HUMOR

[Longshot6977]

LEARNING TO CUSS:

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss". The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass". The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios".

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know", he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios".

[Tom]

A women tells her husband that she would like to experiment sexually.
"What do you want to do?" he asks.
"I want to have a threesome." she revealed.
"What?? You want to bring a stranger into our bedroom?"
"No, you aren't listening." she replied.
"Two strangers."

[HUSKER55]

ruff nite huh tom

[DJofSD]

Originally Posted by Tom

A women tells her husband that she would like to experiment sexually.
"What do you want to do?" he asks.
"I want to have a threesome." she revealed.
"What?? You want to bring a stranger into our bedroom?"
"No, you aren't listening." she replied.
"Two strangers."

So, that's what Sinatra meant when he was singing "Strangers in the Night!"

[cj's dad]

10% of women surveyed believe their ass is too small

40% think their ass is too big.

The remaining 50% believe their ass is just fine and wouldn't trade him in for anyone else

[sammy the sage]

*** A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well," said her mother "so how was the honeymoon?"
"Oh Mama," she replied, the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But Mama, as soon as we returned, Howard started using the most horrible language-- things I'd never heard before! I mean, all kinds of awful words! You've got to take me home... PLEASE, MAMA!"
"Gwen, Gwen", her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT words was he using?"
"Please, don't make me tell you, Mama", wept the daughter. "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"
"Darling Baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible words!!"
Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh Mama..., he used words like: dust, wash, iron, and cook... "
"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes and we'll go to the rabbi," said the mother.

[KingChas]

Do you believe in ghost's? watch this;
http://onlinewebfun.com/2312/spooky-...ar-commercial/

[BlueShoe]

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and climbed slowly, painfully, onto a stool. After resting for awhile to catch his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

'No' he replied, "Arthritis."

[HUSKER55]

I heard this one at the comedy club the other night:

you might be a redneck if your wife can remove her bra while smoking a cigarette, driving down the road and not spill any ashes on you while you are asleep with your head on her lap and your feet are hanging out the door.

I think I told this one before.

you might be a redneck if you use a toilet bowl cleaning brush for a back scratch-er

and finally,.......change redneck with liberal

[myhorse1]

60th HighSchool Reunion
He was a widower and she a widow.

They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.

This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles.

They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high.

The widower throwing admiring glances across the table. The widow smiling coyly back at him.

Finally, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered,

"Yes,..... yes I will!"

The evening ended on a happy note for the widower. But the next morning he was troubled.

Did she say “Yes” or did she say “No?”

He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank.

He remembered asking the question but for the life of him could not recall her response. With fear and trepidation he picked up the phone and called her.

First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the past evening.
As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her. "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say “Yes” or did you say “No?”

"Why you silly man, I said ‘Yes. Yes I will.’ And I meant it with all my heart."

The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued. "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me!”

[HUSKER55]

could be worse...
.
.
.
.
.could have been your last date

[bugboy]

The man who made it,sold it, the man who bought it never used it, the man who used it never saw it......What was it?

[Steve 'StatMan']

[QUOTE=bugboy]The man who made it,sold it, the man who bought it never used it, the man who used it never saw it......What was it?[/QUOTE

A toupe for a corpse?

[HUSKER55]

nasty man....but funny

[Longshot6977]

Originally Posted by Steve 'StatMan'

A toupe for a corpse?

That, or a coffin.