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12-05-2015, 02:08 AM
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#901
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Diez meses en Port St. Lucie, FL; two months in the Dominican Republic
Posts: 4,355
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Q:What do you call a dozen four-year-olds in a Dublin pub?
A: The Irish Head Start Program.
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12-05-2015, 02:40 AM
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#902
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 2,472
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My favorite Polish joke as a kid. Hear about the Polish guy who locked his keys in his car? Took him three hours to get his family out.
I'm here all week. Tip your waitresses.
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12-05-2015, 07:48 AM
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#903
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Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,132
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Did you hear about the new polish invention?
Bullet proof vest you get your money back if it doesnt work.
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12-05-2015, 09:31 AM
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#904
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The Voice of Reason!
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canandaigua, New york
Posts: 112,887
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Stan called the police to report that his wife was planning o kill him.
"Why do think she is going to kill you?" the cop asked.
"I looked under the kitchen sink and found a can of POLISH Remover!"
__________________
Who does the Racing Form Detective like in this one?
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12-05-2015, 12:45 PM
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#905
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Diez meses en Port St. Lucie, FL; two months in the Dominican Republic
Posts: 4,355
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Since we're on a Polish joke theme, here's my favorite.
Q: Did you hear about the Polish bank robber?
A: Tied up the safe and blew the guard.
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12-05-2015, 12:46 PM
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#906
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Diez meses en Port St. Lucie, FL; two months in the Dominican Republic
Posts: 4,355
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Q: What do you call a skeleton in a Polish guy's closet?
A: The winner in hide-and-seek.
Last edited by barahona44; 12-05-2015 at 12:54 PM.
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12-05-2015, 03:51 PM
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#907
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Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Reno, NV
Posts: 16,915
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Polish loan shark: Loaned out all his money then skipped town.
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12-05-2015, 04:55 PM
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#908
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The Voice of Reason!
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canandaigua, New york
Posts: 112,887
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Stan was down on his luck, so he stole a purse from an old lady at the mall.
Mall cops caught him and turned him over to the cops, who put him in a line up.
The old lady was brought into to identify her assailant, and when they raised the curtain, Stan saw her and pointed at her and yelled, "That's HER!!!"
__________________
Who does the Racing Form Detective like in this one?
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12-06-2015, 12:53 AM
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#909
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 138
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I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife does.
What are three words a man never wants to hear when he's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"
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12-06-2015, 09:03 AM
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#910
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Refugee from Bowie
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,598
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A man walks into a store front lawyer's office and asks, "How much do you charge?"
The lawyer replies, " $250.00 for 3 questions."
Taken aback the man replies, "That's a little steep, don't you think?"
Replied the lawyer, "I don't think so, now what's your 3rd question?"
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12-06-2015, 09:39 AM
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#911
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Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,132
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For my 25th wedding anniversary I took my wife to the far east............
For my 50th anniversary I went back and picked her up..
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12-06-2015, 10:42 AM
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#912
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The Voice of Reason!
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canandaigua, New york
Posts: 112,887
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A bartender asks a guy, "Got any nude photos of your wife?"
The man replies rather abruptly, "NO! OF course not!"
The bartender, reaching into his pocket, replies, "Want some?"
__________________
Who does the Racing Form Detective like in this one?
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12-06-2015, 11:31 AM
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#913
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Central New Jersey
Posts: 1,467
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Dumbroski and Powlowski were coal miners. They were wearing the typical coal miner's helmets with the bright lights shining at the front.
Dumbroski- "You see that light beam over there. I'll give you $10 if you can climb up that beam".
Powlowski- "Haha, you think I'm stupid or something. Climb up that beam of light, LOL. I'll get halfway up and you'll turn the damn thing off".
Last edited by Longshot6977; 12-06-2015 at 11:39 AM.
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12-06-2015, 11:37 AM
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#914
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Central New Jersey
Posts: 1,467
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Dumbroski just came back from fishing. He sees his friend Powloski coming.
Dumbroski-- "If you can guess how many fish I have in this bag, I'll give them both to you".
Powlowski- "Hahaha, you gave it away when you said BOTH. The answer is 3".
Dumbroski-- "No fair, you must've peeked in the bag". 
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12-06-2015, 11:47 AM
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#915
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Central New Jersey
Posts: 1,467
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Same 2 guys went on a fishing trip and went to the rental shop to rent the boat. While in the middle of the lake, they caught lots of fish.
Dumbrowski- "This is a great spot. We gotta mark this spot so the next time we come fishing we can come directly back to it."
Powlowski- "Great idea". He then grabs a magic marker and jumps overboard. A minute later, he comes up on the other side of the boat and Dumbroski helps pull him up.
Dumbroski- "What the hell did you do down there!?"
Powlowski- "Me used my brain. I put a big X on the bottom of the boat so we get the same spot next time".
Dumbrowski--"What a stupid idea. Suppose we don't get the same boat next time?"
Last edited by Longshot6977; 12-06-2015 at 11:50 AM.
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