HUMOR

[myhorse1]

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma on the wall, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, i remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that i had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended northmont high school.

'Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a thunderbolt,' he gleamed with pride.
When did you graduate?' I asked.
He answered, 'in 1975. Why do you ask?'
You were in my class!', I exclaimed.


He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled faced, fat-ass, gray-haired, decrepit son-of-a-bitch asked, 'what did you teach?

[myhorse1]

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Irishman quickly handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."

[Longshot6977]

Guns

[myhorse1]

Directions

Make a large poster showing your 9mm, clips and shells and in very large

type at the top print I'M PREPARED.

put this in front of your home.


Don't you just hate it when the directions are not included.

[ldiatone]

[myhorse1]

While preaching about forgiving ones enemies, the preacher asked for a show of hands of those who were willing to forgive their enemies. About half of the congregation raised their hands.

The minister continued his lecture and again asked for a show of hands. This time, 80 percent of his congregation raised their hands.

Not giving up, the minister continued for fifteen more minutes. When he again asked for a show of hands, all members—except one—raised their hands.
"Mr. Jones,” asked the minster, “are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
"I don't have any.”

Mr. Jones, that is very unusual. I know you are 86-years-old. Would you please come down to the front and explain to all of us how you have lived so long without making a single enemy in the world?”

Mr. Jones teetered to the front and briefly explained,

“Its easy. I've outlived every fuc.ing one of them.

[Ocala Mike]

Bumping for this one:

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback.

He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank of Jerusalem. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says."You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighbourhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,..........

"I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!!"

[Marshall Bennett]

Classic.

[ldiatone]

HOW TO CHANGE A TIRE
1. remove your clothes
2. put on new clothes
3. done!
4. what? a car?
5. oh, ‘A TIRE’

[Longshot6977]

So true

[Rookies]

Bathroom signs!

[Rookies]

Another...

[Rookies]

[Rookies]

Ambi

[Rookies]

Creatures...