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Old 08-25-2012, 07:27 PM   #1
Dave Schwartz
 
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Groaners

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

Ba-da-bump
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Old 08-25-2012, 07:43 PM   #2
DJofSD
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Henny Yougman lives!
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Old 08-25-2012, 08:26 PM   #3
Tom
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Take his wife, please!
ba dum.

There won't be any more Beethoven music before too long....he died and has been decomposing.
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Old 08-25-2012, 08:35 PM   #4
DJofSD
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Found on Twitter

Not Will Ferrell ‏@itsWillyFerrell

"My memory is so bad..." "Why, how bad is it?" "...How bad is what?"
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