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02-24-2019, 09:10 PM
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#1411
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: west view, pa. now Lancaster, Ca.
Posts: 3,382
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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the dash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9…
__________________
Buy Sam a drink and get His dog one Too--->mlang
and now in Lancaster, CA.
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03-03-2019, 07:49 AM
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#1412
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Registered Loser
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 2,633
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What did Jeffrey Dahlmer say to Lorena Bobbit ?....
Excuse me ? You gonna eat that ?
Last edited by jk3521; 03-03-2019 at 08:02 AM.
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03-03-2019, 09:41 AM
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#1413
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Diez meses en Port St. Lucie, FL; two months in the Dominican Republic
Posts: 4,355
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jk3521
What did Jeffrey Dahlmer say to Lorena Bobbit ?....
Excuse me ? You gonna eat that ?
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What were Jeffrey Dahmer's dying words?
"It must have been someone I ate".
__________________
"But don't ask me what I think of you, I might not give the answer that you want me to. "
Fleetwood Mac, Oh Well, Part 1 (1969)
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03-03-2019, 08:40 PM
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#1414
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Resurrectionist
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Cheyenne, Wy
Posts: 3,615
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Quote:
Originally Posted by barahona44
What were Jeffrey Dahmer's dying words?
"It must have been someone I ate".
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Jeffrey Dahmer biopic???????????????????
"I think I'll have another poboy!"
__________________
Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood.
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03-04-2019, 09:43 AM
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#1415
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Central New Jersey
Posts: 1,468
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Probably on here already, but : Jeffrey Dahmer's shampoo.....head and shoulders.
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03-15-2019, 05:54 PM
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#1416
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The Voice of Reason!
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canandaigua, New york
Posts: 113,052
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Happy St. Patrick's Day!
__________________
Who does the Racing Form Detective like in this one?
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03-15-2019, 06:01 PM
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#1417
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The Voice of Reason!
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canandaigua, New york
Posts: 113,052
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More?
__________________
Who does the Racing Form Detective like in this one?
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03-15-2019, 06:08 PM
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#1418
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The Voice of Reason!
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canandaigua, New york
Posts: 113,052
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OK, two more....
__________________
Who does the Racing Form Detective like in this one?
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03-15-2019, 09:39 PM
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#1419
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 2,472
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Why wasn't Jesus born in America?
They couldn't find a virgin or three wise men.
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03-15-2019, 09:50 PM
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#1420
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Mukwonago, WI
Posts: 3,221
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Longshot6977
Probably on here already, but : Jeffrey Dahmer's shampoo.....head and shoulders.
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His mother always said he would get ahead.
Also, he told the cops, "if you open that fridge, heads are gonna roll..."
__________________
"I don't always frequent message boards, but when I do, I prefer PaceAdvantage."
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03-15-2019, 10:47 PM
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#1421
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The Voice of Reason!
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canandaigua, New york
Posts: 113,052
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He not very smart - everyone knows heads go in the crisper!
__________________
Who does the Racing Form Detective like in this one?
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03-15-2019, 10:55 PM
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#1422
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C'est Tout
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Cajunland
Posts: 13,295
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"People are like a box of chocolates....yummy"
-Forrest Dahmer
__________________
How do I work this?
-David Byrne
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03-15-2019, 11:07 PM
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#1423
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The Voice of Reason!
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canandaigua, New york
Posts: 113,052
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Dahmer's cellmate was taken to the prison psych ward after he appeared depressed for a several days.
The doctors asked him, What eating you?"
Imagine Jeffery Dahmer and Hannibal Lecter as cell mates!
__________________
Who does the Racing Form Detective like in this one?
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03-16-2019, 10:01 PM
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#1424
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Philadelphia area
Posts: 9,609
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Two polish construction workers are standing outside of a building, gazing up at a flagpole.
A woman comes by and asks what they are doing.
One says, " We have to figure out how to measure the height of this flagpole."
She grabs a wrench from the toolbox, unscrews the pole from the base and lays it flat on the ground.
She then gets a tape measure and stretches it out. "36 1/2 feet", she says.
When she walks away, the one says to the other, "Typical know-it-all woman; we need the height and she gives us the length."
__________________
A wet track can cause handicapping havoc!!
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03-18-2019, 07:59 PM
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#1425
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Philadelphia area
Posts: 9,609
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A man goes over to his girlfriend's house for dinner with the parents for the first time. While at the table, he tries to silently squeak out a fart that comes out too quick and is heard by everyone. The father looks under the table and says, "Rover...get out from under that chair"..
The guy realizes that the dog is under his chair and the father thinks it's the dog farting so he let's them rip a few more times...
Finally, the father says, "Rover...get out from under that chair before this guy shits on you!!.
__________________
A wet track can cause handicapping havoc!!
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