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[ldiatone]

Driving down the road, and got a flat tire. I pulled into a gas station and started trying to remove the tire. The station attendant came out and said "You got a flat tire?"
I said, "Nope, driving down the road and the other three just blew up."

Had a job as a truck driver. I was about to go underneath a highway bridge when I saw a sign warn of low clearance. It was too late to do anything about it, so I kept on going. I didn't make it, and my truck got wedged underneath the bridge. A cop stopped to help and said, "You get stuck?"
I said, "Nope, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Went fishing with a buddy and caught an enormous haul of bass. As we came back into dock, someone shouted to us, "Y'all catch all them fish?"
I said, "Nope, talked 'em into giving up."

Was getting my house remodeled. The workers had to move our piano for something. A worker said to me, "Is that your piano?"
I said, "No that's our coffee table, it just has buck teeth."

Had a friend over for dinner. We were chatting in the living room when he noticed the deer head I had on the wall. He said, "You shoot that thang?"
I said, "Nope, he ran through the wall and got stuck."

My wife and I were moving, and we'd spent all day packing things up. We had a big U-Haul out in the driveway and everything. A neighbor knocked on the door and asked, "Y'all movin'?"
I said, "No, every now and then we pack up all our crap just to see how many boxes it takes."

Had to get my car towed. The tow truck was lifting my car onto its back when my neighbor came around and asked, "Gettin' your car towed?"
I said "Nah we're breeding it. Hoping to get a Mini Cooper."

Accidentally locked myself out of my car. There I was with a coat hanger trying to hit the unlock button. Someone came around and asked, "You get locked out?"
I said, "Nope, I just washed and waxed it, and I'm hanging it up to dry."