Humor

[JustRalph]

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__________________
WE ARE THE DUMBEST COUNTRY ON THE PLANET!

[garyscpa]

If it was just six minutes. I think it's more like ten.

[magwell]

A big city lawyer went duck hunting on the Eastern Shore. He shot and

dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field.



As the lawyer climbed over the fence to claim his bird,an elderly

farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.The

litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now

I'm going to retrieve it."



The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."



The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in

Washington, D.C. and, if you don't let me retrieve



that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."



The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we

settle disputes here on The Shore. We settle



small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"



The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"



The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I

get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three

times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."



The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and, being the

person he was, decided that he could easily take the old codger. He

agreed to abide by the local custom.



The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to

the attorney.



His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into

the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!



His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing

from his mouth.



The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear

end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.



The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and

very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm

of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."







The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up.

[JustRalph]

Buddy Hackett lives

[cj]

Funny, but not horse racing. Lets keep it to horse racing if we are going to have a joke thread.

[Lemon Drop Husker]

Originally Posted by cj

Funny, but not horse racing. Lets keep it to horse racing if we are going to have a joke thread.

Jorge Navarro walks into Laurel Park.....

[appistappis]

One day, the Clerk of the Course spotted a trainer giving something to a horse just before the start of a race. He went over and said, "Doping?" The trainer said, "Indeed not, Sir. 'Tis just lump sugar. Look, I'll take a bit myself.....see?" The Clerk of the Course said, "Sorry, but we have to be careful. As a matter of fact, I like a bit of sugar myself." So the trainer gave him a piece. When the Clerk of the Course disappeared, the trainer gave his jockey his last minute instructions, "Don't forget the drill. Hold him in 'til the last four furlongs. Don't worry if anything passes you, it'll be me or the Clerk of the Course!"

[FakeNameChanged]

Arrogate walks into a bar and orders a double bourbon on the rocks. The bartender sets the drink down and says, "Why the long face?"

[magwell]

A man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.
MAN: "What was that for?"
WIFE: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?"
MAN: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on." The wife looked all satisfied, apologizes, and goes off do work around the house. Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.
MAN: "What in the world was that for this time?"
WIFE: "Your horse called."

[Tom]

With GP's history of timing races, I think the guy has a good shot at a lawsuit!

[garyscpa]

Originally Posted by Tom

With GP's history of timing races, I think the guy has a good shot at a lawsuit!

Yeah, they just showed a first quarter split of 40 seconds.

[cj]

Originally Posted by garyscpa

Yeah, they just showed a first quarter split of 40 seconds.

Lovely.

[Tom]

You sure you weren't watching Finger Lakes?

[cj]

Originally Posted by cj

Lovely.

I'd damn sure have my video feed programmed to not show splits that were ridiculous like this one.

[GMB@BP]

Originally Posted by cj

I'd damn sure have my video feed programmed to not show splits that were ridiculous like this one.

god GP, at this point its like they are trolling us