytanis]

After the horses hit the wire at Aqueduct's first race and a big long shot won, a guy fell to the floor and some bystanders run to his aid. One of them checked his pulse and also noticed a ticket in the man's hand. The man gets up and said the following: He is dead, but he is alive in the double!!

[v j stauffer]

Something like that really happened at Pomona. Guy didn't die though. John Papalardo who trained in So.Cal had a heart attack during the running of the 2nd race. Medic and friends rush up to him. Papa Papa are you OK. As he's being wheeled off to the Ambulance he reaches into his pocket. Maybe to get his wife's number or a rosary. Something. Hands a ticket to his buddy. Check this I was live in the double. Couldn't see the finish after I collapsed.

[v j stauffer]

Buddy Hackett used to tell this story on Johnny Carson. Goes to Vegas with his wife.

They meet up after gambling most of the evening. Buddy says to her. So how'd you do? Well I lost $50. What. Are you nuts? You lost $50? What the hell happened? We can't afford that! Sheesh.

Wife says what are you talking about? Me? You lost $3500!!!

Hackett says back. YEAH. BUT I KNOW HOW TO GAMBLE!!!!

[v j stauffer]

Actually saw this one take place.

Vegas Sports book. Firing all day long betting College Football. Guy goes 0-13. Loses $2860. Crushed!

Buddy says well the only thing left on the board is hockey. Maybe we can hit a few games and get you started on a comeback.

Other guy says. Whata you nuts? I don't know anything about Hockey!

[Robert Fischer]

Originally Posted by Dave Schwartz

The best one that I know of.


A guy is in a movie theater back in the day when it was customary to show newsreels before the show.

The previous year's Kentucky Derby is on the newsreel and the horses are in a head-to-head battle in the stretch. From the back of the theater, a loud voice cries out, "I've got $20 on the inside horse!"

Knowing that the outside horse won the race, our guy stands up and says, "I'll take your bet."

Of course, the outside horse wins, the loser pays off and everybody watches the movie.

A couple of nights later the guy is back in the same theater, watching the same show again. Same newsreel comes on. Again, from the back of the theater, comes the same voice as the other night: "I've got $50 on the inside horse!"

Our guy says, "You're faded." Of course, same result, and our friend is ahead another $50.

After the movie he catches up with the loser and says, "I have to ask. I was in here the other night and we watched those same two horses in the battle to the wire. The outside horse won. How could you make another bet on the same race?"

"Well," says the loser, with a hint of incredulity in his voice, "It was his second time over the track."

Good one Dave.