Northern Kentucky, in Boone County, April of 2000. Early one morning around 6:30, I was on the way to the Cincinnati airport trying to make a flight, running real late!
I thought I was the only one on the road that early. I was wrong.
I was pulled in a work zone (or just past it after I could find a place on the shoulder beyond all those big orange barrels). A Boone County sheriff's deputy and a Kentucky state trooper both clocked me at 85 mph in the 50 mph zone. When they stopped, one pulled in front of me, the other behind me.
I started to cry because I thought they were gonna leave my suburban beside the road, and take me to jail. They fussed at me bad, even after they checked my license, where they saw I had no tickets.
I'm not sure it was my Southern charm. More like a combination of it, along with the tears, the mascara, and my nose running--tears, mascara and snot, all over my face. The Trooper went back to his cruiser and got me some kleenex.
Anyway, they just warned me and let me go, telling me, "Grits, now you slow down, you hear? Neither of us want to help put you in a body bag."
Still sniffling and wiping my face, I told 'em, "thank you officers." I waved and drove off real slow.
I'm 2 for 4. This one--charm and hysterics. The next one--a Virginia trooper on a county two lane, on the way to the OTB. He was the consummate flirt. Lord, charm worked on him like giving candy to a baby.
Another one in Kentucky, but hell, she don't count. She was a lesbian, ugly, built like a NY Giants linebacker, tough and hateful. (Am I homophobic? No!! I just despise bad manners cojoined with big and ugly. She didn't need the glock on her hip, she could kill some perp with her bare hands. She got me going 72 in a 65. Witch. (I had to go to driving school in Lexington.)
I ain't going into the fourth one. We argued. Me and the Lexington, Kentucky motorcycle cop on the interstate, just inside the city limits.
I'm good now. I learned my lesson. I only go 5mph over. The troopers have told me, "we'll give you five, not a mph beyond. I do as I'm told.