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The Burgeoning Battle over Particularly Popular Patterns of speech
A legislative initiative banning non-emergency use of the letter "P" should soon clear the senate and head to the house. Given increasing evidence that covid 19 spreads most often through infected spray droplets expelled into the air by talking, certain words, phrases, and, of course, some of the "juicer" letters have come under attack from non-infected citizens not at all desirous of contracting the virus.
Violent encounters have reportedly broken out, even between friends, when one party apparently deems the other to be talking sloppily at close range.
"Man, don't BE going all 'peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers on ME," one burly trucker was heard to admonish a diminutive acquaintance before unloading a Mike Tyson-caliber left hook on the offending person's (unmasked) face.
Senate "insiders" say that, in addition to certain letters that promote the spewing of speech droplets into the surrounding air, other sounds, phrases, and even complete sentences may soon be outlawed.
Republicans characterize such measures as a thinly veiled attempt to eradicate usage of the outgoing president's surname, while libertarians view them as a full-assault on free speech.
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