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08-10-2018, 12:06 AM
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#1
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Veteran
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Lincoln, NE
Posts: 11,474
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Best/Worst Joke
3 old ladies sitting on a park bench
A flasher comes by
He flashes the first old lady. She has a stroke
He flashes the second old lady. She has a stroke
He flashes the third old lady, and she would have had a stroke but her arms were too short. 
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08-10-2018, 01:17 PM
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#2
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 28,546
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I don't get it. Why couldn't the flasher move closer? 
__________________
Live to play another day.
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08-10-2018, 01:43 PM
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 15,118
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08-10-2018, 04:03 PM
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#4
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Houston , Tx.
Posts: 9,586
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lemon Drop Husker
3 old ladies sitting on a park bench
A flasher comes by
He flashes the first old lady. She has a stroke
He flashes the second old lady. She has a stroke
He flashes the third old lady, and she would have had a stroke but her arms were too short. |
You named the thread and this sure isn't the best.
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08-10-2018, 04:36 PM
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#5
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 10,987
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Best/worst joke
Two cannibals are eating a clown
One turns to the other and says:
“Does this taste funny to you?”
__________________
All I needed in life I learned from Gary Larson.
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08-10-2018, 06:37 PM
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#6
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Diez meses en Port St. Lucie, FL; two months in the Dominican Republic
Posts: 4,355
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TJDave
Two cannibals are eating a clown
One turns to the other and says:
“Does this taste funny to you?”
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A little cannibal boy runs home and asks his mother "Am I late for dinner?"
She replied, " Yes you are, everybody's eaten."
__________________
"But don't ask me what I think of you, I might not give the answer that you want me to. "
Fleetwood Mac, Oh Well, Part 1 (1969)
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08-10-2018, 06:46 PM
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#7
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: JCapper Platinum: Kind of like Deep Blue... but for horses.
Posts: 5,286
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So I did a Google search for worst jokes - and came up with this one:
https://worstjokesever.com/
Quote:
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3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
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-jp
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__________________
Team JCapper: 2011 PAIHL Regular Season ROI Leader after 15 weeks
www.JCapper.com
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08-10-2018, 10:03 PM
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#8
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 28,546
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeff P
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We say the same joke in Greek...but the last European brings a watermelon instead of a pineapple. The Greeks are sadists.
__________________
Live to play another day.
Last edited by thaskalos; 08-10-2018 at 10:06 PM.
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08-10-2018, 11:17 PM
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#9
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 5,594
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A 3 legged dog walks into a bar and says,
"I'm lookin for the man who shot my paw".
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08-11-2018, 12:04 AM
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#10
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Veteran
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Lincoln, NE
Posts: 11,474
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marshall Bennett
You named the thread and this sure isn't the best. |
Trust me. I have worse.
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08-11-2018, 12:10 AM
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#11
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 28,546
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A skeleton walks up to a bar and tells the bartender:
"Give me a pitcher of beer...and a mop."
__________________
Live to play another day.
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08-11-2018, 12:36 AM
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#12
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 6,359
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A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his penis. The bartender says to him, "You know you've got a ship's wheel on your penis?" And the pirate says, "Argh, I know. It drives me nuts."
__________________
Remember To Help Old Friends Thoroughbred Retirement Center.
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08-11-2018, 12:41 AM
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#13
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,861
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 098poi
A 3 legged dog walks into a bar and says,
"I'm lookin for the man who shot my paw".
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08-11-2018, 10:30 AM
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#14
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The Voice of Reason!
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Canandaigua, New york
Posts: 112,787
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A Madam in the brothel hears the bell ring.
You looks out the peep hole ans sees a guy standing there.
He is on crutches, has a neck brace, both arms are in casts, and he has a body cast over his torso.
"What do want?" she asks.
"I want to get some action!" he replies.
"What the Hell do you thing you could do in your condition? - everything is broken."
"What the hell do you think I'm ringing the bell with?"
__________________
Who does the Racing Form Detective like in this one?
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08-11-2018, 11:57 AM
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#15
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Houston , Tx.
Posts: 9,586
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A little 7 year old sporting a cowboys hat walks into a soda shop, pulls out his toy gun and tells the lady "gimme an ice-cream cone or I'll shoot". The lady smiles and says "Oh my, and how many scoops"? He barks, "Gimme 2 and lots of chocolate syrup". She says "want your nuts crushed"? He says "want your left boob shot off"?
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