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03-27-2020, 11:57 AM
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#1
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Top Horse Analytics
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 12,303
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COVID-19 Humor?
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03-27-2020, 01:51 PM
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#2
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: East Texas
Posts: 1,338
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My neighbor has a sense of humor.
Bales.jpg
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03-27-2020, 02:05 PM
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Houston , Tx.
Posts: 9,587
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03-27-2020, 03:07 PM
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#4
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 4,902
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marshall Bennett
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Funny, but many a truth is spoken in jest.
Hoarders beware, continue being stupid at your own risk.
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03-28-2020, 03:36 AM
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#5
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 15,121
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jay68802
Finally figured out why there is no toilet paper. Was in Wal-Mart this weekend getting stuff for my mother. I was getting ready to check out when a little girl, about 7 or 8 sneezed. 10 people sh!t their pants.
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?
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03-28-2020, 05:54 AM
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#6
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 4,333
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03-28-2020, 04:38 PM
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#7
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 10,999
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A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
__________________
All I needed in life I learned from Gary Larson.
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03-28-2020, 09:06 PM
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#8
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: central fla.
Posts: 4,874
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TJDave
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
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points for that one....  
__________________
got handed a lemon...make lemonade....add sugar or brown sugar or stevia or my personal favorite....miracle fruit....google it...thank me later...
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03-28-2020, 10:48 PM
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#9
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: NE Ohio
Posts: 16,487
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Heard this one the other day:
A guy said he used to cough to cover the sound of a fart. Now, he farts to cover the sound of a cough.
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03-28-2020, 11:02 PM
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#10
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Mukwonago, WI
Posts: 3,207
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__________________
"I don't always frequent message boards, but when I do, I prefer PaceAdvantage."
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03-29-2020, 11:59 AM
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#11
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: NE Ohio
Posts: 16,487
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How about a soundtrack for the virus. I've got the first 2 songs:
My Corona (Sharona)- The Knack
Hey (Covid) 19- Steely Dan
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03-29-2020, 01:43 PM
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#12
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How Cliche
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Northern California
Posts: 530
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three dad joke groaners. made these up.
hate the novel corona virus. it's too long. love the short story.
when's corona time? when every virus get's its lime.
covid 19 has a girlfriend. she's covid and just 18, barely legal.
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03-29-2020, 02:30 PM
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#13
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 666
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Here's one.
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03-29-2020, 03:25 PM
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#14
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 5,005
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Valuist;2579837
How about a soundtrack for the virus. I've got the first 2 songs:
My Corona (Sharona)- The Knack
Hey (Covid) 19- Steely Dan
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"All By Myself" - Eric Carmen
"In My Room" - Beach Boys
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03-29-2020, 03:55 PM
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#15
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C'est Tout
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Cajunland
Posts: 13,270
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Hey baby I see you from across the bar...stay there
__________________
How do I work this?
-David Byrne
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