Assisted living

[jballscalls]

I saw this topic brought up in the Potato thread and wanted to pose this for discussion.

My grandma, who is 89, still lives on her own in her house. My uncle (zillionaire 1%er) has offered to pay for her to live in an assisted living place closer to them that is a palace. She says no and wants to hear none of it. Yet my aunt ends up having to go out to her house and help her all the time.

My ?? is, is it kind of a generational thing because I hear lots of older people who are adamantly against living in assisted living.

Yet whenever I ask people my age if we'd want to live in one when we get older we all universally say yes. Maybe we just don't value independence as much? Or maybe we're lazy young liberals who want to leach off the system?

Just curious if anyone has thoughts on this.

[Ocala Mike]

God bless your grandmother! I'm 73 and my wife is 70. We live on a farm in a rural area and often have "the talk" about what happens when we can't take care of the place any more. Fortunately, we have a married daughter who lives 10 miles away, but she only comes over about once a week to help with the horses. Couldn't rely on her on a daily basis or whatever.

My wife has stated many times that she would not feel comfortable if she weren't in her own place; I'm a bit ambivalent about it, but sort of think like her. Guess it's more of an individual personality thing rather than a generational thing; certainly provides lots of food for thought, though.

[badcompany]

Most older people would rather live at home.

Have your Zillionaire uncle pay for a nurse or home aid to come to the house. It will probably be cheaper.

[tucker6]

My MIL, who is 93, lives in her own house. We put her into assisted living for a month about ten years ago, but she wanted nothing to do with it. One was that she didn't want to be with a bunch of old people ( ), and the other was that she wanted to be in her own surroundings. I would imagine that as we ourselves age that our views may change on whether assisted living is what we want. It's easy to say that you'd do something 30-40 years off.

[tucker6]

Originally Posted by badcompany

Have your Zillionaire uncle pay for a nurse or home aid to come to the house. It will probably be cheaper.

supreme idea.

Also set her up for Meals On Wheels if her area has it. Hot meal every weekday delivered to the house.

[jballscalls]

Originally Posted by tucker6

My MIL, who is 93, lives in her own house. We put her into assisted living for a month about ten years ago, but she wanted nothing to do with it. One was that she didn't want to be with a bunch of old people ( ), and the other was that she wanted to be in her own surroundings. I would imagine that as we ourselves age that our views may change on whether assisted living is what we want. It's easy to say that you'd do something 30-40 years off.

that's hilarious about the old people comment!

[tucker6]

Originally Posted by jballscalls

that's hilarious about the old people comment!

children and older folks say the darnedest things sometimes.

[JustRalph]

Originally Posted by Ocala Mike

God bless your grandmother! I'm 73 and my wife is 70. We live on a farm in a rural area and often have "the talk" about what happens when we can't take care of the place any more. Fortunately, we have a married daughter who lives 10 miles away, but she only comes over about once a week to help with the horses. Couldn't rely on her on a daily basis or whatever.

My wife has stated many times that she would not feel comfortable if she weren't in her own place; I'm a bit ambivalent about it, but sort of think like her. Guess it's more of an individual personality thing rather than a generational thing; certainly provides lots of food for thought, though.

Mike

Make provisions in a will or trust. Do it with a lawyer. If something happens to either one of you, the other will be under terrible pressure to make tough decisions, that should be made by both of you together.

I only make these remarks because I have seen several cases ( when I was a police officer) where the county or State gets involved and when they get to make the decisions they could give a rats ass about you and your family or your property. This includes horses etc. Don't let it come to that. Have a plan. Agreed to by both of you and a lawyer or family member who can carry it out. Just my .02

[Ocala Mike]

Very wise, Ralph. We have our will done and in the hands of our daughter. The horses we care for are really "hers" nowadays, so we're not too worried.

[Grits]

Originally Posted by jballscalls

I saw this topic brought up in the Potato thread and wanted to pose this for discussion.

My grandma, who is 89, still lives on her own in her house. My uncle (zillionaire 1%er) has offered to pay for her to live in an assisted living place closer to them that is a palace. She says no and wants to hear none of it. Yet my aunt ends up having to go out to her house and help her all the time.

My ?? is, is it kind of a generational thing because I hear lots of older people who are adamantly against living in assisted living.

Yet whenever I ask people my age if we'd want to live in one when we get older we all universally say yes. Maybe we just don't value independence as much? Or maybe we're lazy young liberals who want to leach off the system?

Just curious if anyone has thoughts on this.

One's mortality is never given a second thought until one is approaching age 50. Only then, do we begin to believe our bodies may not be quite so invincible.

The reason you may not greatly value your independence yet is possibly due to not having lived long enough to truly appreciate, not only "it" (your independence), but too, how hard you've worked to attain it.

Everyone wants to remain in their own surroundings for the entire length of their time on this earth. But, its not possible for those whose needs become greater than finding another to play bridge with in the dayroom. (Lord, let me go, I couldn't stand this.)

The lazy young liberals will not be able to leach off the system, unless you term writing a monthly check out at a starting price of 6K per month for assisted living, skilled nursing care, memory care, or whatever--leaching. I don't. One can go through their real estate, their pension, their 401K, and everything else they own--quickly. This is basic fee, not meds, not laundry, etc, etc.

I know these things because my father is in a nursing center and has a one on one CNA with him each day. All of it is expensive as our CNA takes more paid holidays than any government employee.

Both of my parents have living wills. These are good things. I'm their healthcare POA. My mom smiles at me, "you have the guts, the strength to tell them, "turn off the life support". Your two brothers do not." And she's right. To see your parent dying one day at a time with Alz, is truly heartbreaking.

Another thing, at "assisted living" centers when you become ill, you're out. You have to be moved to skilled nursing care. Big, big difference.

Your grandmother is truly, truly blessed. Wishing her well!!

[whodoyoulike]

Originally Posted by Grits

One's mortality is never given a second thought until one is approaching age 50. Only then, do we begin to believe our bodies may not be quite so invincible.

The reason you may not greatly value your independence yet is possibly due to not having lived long enough to truly appreciate, not only "it" (your independence), but too, how hard you've worked to attain it.

Everyone wants to remain in their own surroundings for the entire length of their time on this earth...

To see your parent dying one day at a time with Alz, is truly heartbreaking..

Sorry to hear but, to watch and being unable to help them get well is always too difficult to put into words. There should be a focus on how to help the family caregivers by providing information on what to do in these end of life situations. Most people are lost on what is the best thing to do for your family member and yourself.

[jballscalls]

Originally Posted by Grits

Your grandmother is truly, truly blessed. Wishing her well!!

She's the best. Where she does live, she's right off the 11th green of a golf course and up until 85 she walked parts of the course each evening and would pick golf balls in the woods and put them in egg cartons for me. I didn't pay for golf balls for a decade or so.

[Grits]

Originally Posted by jballscalls

She's the best. Where she does live, she's right off the 11th green of a golf course and up until 85 she walked parts of the course each evening and would pick golf balls in the woods and put them in egg cartons for me. I didn't pay for golf balls for a decade or so.

Jason, how dear, how amazing. This woman, it seems, does things her way and.. surely loves her grandson. Visit her whenever you can, as often as you can. I know it makes her happy. <3

Whodoyoulike, Belgium has a euthanasia law. Doctors assist terminally ill patients with a lethal injection. They pass away peacefully. Its, indeed, a slippery slope, but when you see the end of life stages...its not difficult to ask yourself. How much can a human being endure?

[whodoyoulike]

Originally Posted by Grits

... Whodoyoulike, Belgium has a euthanasia law. Doctors assist terminally ill patients with a lethal injection. They pass away peacefully. Its, indeed, a slippery slope, but when you see the end of life stages...its not difficult to ask yourself. How much can a human being endure?

This wasn't the help I was referring. Family caregivers aren't medically trained or experienced in illnesses, there should be someplace where one can seek guidance. After the passing of a love one, then there are counseling groups available. It seems a little late.

[Robert Goren]

I am currently living in an assisted living place. First, they are expensive, but not as expensive as a nurse home. Most nursing homes are not skilled nursing home either, but that is another story. In Nebraska they run at about $200 a day. That includes most costs, but not all if you are what they call a private pay. If you have no money or run out of money, you become a medicare/medicaid waiver. The wavier basicaly cover everything with few exceptions which I will not deal with here. In Nebraska, they take all your income except $84. Over the counter drugs come out of the $84. I am a waiver. The $84 does not go very far. There are all kinds of ALs. The high ends are private pay, general will not kick you out if you run out of money and become a wavier. Then there are the ones who take waivers right away. They are in different worlds. I got into a decent place, but I am on the waiting list for a newer place.
The people who live here are in basically two groups. Those with some form of demintia and those who don't have any. I am here because I am dizzy all the time and fallen several times. ( if they can cure the dizziness, I MIGHT be able to return to an apt. But maybe not because I have other problems too. I will deal with that if I can get rid of the dizziness) Out of about 50 people, at 66, I am among the youngest. There are at least 2 here in their mid 50s. Most are in their upper 80s. Of non demintia group, 2 are dying from cancer. One has seizures and has trouble "remembering" her Meds. Ditto for a Bi-polar gal. They are several with diabetes who have "med problems" too. It is kind of catch-all place for people who can't take care of themselves, but don't need a nurse home yet. I have seen 3 people return home in the 6 months since I have been here. So there is hope and Medicaid has a program to help get us back home if we are able.
Here we get basic cable (about 60 channels) and wifi. They play bingo and the winner gets a dime. They have a singer come in a couple times a month. Appearently there is a nursing home circuit for singers.
If you have any questions, just ask. I will try to answer them the best I can.