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Old 12-30-2020, 07:51 AM   #16
tucker6
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Addiction often lives with other mental illness and can be hard to separate from other things going on. Genetics plays a part as well. I have been told a million times that unless you have an addiction you canít understand what is going on. They are right. I donít understand the warped decision making process. I do believe that the brain is very powerful and the ďneedsĒ of the brain can override conscious reasoning. That said, if the addict is unwilling to walk the path of sobriety, then others are not bound to stick by them.
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Old 12-30-2020, 08:27 AM   #17
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Plenty of fish in the sea. Go find a good one that won't make your life a daily trip to hell
That has nothing to do with the topic....am not dating said person...

all that aside...yeah am looking for a "good" one...but that's a whole 'nother' topic...
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Old 12-30-2020, 08:36 AM   #18
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Thanks for the replies...the parents were/are alcoholics....

But whether it's a disease (genetic) or lack of self discipline....looking like the only answer...is said person has to make up their own mind to quit....

I do know that sometimes trying to help backfires....it's just hard to walk away from someone you care about....have done it before....earlier in life...didn't regret it...if person won't help themselves....you got your OWN problems to deal with....

Again thanks all...
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Old 12-30-2020, 08:41 AM   #19
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They know they're an Alkie....even worse....they're engaged to an Alkie...
It's not a social problem, I believe it is a disease or mental health problem, with a lot of psychological baggage attatched, self-harm, and othe stuff, which is probably why they talk about co-dependencies.

2 alkies are surely not a good combination for helping each other.

Most everyone I've ever known who quit drinking did it because they decided to do it, and then sought out the kind of support needed to be successful.

In other words, as a "friend" there is little you can do other than be supportive if and when they decide to get some help.

SOrry about your friend. It is certainly difficult to stand by and watch someone you care about destroy themselves andd their life.... but often also negatively impacting other lives of those around them.

Last edited by clicknow; 12-30-2020 at 08:45 AM.
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Old 12-30-2020, 08:51 AM   #20
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I just question the composition of his "character"...which allowed him to get addicted to drinking in the first place.
I don't believe mental illness is a weakness of character. It's an illness, like any other illness, except not physical.

As for "getting addicted in the first place", there are more than enough studies on people who did a drug ONE TIME, and were immediately addicted. It's a brain thing or something.

Many people coming out of bad surgeries, who stay even an extra week or 2 on
pain killers often end up "addicted". That is a verifiable and repeatable medical fact, and has to do with someone's biology.

Of course if you believe in science, which I do, science is evidence-based, and repeatable. That's what makes it science.

I am sorry about your wife, and I do understand the torture you speak of, as my SIL has been fighting cancer for quite a long time.

Her situation made me aware that having your health is *everything*. I have never put anything above that, not money or anything else. When you're "there" like your wife was, and you as well as her spouse and caregiver, you understand that. Most people kinda don't because they have not stood on the precipice, at the very edge. When and if they do, everything else fades away as rather unimportant.

Last edited by clicknow; 12-30-2020 at 09:01 AM.
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Old 12-30-2020, 09:55 AM   #21
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In my line of work (service industry) substance abuse is very prevalent, and Iíve encountered far too many addicts of all kinds.
Pills, alcohol, hard drugs...you name it.

I know of a few success stories where people were able to get sober together and help keep one another strong. I know a few couples who met in rehab and are still clean and still together.
Sometimes having a companion whoís going through it with you can be a great asset. Sometimes though, one can slip up and take the other one with them.
Depends on the individuals involved.

I wish the best for your people Sammy
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Old 12-30-2020, 10:40 AM   #22
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Some of the AA and NA groups are pretty good.

Nobody has a chance of changing, if they do not want to.

It takes about a week to make an acute physical change in most of life's habitual behaviors(whether it's alcohol, coffee, hard drugs, sleep schedule, eating habits, etc...).

At least the first half of that week could be miserable. May need medical supervision in the case of something like a severe alcohol addiction. May need to take a week off of work and life.

There also has to be a long-term, life-navigation plan to avoid relapsing.

May require an understanding of what draws you to that place/self-medicating, and healthy(ier) lifestyles/habits/social-groups.
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Last edited by Robert Fischer; 12-30-2020 at 10:41 AM.
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Old 12-31-2020, 09:20 AM   #23
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Best way to help him/her is to be an example. Stop drinking yourself.
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Old 12-31-2020, 08:34 PM   #24
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Best way to help him/her is to be an example. Stop drinking yourself.
pretty sure I drink less than you...being as I have gout....besides....there's absolutely zero interaction with said person after 5pm....they live their life and I mine....but hey....it's ok for you to ASSume....which is a BAD trait many people have...

Like it's been said...no good deed goes unpunished....has happened before...(at least 3 people owe me 2k...many more $500...oh well....life goes on....sometimes it is better not see anyone again than get paid back....still...I will ALWAYS try to help my fellow man/woman....
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