Horse Racing Forum - PaceAdvantage.Com - Horse Racing Message Board

Go Back   Horse Racing Forum - PaceAdvantage.Com - Horse Racing Message Board > Off Topic > Off Topic - General


Reply
 
Thread Tools Rating: Thread Rating: 102 votes, 5.00 average.
Old 08-08-2013, 11:31 AM   #31
magwell
Registered User
 
magwell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,202
Rep Power: 13 magwell is on a distinguished road

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this -- you cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians ... it creates a hostile work environment..
__________________
I hate losing more than I love winning......
magwell is offline   Reply With Quote Reply
Old 08-08-2013, 11:47 AM   #32
HUSKER55
Registered User
 
HUSKER55's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: MILWAUKEE
Posts: 5,285
Rep Power: 17 HUSKER55 is on a distinguished road
GOOD ONE!
__________________
Never tell your problems to anyone because 20% flat don't care and 80% are glad they are yours.

No Balls.......No baby!

Have you ever noticed that those who do not have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of always seem to know how to handle the money of those who do.
HUSKER55 is offline   Reply With Quote Reply
Old 08-08-2013, 11:44 PM   #33
Tom
Registered User
 
Tom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canandaigua, New york
Posts: 88,209
Rep Power: 115 Tom is a splendid one to beholdTom is a splendid one to beholdTom is a splendid one to beholdTom is a splendid one to beholdTom is a splendid one to beholdTom is a splendid one to beholdTom is a splendid one to beholdTom is a splendid one to behold
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...ken-night.html

Quote:
A 64-year-old man has told how he passed out after a heavy night drinking and woke up to find that his penis was missing.

Wow, you know how mad you get when you can't find your KEYS!
I dunno, is this for real, or this guy just nuts?
__________________
Who does the Racing Form Detective like in this one?
Tom is offline   Reply With Quote Reply
Old 08-11-2013, 11:49 AM   #34
magwell
Registered User
 
magwell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,202
Rep Power: 13 magwell is on a distinguished road
Fox news......

Interesting FL impacts….

The Reverend Jesse Jackson, in the wake of the Trayvon Martin verdict, made
this proclamation several days ago-

"I want all African Americans to know that it is time to boycott the whole
state of Florida!!! No concerts, conventions or ball games. No vacations in
the sunshine state and no orange juice. Stay away from Florida. Boycott
anything FROM Florida!"

Fox News noted that almost instantly, the property values in Florida shot up
and vacation spots began to sell out. The crime rate is expected to continue
to fall to record lows until the boycott is over.
__________________
I hate losing more than I love winning......
magwell is offline   Reply With Quote Reply
Old 08-11-2013, 11:57 AM   #35
Steve 'StatMan'
"Oh Bother," said Pooh.
 
Steve 'StatMan''s Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: 2 miles north of Wrigley Field
Posts: 5,253
Rep Power: 22 Steve 'StatMan' will become famous soon enoughSteve 'StatMan' will become famous soon enough
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...ken-night.html




Wow, you know how mad you get when you can't find your KEYS!
I dunno, is this for real, or this guy just nuts?
It took me a second read later to get this one!
Steve 'StatMan' is offline   Reply With Quote Reply
Old 08-13-2013, 12:11 PM   #36
magwell
Registered User
 
magwell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,202
Rep Power: 13 magwell is on a distinguished road
High Urinals




A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.





When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the mens room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.
Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.



As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, 'You must be in the 5th grade.'
'No, ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help;-)







__________________
I hate losing more than I love winning......
magwell is offline   Reply With Quote Reply
Old 08-14-2013, 08:34 AM   #37
magwell
Registered User
 
magwell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,202
Rep Power: 13 magwell is on a distinguished road
Political humor




http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=wrRTau5jusU
__________________
I hate losing more than I love winning......
magwell is offline   Reply With Quote Reply
Old 08-14-2013, 02:02 PM   #38
HUSKER55
Registered User
 
HUSKER55's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: MILWAUKEE
Posts: 5,285
Rep Power: 17 HUSKER55 is on a distinguished road
if you want a stable relationship........buy a horse
__________________
Never tell your problems to anyone because 20% flat don't care and 80% are glad they are yours.

No Balls.......No baby!

Have you ever noticed that those who do not have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of always seem to know how to handle the money of those who do.
HUSKER55 is offline   Reply With Quote Reply
Old 08-14-2013, 03:50 PM   #39
Trijack
Registered User
 
Trijack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: San Juan Capistrano, Ca
Posts: 1,120
Rep Power: 19 Trijack will become famous soon enough
Sunday morning sex

Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
__________________
Trijack
Trijack is offline   Reply With Quote Reply
Old 08-14-2013, 08:01 PM   #40
Ocala Mike
Registered User
 
Ocala Mike's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 4,100
Rep Power: 15 Ocala Mike is a jewel in the roughOcala Mike is a jewel in the roughOcala Mike is a jewel in the rough
HUMOR



That one got me!
Ocala Mike is offline   Reply With Quote Reply
Old 08-14-2013, 08:17 PM   #41
Longshot6977
Registered User
 
Longshot6977's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Central New Jersey
Posts: 1,258
Rep Power: 7 Longshot6977 is on a distinguished road
Quote:
Originally Posted by magwell

Reagan is great. Good delivery on every joke. Then listen to Obama near the end. Makes a bumbling fool of himself trying to get a joke out.
Longshot6977 is offline   Reply With Quote Reply
Old 08-15-2013, 12:37 AM   #42
HUSKER55
Registered User
 
HUSKER55's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: MILWAUKEE
Posts: 5,285
Rep Power: 17 HUSKER55 is on a distinguished road
SUNDAY MORNING SEX

GOOD ONE
__________________
Never tell your problems to anyone because 20% flat don't care and 80% are glad they are yours.

No Balls.......No baby!

Have you ever noticed that those who do not have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of always seem to know how to handle the money of those who do.
HUSKER55 is offline   Reply With Quote Reply
Old 08-15-2013, 01:33 PM   #43
magwell
Registered User
 
magwell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,202
Rep Power: 13 magwell is on a distinguished road
old sailor

Norman, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the
docks once more, for old times sake and some hot sex.
He engages a lovely prostitute and takes her up to a room.

He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some
reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?'

The prostitute replies, 'Well Norman, ya old sailor, you're doing about
three knots.'

'Three knots?' he asks. ' What's that supposed to mean?'

She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your
money back.'





__________________
I hate losing more than I love winning......
magwell is offline   Reply With Quote Reply
Old 08-16-2013, 08:24 AM   #44
sammy the sage
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: central fla.
Posts: 3,425
Rep Power: 20 sammy the sage has a spectacular aura aboutsammy the sage has a spectacular aura about
SUMBITCH

A filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 10ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in."

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool! Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars."

"No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Leroy. The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?"

No thanks. I don't want it," answered Leroy.

The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?" Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy, then what do you want?"

Leroy said, "I want the name of the sumbitch who pushed me in the pool!"
__________________
Shoot the messenger...pretty much the norm...instead of discussing the message...regardless of the topic...but at least then...you KNOW that what your take was....is correct...and cannot be handled by those attacking the messenger...keep piling on....it's all good...just my 2 cents worth...1943 copper that is!
sammy the sage is offline   Reply With Quote Reply
Old 08-16-2013, 10:31 PM   #45
sammy the sage
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: central fla.
Posts: 3,425
Rep Power: 20 sammy the sage has a spectacular aura aboutsammy the sage has a spectacular aura about
Southern Ingenuity



One morning 3 South Georgia good old boys and 3 Yankees were in a ticket line at the Albany train station heading to Athens for a big football game..

The 3 Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the 3 Southerners bought just one ticket among them.

"How are the 3 of you going to travel on one ticket?" asked one of the Yankees.

"Watch and learn" answered one of the boys from the South.

When the 6 travelers boarded the train, the 3 Yankees sat down, but the 3 Southerners crammed into a bathroom together and closed the door.

Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets..

He knocked on the bathroom door and said, "tickets please." the door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The Conductor took it and moved on.

The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea.. Indeed, so clever that they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.

That evening after the game when they got to the Charlotte train station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip while to their astonishment the 3 Southerners didn't buy even 1 ticket.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one of the perplexed Yankees.

"Watch and learn", answered one of the Southern boys.

When they boarded the train the 3 Northerners crammed themselves into a bathroom and the 3 Southerners crammed themselves into the other bathroom across from it.

Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left their bathroom and walked quietly over to the Yankee's bathroom. He knocked on the door and said "ticket please".

There's just no way on God's green earth to explain how the Yankees won the war...
__________________
Shoot the messenger...pretty much the norm...instead of discussing the message...regardless of the topic...but at least then...you KNOW that what your take was....is correct...and cannot be handled by those attacking the messenger...keep piling on....it's all good...just my 2 cents worth...1943 copper that is!
sammy the sage is offline   Reply With Quote Reply
Reply




Thread Tools
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

» Advertisement
» Current Polls
What is your most successful handicapping trait/tool?
Patience - 14.18%
40 Votes
Experience - 17.02%
48 Votes
Number crunching - 6.38%
18 Votes
Sheets / Thorograph / TimeformUS / DRF / Equibase, etc. - 11.70%
33 Votes
Software - 15.96%
45 Votes
Very specific races/angles - 10.64%
30 Votes
Jockey/Trainer angles - 6.03%
17 Votes
Other - 18.09%
51 Votes
Total Votes: 282
This poll is closed.
Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.3

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:23 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright 1999 - 2018 -- PaceAdvantage.Com -- All Rights Reserved -- Best Viewed in a modern browser @ 1280x720 Resolution Or Higher
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program
designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.