HUMOR

[DJofSD]

An oldie but a goodie I remember from high school.

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Long ago, there was a Great White Hunter who roamed far and wide, going on safari after safari, hunting down and shooting for sport every manner of wildlife. His den was huge and was decorated fabulously, though some felt grotesquely, with the heads, skins, horns and in some cases whole bodies of the animals he succeeded in bringing down.

His collection was rumored to be the most complete in the world, but he was still unsatisfied because he had been unsuccessful in his quest to bring home the most difficult species of bird to find, let alone kill-the immortal foo bird.

The foo bird was huge, said to exceed even the size of the roc, the legendary avian giant that could carry off elephants. The Great White Hunter was determined that he should be the first in the world to have a foo bird in his den.

But there was great danger in hunting the foo bird, for it was said that the bird was incredibly quick and, when spotted, would take flight and defecate on all in close range. Once defecated upon, legend had it that one could not wash off the excrement, because if one did, instant death would result.

Undeterred, the Great White Hunter undertook another great safari into the deepest, darkest jungles of Africa, in his ever present quest to locate and bring home the immortal foo bird. No expense was spared on this expedition, with the finest weaponry, the most experienced scouts, and the finest and most extensive provisions, so that the Great White Hunter could have many weeks available for locating the foo bird.

At last, one late afternoon, one of the Great White Hunter's scouts whispered that a foo bird was in the next clearing. The Great White Hunter hurried to shoulder his rifle and, taking quick aim, shot and killed the gigantic bird. Alas, the bird, true to the legend, was able to defecate on the Great White Hunter just before being hit.

But, the Great White Hunter figured that he had his prey. No one else in the world had ever bagged a foo bird and, by thunder, he would take it home, have it stuffed, and show the world that he was, indeed, the Great White Hunter. He honored the legend and left the excrement on him to ensure that he would enjoy his prize trophy.

Sadly, the Great White Hunter's odiferous state was such that no one would visit him to see his rare foo bird. He could not enjoy his moment being alone. Depressed, he fell to drink and despondency, bemoaning the fact that he could not bask in the glory of the moment.

Finally, he decided that there was no use in going on. If he couldn't show is foo bird to others and see their reaction, he might as well be dead. He realized that there was no longer any point in honoring the legend of the excrement. One night, when he could no longer stand the irony, he ran to the shower and washed off all the foo bird excrement-and fell dead instantly.

The moral of the story?

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If the foo sh*ts, wear it.

[magwell]

Originally Posted by tucker6

I thought your 'joke' was in poor taste, even for off topic. A man propositioning a 7 year old boy for oral sex is not a joke, nor will it ever be. Trying to say that because you inserted servicemen into the story makes it okay is the only joke in what you wrote. You should be ashamed of yourself, but I doubt you will be. The fact that you wrote it, and after the fact still think it was okay to post, is troubling to me.

Agree 100%

[Clocker]

Originally Posted by magwell

Agree 100%

Me too.

And it wasn't funny either.

[PaceAdvantage]

Originally Posted by sammy the sage

Interesting...yet you let others (one in particular) advocate the KILLING of millions..(muslins...friendly or foe)...frequently...oh well...like you said...it's your site...

Get your own site then. And you can post all the underage bathroom propositioning jokes you wish...

[Steve 'StatMan']

It really was inappropriate. It wasn't the part about it involving military branches that was the problem. It was about the pedophila(sp?)and a conversation betten an adult and a minor in the joke about those acts that really crossed the line. Probably funny when you know the person you're talking to, and they know how to take it. But generally in a public forum, quite a lightning rod.

[RunForTheRoses]

Bubba went to a psychiatrist.

When he got there, he said, "I've got problems.
Every time I go to bed, I think there's somebody
under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said
the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week
and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge"?

"Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor."

"I'll sleep on it," said Bubba.

Six months later, the doctor met Bubba on the
street. "Why didn't you ever come to see about
those fears you were having"? asked the
psychiatrist.

"Well eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a
year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me
for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money,
I went and bought me a new pickup!"

"Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure
you"?

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody
under there now!"

[RunForTheRoses]

Senator Hillary Clinton (D, NY) and former Attorney General Janet Reno
were having one of those girl-to-girl talks, and Hillary says to Janet,
"You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with
you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he was
last."

Janet responded, "Just because I am aesthetically challenged (that's
Politically correct" for ugly as a mud fe nce) does
not mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."

Hillary asks, "Well, how do you deal with the problem?"

Janet: "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at
me. I muster all my might, tense, and squeeze to break wind as loud
and hard as I can."


That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary
slips into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he
would be wanting some action. She had been saving gas all day long and
was ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the
most disgusting sound you could imagine.

Bill rolls ov er and says, "Janet, is that you?"

[Greyfox]

Breaking News

Bali bomber Imam Samudra has just met with the first of his 72 virgins that Allah had promised.

[fast4522]

Not as stinky as the previous. . . .

[HUSKER55]

good one greyfox!

[OntheRail]

Husband: Oh, come on.

Wife: Leave me alone!

Husband: It won't take long.

Wife: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.

Husband: I can't sleep without it.

Wife: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?

Husband: Because I'm Hot.

Wife: You get hot at the darnedest times.

Husband: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.

Wife: If you love me you'd be more considerate.

Husband: You don't love me anymore.

Wife: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.

Husband: Please...come on

Wife: All right, I'll do it.

Husband: What's the matter? Need a flashlight?

Wife: I can't find it.

Husband: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!

Wife: There! Are you satisfied?

Husband: Oh, yes.

Wife: Is it up far enough?

Husband: ! Oh, that's good.

Wife: Now go to sleep, and from now on when you want the window open,
Do it yourself.

[fast4522]

Re post from another thread better here.

[HUSKER55]

That confirms my belief about our leaders!

[Rwahi1]

Hehe!

[RunForTheRoses]

Originally Posted by Rwahi1

Hehe!

Answer me this, how come Jorge Boosh could be caricatured as a simian but Obamalama was off limits? Left wingers were harsh in their criticisms of GWB but even a mild joke at the Kenyan was/is deemed off limits.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/0..._n_167841.html