HUMOR

[Marshall Bennett]

Guy leaves home for work one morning, kisses wife goodbye, and drives off.
A dude shows up 20 minutes later at same house, knocks on door, and asks the wife if she'd have sex with him for $2000.
She thinks wow 2000 bucks and only I'll know. Why not?
Husband comes home later that day and asks, "did a guy name Al show today with any of what I won off him on the games last week?"

[ebcorde]

1982 ,me and a buddy were in NYC at the World Trade Center. I took a walk over to Battery Park. Felt the need to go into the bathroom, went in and read the Poetry on the wall. Only 1 set of words caught my eye, only one.

"Don't sit here the AIDS can jump 10 feet"

huh? what's that! I recall thinking. I decided to wait until I returned to WTC, went up to my buddy and asked "What's Aids?" "oh that's some stuff people are dying from". 1982. Something about that word caused me to get out of there

[Shemp Howard]

Originally Posted by Longshot6977

Same 2 guys went on a fishing trip and went to the rental shop to rent the boat. While in the middle of the lake, they caught lots of fish.

Dumbrowski- "This is a great spot. We gotta mark this spot so the next time we come fishing we can come directly back to it."

Powlowski- "Great idea". He then grabs a magic marker and jumps overboard. A minute later, he comes up on the other side of the boat and Dumbroski helps pull him up.

Dumbroski- "What the hell did you do down there!?"

Powlowski- "Me used my brain. I put a big X on the bottom of the boat so we get the same spot next time".



Dumbrowski--"What a stupid idea. Suppose we don't get the same boat next time?"

That didn't get much of a laugh when my brothers Curly and Moe acted it out 75 years ago.

[Tom]

The star quarterback failed his math exam, so he was placed on the ineligible list for game that weekend.

When Coach Stan hear that, he ran over to the math department to plead his case.

"It's homecoming weekend, and we will be on national TV. You've got to let him play!"

The math professor thought about it and then suggested, "I will come down to the field 10 minutes before kickoff and give him an oral exam of one question. If he gets it right, he can play. If he gets it wrong, he sits out."

Coach Stan agreed.
He then hired a math tutor to drill his prize player all week long.
Come Saturday, at 12:50, the math prof showed up on the field.

"All right," he said.
"Are you ready for your one question?"

The QB nodded yes.
"Alright then, what is 2 + 2?"
The QB thought for a moment, then replied, "4!"

Coach Stan jumped up yelling, "Give him anther chance, Give him another chance!"

[Longshot6977]

Originally Posted by Shemp Howard

That didn't get much of a laugh when my brothers Curly and Moe acted it out 75 years ago.

Usually gets a laugh when I tell it around here where I live. Those guys were great and can get a laugh in almost anything they do. YouTube has many of their videos. I still love your brothers after all these years.

[Marshall Bennett]

Shemp was my funniest stooge. He played the part to a tee. Curly was too stupid to be legitimately funny. Shemp was unpredictably funny.

[Tom]

There is one episode where all four are together.
It was after Curly's stroke, and he played a bit part as a train passenger sitting in a seat while the other three were in the aisle. He had a big coat and hat on and the hat gets knocked off, I think, but it is him.

[Marshall Bennett]

May have been the episode where the lion climbed in their coach sleeper and began licking their toes.

[Longshot6977]

Originally Posted by Tom

There is one episode where all four are together.
It was after Curly's stroke, and he played a bit part as a train passenger sitting in a seat while the other three were in the aisle. He had a big coat and hat on and the hat gets knocked off, I think, but it is him.

It was an episode called Hold that Lion. Here is a 31 second clip with curly as the snoring passenger.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sk4ujI-EOMk

[barahona44]

Originally Posted by Marshall Bennett

Shemp was my funniest stooge. He played the part to a tee. Curly was too stupid to be legitimately funny. Shemp was unpredictably funny.

Curly NOT the funniest Stooge?.

This blasphemy must end immediately.

[barahona44]

Quick joke so we don't wander too far off topic.

Q: Why doesn't Poland have a water polo team?

A: The horses kept drowning.

[Shemp Howard]

Did you hear about the Polish Godfather?

He makes you an offer you can't understand

[Tom]

Originally Posted by Longshot6977

It was an episode called Hold that Lion. Here is a 31 second clip with curly as the snoring passenger.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sk4ujI-EOMk

Perfect! Thank you for the link.

[OntheRail]

Well along with the Holidays comes the rash of Break-ins. My Security Company wanted to Up my monthly fee's due to the extra work load. They were stunned when I told them to cancel my service. I went and got a few new security flags to post in the front yard. On one side I put a Iranian Flag... on the other a Syrian in the middle a just hunk of black clothe with white paint splashed on it tied to a stick. Spent under $20.00 for all. I Have the Local Police driving by every 5 minutes a white van has been parked across the street since yesterday... I think it's either the FBI or Homeland Security. Not only that they've been keeping a eye on my car while I'm shopping.

Not sure what I'll do with all the money I'm saving...

[myhorse1]

Teacher: How old is your father?
Kid: He is 6 years.
Teacher: What? How is this possible?
Kid: He became father only when I was born.
Logic!!
Children Are Quick and Always Speak Their Minds
_____________________
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
_____________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
_____________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O
______________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No sir, It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher