If its your home is it my room, my stuff

[Binder]

Hi I need some advice.
Here is my problem . I am currently staying in my sister and brother in laws
house in beautiful Carlsbad California. The house is right on the beach in north county San Diego. It is a beautiful home in a beautiful place.
I am a over the road truck driver so the road is really home. but I was welcomed and told I would always have use of the guest bedroom , and a place to call home.
I keep my room very neat and clean . I really spent most of my time
here in San Diego at either Del Mar or the gym or the beach or with girl friend . I really just sleep in the room. I shower at the gym
Of course I am a horse racing fanatic. So when I am home I usually am handicapping the next days races or working on my database. Sitting quietly in my room watching TVG or Turner classic movies . So whats the problem?

My lady friend said I was too stressed and I needed another hobby
besides horse racing . She got me some paint supplies and like a 12x15
canvas. I stared painting and although the painting was pretty bad I enjoy
the hobby.
I keep everything in the walk in closet in "my" room. I never spill anything.
The paints are all in sealed containers and are also in a rubbermaid storage tub. My painting canvas was never left out I am sure I put it back in the closet.
I keep the door closed but everything was neatly stored in the closet.
Now here is my problem
I came "home" from the road Friday morning. I wanted to paint .
I had a stressful run and I needed to relax. As soon as I walked into the room I felt something was wrong . I opened the closet and the canvas and paint supplies are gone . Either my sister or brother in law came into my room
and decided to get rid of my stuff without asking me. How hard would a text to me have been? Hey is this canvas yours ? Do you want to save it ?
No they just threw it away .
What do I do ? What can I say? Am i wrong for feeling so angry? am I wrong to let my feeling be so hurt?

Thanks
Bill
.

[Greyfox]

Originally Posted by Binder

What do I do ? What can I say? Am i wrong for feeling so angry? am I wrong to let my feeling be so hurt?

Thanks
Bill
.

Obviously you need to talk to your sister and brother in law and find out why the paints and artwork are gone?
You'll find out if they threw them out or if they went missing.
If they threw them out, ask them what their reason was.
If they were stolen, that creates another problem.
Right now there is not enough information to offer any more advice.

[tucker6]

First of all, you are being given a free room anytime along the ocean, so I wouldn't get too bent out of shape about this, even though I'd be a little pissed too. That said, get past this one and seek to define boundaries with them for the future. I'd simply ask your sister whether the paint supplies bothered her and her husband for some reason, and whether that was why they were thrown out. You could have taken them out next time you were in town. Depending on the answer, you could say that you felt the room was yours to store a couple items for when you returned. I'd low key the exchange and act like a puzzled visitor that is just seeking his boundaries.

[thaskalos]

Was there anything new placed in the closet where your art supplies were? Maybe they needed the closet space for something of their own...and they were miffed that you brought the supplies in without asking them first. Are you sure the paints didn't leak, and make a mess in the closet?

If I were you, and a relative generously offered me their room to stay in...I would inform them beforehand if I planned to bring anything noticeable to the house. They may have told you that they want you to feel "at home"...but the house is still theirs.

[Binder]

Thanks for your help

As to them taking them away and putting something else there - no
the closet was just like before minus my canvas and supplies

I have not seen nor talked to my brother in law since I came home Friday morning.

I am sure if it was inside job it was him. I asked my sister this morning
before I left for Delmar, She seemed surprised. So I hope she asks
her husband if and why he would take my stuff. I feel awkward to face him
until I am sure what to ask?

No, I am sure they were secure and not leaking. They were packed in there original containers and then put in the storage tube with a sealed cover

thanks
Bill

PS
Yes It is a great place to be able to stay so that is why its painful to feel hurt
and feel like I really am not a welcomed as I thought

[Greyfox]

Have you checked the garage? or elsewhere in the house?

[Robert Fischer]

Originally Posted by Binder

Thanks for your help

As to them taking them away and putting something else there - no
the closet was just like before minus my canvas and supplies

I have not seen nor talked to my brother in law since I came home Friday morning.

I am sure if it was inside job it was him. I asked my sister this morning
before I left for Delmar, She seemed surprised. So I hope she asks
her husband if and why he would take my stuff. I feel awkward to face him
until I am sure what to ask?

No, I am sure they were secure and not leaking. They were packed in there original containers and then put in the storage tube with a sealed cover

thanks
Bill

PS
Yes It is a great place to be able to stay so that is why its painful to feel hurt
and feel like I really am not a welcomed as I thought

Just handle it like a man, and ask them politely.

Worst-case scenario, they felt upset about the art supplies.
They probably could have handled it differently, but it doesn't really matter.

Maybe something unexpected has happened as well.

Handle it like a mature adult, and then get back to trucking/tracking and living on the beach.

[Rookies]

IMHO, all ground rules should have been ironed out ahead of time. I wouldn't have thought of doing an odd activity like that, in your unusual and gratis status, without getting the thumbs up beforehand.

[davew]

Many paints have fumes, that you may not notice if you are using them - they may have put stuff in garage.

[nijinski]

Fumes are a possibility as mentioned as well as a possibility paint
residue accidently left behind when cleaning the brushes .

I don't know your situation but it sound like they offered you a place
for free does this this include cable internet water ac etc ?
If so that's quite generous . .

While it would be nice if they told you they removed your things . It
also would have been a good idea to have mentioned you would be
painting first .

[Marshall Bennett]

Go on Dr. Phil.

[Binder]

You all make good points. I never painted in the house.
I either painted at my girlfriends studio or outside in the park.and the storage tub was sealed. They are gone. They are not in the garage


My problem is not really so much about what happened to my stuff.
My problem is why was it just taken with out me being notified.

I get calls and text from them both all the time while I am on the road.

We watched the Belmont.. Did you have the winner? Wasn't that exciting ,,
When are you coming home. or
How about those Dodgers, ( I am a SF Giants fan ) he is a Dodger fan so there is a friendly rivalry.

Back to my feelings
I am just going to let it go. The supplies are nothing that can't be replaced
It is all just a lesson to be learned. Yes I lost my painting, which I loved
but I can paint anotherone someplace else down the road.
Should I hate ? No -- just let it go

[thaskalos]

Well...it wouldn't do any harm if you casually asked what might have happened to the painting you were working on...

[Greyfox]

Originally Posted by Binder

Back to my feelings
I am just going to let it go. The supplies are nothing that can't be replaced
It is all just a lesson to be learned. Yes I lost my painting, which I loved
but I can paint anotherone someplace else down the road.
Should I hate ? No -- just let it go

"It is all just a lesson to be learned."

I think that it's good that you are prepared to "let it go."
But there is still "unfinished business" here and you have to still find out what and why happened to those art supplies.
For as much as people let things go, there is still lack of satisfactory resolution here.
What happened needs to be talked out, including your feelings of disappointment.
If you don't do that, something in your psyche will store this unresolved issue away as anger stamps.
At some future occasion, some minor incident will trigger those "anger stamps" and a mole hill situation will be compounded into a mountain.
Silently just letting it go is fine but down the track the unresolved nature of all of this will come back to haunt you.
Talk to your sister and brother in law and ask them if they was a problem with the art supplies that you weren't aware of.
If there was, apologize to them.
If there wasn't then at least you'll know what the house rules are regarding your boundaries.
Through all of this I'm getting the distinct impression that the communication between you and that couple is a bit blocked and this is a great opportunity to become closer through discussion.

[098poi]

Originally Posted by Binder

You all make good points. I never painted in the house.
I either painted at my girlfriends studio or outside in the park.and the storage tub was sealed. They are gone. They are not in the garage


My problem is not really so much about what happened to my stuff.
My problem is why was it just taken with out me being notified.

I get calls and text from them both all the time while I am on the road.

We watched the Belmont.. Did you have the winner? Wasn't that exciting ,,
When are you coming home. or
How about those Dodgers, ( I am a SF Giants fan ) he is a Dodger fan so there is a friendly rivalry.

Back to my feelings
I am just going to let it go. The supplies are nothing that can't be replaced
It is all just a lesson to be learned. Yes I lost my painting, which I loved
but I can paint anotherone someplace else down the road.
Should I hate ? No -- just let it go

Binder with all due respect you are not in high school. It would not be an unreasonable human interaction to say, "Oh I had done some painting and left my supplies in the closet and now they are gone. Do you know what happened to them?" Just a statement without being accusatory. Then you'll find out. If they threw them out that to me would be kind of rude and inappropriate but that is not the issue. You will know moving forward to mention or ask, "I will be leaving my pet hamsters here while I am gone, is that OK?" You get the idea. Good luck.