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It is all about compromise. You don't want to be selfish to your wife but you don't want to be selfish to your self. It sounds like you are fine financially which is a huge plus. Not sure what you are currently doing with racing (2 or 3 hours a day for multiple days or one 10 hour day a week, etc.)
The biggest emotional toll with not being able to devote time to racing is the fact that the lack of effort or commitment is going to cost you from being successful at this game or at least as successful as you want to be. One handicapping blunder or missed troubled trip, can be the difference between tearing up your tickets and collecting a 20 k pick 5. It happens. With me it was often distraction or interruption. I would be at my store myself playing a card and just when it became time to bet a customer who has been in the store for 20 minutes decides he wants service now. Bingo, by the time I am done with the sale the race is off and you know the rest. When you are struggling it is really hard to endure these incidents. When thing are okay financially, they aren't going to hit as hard.
Back to your issue. You need to have the conversation with your wife and figure out a fair compromise. I take it she has no interest in the game? Obviously the best compromise would be for her to have her own small betting account, you provide the expertise and maybe she will love the game. She doesn't even have to handicap. Just give her a laptop and turn on TVG for her. My mother always enjoyed the game even though she went with/for my father. Also isn't Basketball seasonal. Don't you have more time during the off season?
I don't think in general you are going to get the answer you are looking for, because everyone has different needs and expectations. Personally I love racing but have gone 5 or 10 year periods where I never bet a race. I was too busy with other stuff. My goal was to be retired right now and be betting horses daily. At this point I assume I will be working till I am 90. Don't have a problem with that, but not exactly what I planned. Be thankful and feel blessed for your success and good fortune, be fair to your wife and family and at the same time be true to yourself the very best you can. As horse players we all know how consuming this game can be. Fortunately you don't need it to survive, you want to play it for enjoyment. That is the perfect world.
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