Best/Worst Joke

[thaskalos]

Originally Posted by PhantomOnTour

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None!

"How many Greeks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw in the bulb...and the other to burn down the place to collect the insurance."

-- Mike Royko

[PhantomOnTour]

How many Bama fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

All of them...one to screw it in and the rest to tell him how The Bear woulda done it!!

[Nutz and Boltz]

The Mighty Thor comes down from the heavens in search of a virgin. After hours of love making, the woman pushes him away. Thor, being enraged, yells out "you cannot refuse me, I am the Mighty Thor ! ". She yells back at him "you're thore? I'm so thore I can't even pith." !

[Tom]

A guy knocks on the door of a whore house.
"What do you want?" said a voice inside.
"I want to get F_"
"Slide a ten under the door.
He slide a crisp new ten dollar bill under the door.
Nothing happens, so he knocks again.
"What do you want?"
"I told you! I want to get F-" he yelled.
"What, AGAIN?"

[ldiatone]

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away...and you’ll have their shoes.

------------------
Two Priests are walking down the street when a drunk man comes up to them.
He says, to the first Priest,"I'm Jesus Christ." The Priest reply's,"No son, you're not!"
So he says to the second,"I'm Jesus Christ." The second Priest says,"No, son, you're not."
The drunk says," Look I can prove it." He takes the two Preists into the bar.
The bartender takes one look at the drunk and says,"JESUS CHRIST YOU'RE HERE AGAIN!!!"

[HalvOnHorseracing]

A very old joke

A priest is walking in a seedier section of the downtown. A prostitute comes up to him and says "Blow job, 20 bucks." The priest has no idea what she is talking about and just keeps on walking. This happens to the priest three more times before he finally makes it to the rectory. He decides the best way to find out what a blow job is, is to ask the Mother Superior. He goes to the convent and when the Mother Superior opens the door the priest says, "Can you tell me what a blow job is?" Mother Superior says, "20 bucks, same as downtown."

[Actor]

From a car commercial that played on Oklahoma radio stations in the 1950's.

Top banana: "Hello all you out there in radio land. This John Doe speaking for ..."

Second banana: "How do you spell handsome?"

Top: (irritated) "H - A - N - D - S - O - M - E"

Second: "Not so fast. I'm doing hunt and peck here."

Top: "H - A - N -D"

Second: "H" click "A" click "N" click "D" click

Top: "S - O - M - E"

Second: "S" click "O" click "M" click "E" click

Top: "Get right down to your local Plymouth dealer for a great deal on a new GTX"

Second: "G" click "T" click "X" click

Top: (groaning) "Oh"

Second: "O" click

[Lemon Drop Husker]

Horse walks into a bar
Bartender says "Why the long face?".
Horse says, "I could of been something if Baffert trained me."

[WaHoo]

I limped into a beer joint and the lady bar tender asked what was wrong
and I asked if she had ever had a kernel come on her toe and she said no
but I had a sargent go off in her hand once

i

[PhantomOnTour]

Gee...what happened to the racist jokes in this thread?
Hmmm...deleted??

[jay68802]

Last weekend I went to a local bar. I noticed a lady who really was nice looking. She was dressed in a very classy way, but the cloths revealed enough to catch your attention. I started a conversation with her and things went well. We had some common likes, and had shared some of the same problems with life. I finally said "Would you be offended if I said that I would like to have sex with you for a thousand dollars?" She smiled, and replied, "No, I would not be offended." I said, "Good, cause I really need the money."