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05-17-2020, 06:17 PM
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#1
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 324
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Lockdown humor
People are using the word lockdown because they don't know how to spell kwarinteen.
I'm pretty sure I just heard my fridge say, "What the heck do you want now?!"
Ontario has banned groups larger than 5. If you're a family of 6, you're about to find out who's the least favorite.
Health Tip: If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can't accidentally touch your face.
My house got TP'd ("toilet papered")last night ... it's now appraised value has doubled!
Smoking pot and skipping school had me in trouble constantly. Now weed's legal and school's closed ... kids today are livin' the dream!
This is great. I just tried to make my own hand sanitizer and it came out as a rum & coke!
After a few days of not going out, I saw someone I knew walking by on the sidewalk outside. I immediately ran to the window and started yelling to them. Now I understand dogs.
Day 36 of social isolation at home, and it's like being in Las Vegas. I'm losing money by the minute. Cocktails are acceptable at any hour. Nobody knows what time it is.
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05-17-2020, 06:54 PM
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#2
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The Voice of Reason!
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canandaigua, New york
Posts: 112,810
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Today, I ironed all my shoelaces.
__________________
Who does the Racing Form Detective like in this one?
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05-17-2020, 07:29 PM
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 15,118
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Had some extra time today, so I cut the front yard with scissors.
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05-17-2020, 09:08 PM
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#4
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 5,005
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Marijuana is now legal and haircuts are not. It took 50 years, but the hippies have won!
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05-17-2020, 09:09 PM
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#5
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 5,005
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COVID pickup line: I have a curve in my pants for you that won't flatten!
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05-17-2020, 10:20 PM
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#6
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 3,641
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Quote:
Originally Posted by highernote
Ontario has banned groups larger than 5. If you're a family of 6, you're about to find out who's the least favorite.
Health Tip: If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can't accidentally touch your face.
After a few days of not going out, I saw someone I knew walking by on the sidewalk outside. I immediately ran to the window and started yelling to them. Now I understand dogs.
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These are great........dying laughing here. Coughing. Not covid coughing, just coughing from laughing so hard.
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05-17-2020, 10:21 PM
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#7
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 3,641
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jay68802
Had some extra time today, so I cut the front yard with scissors.
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I actually did a little patch I missed with the weedeater that way once, I had run out of string. 
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05-18-2020, 11:53 AM
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#8
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The Voice of Reason!
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canandaigua, New york
Posts: 112,810
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__________________
Who does the Racing Form Detective like in this one?
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05-18-2020, 12:11 PM
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#9
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Buckle Up
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 10,614
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Chuckles and Grins
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05-18-2020, 12:17 PM
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#10
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 15,118
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom
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Do NOT go golfing.
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