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Old 02-24-2019, 09:10 PM   #1411
ldiatone
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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the dash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9…
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Old 03-03-2019, 07:49 AM   #1412
jk3521
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What did Jeffrey Dahlmer say to Lorena Bobbit ?....

Excuse me ? You gonna eat that ?

Last edited by jk3521; 03-03-2019 at 08:02 AM.
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Old 03-03-2019, 09:41 AM   #1413
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jk3521 View Post
What did Jeffrey Dahlmer say to Lorena Bobbit ?....

Excuse me ? You gonna eat that ?
What were Jeffrey Dahmer's dying words?

"It must have been someone I ate".
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Old 03-03-2019, 08:40 PM   #1414
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What were Jeffrey Dahmer's dying words?

"It must have been someone I ate".
Jeffrey Dahmer biopic???????????????????

"I think I'll have another poboy!"
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Old 03-04-2019, 09:43 AM   #1415
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Probably on here already, but : Jeffrey Dahmer's shampoo.....head and shoulders.
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Old 03-15-2019, 05:54 PM   #1416
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Happy St. Patrick's Day!


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Old 03-15-2019, 06:01 PM   #1417
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More?


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Old 03-15-2019, 06:08 PM   #1418
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OK, two more....


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Old 03-15-2019, 09:39 PM   #1419
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Why wasn't Jesus born in America?



They couldn't find a virgin or three wise men.
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Old 03-15-2019, 09:50 PM   #1420
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Probably on here already, but : Jeffrey Dahmer's shampoo.....head and shoulders.


His mother always said he would get ahead.


Also, he told the cops, "if you open that fridge, heads are gonna roll..."
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Old 03-15-2019, 10:47 PM   #1421
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He not very smart - everyone knows heads go in the crisper!
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Old 03-15-2019, 10:55 PM   #1422
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Old 03-15-2019, 11:07 PM   #1423
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Dahmer's cellmate was taken to the prison psych ward after he appeared depressed for a several days.

The doctors asked him, What eating you?"


Imagine Jeffery Dahmer and Hannibal Lecter as cell mates!
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Old 03-16-2019, 10:01 PM   #1424
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Two polish construction workers are standing outside of a building, gazing up at a flagpole.

A woman comes by and asks what they are doing.

One says, " We have to figure out how to measure the height of this flagpole."

She grabs a wrench from the toolbox, unscrews the pole from the base and lays it flat on the ground.

She then gets a tape measure and stretches it out. "36 1/2 feet", she says.

When she walks away, the one says to the other, "Typical know-it-all woman; we need the height and she gives us the length."
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Old 03-18-2019, 07:59 PM   #1425
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A man goes over to his girlfriend's house for dinner with the parents for the first time. While at the table, he tries to silently squeak out a fart that comes out too quick and is heard by everyone. The father looks under the table and says, "Rover...get out from under that chair"..

The guy realizes that the dog is under his chair and the father thinks it's the dog farting so he let's them rip a few more times...

Finally, the father says, "Rover...get out from under that chair before this guy shits on you!!.
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