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Search took 0.01 seconds. Search: Posts Made By: Dave Schwartz
Forum: Off Topic - General 11-09-2021, 05:22 AM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
Love this scene. Did he adjust for the...

Love this scene.



Did he adjust for the reduced payout?
:lol:
Forum: Off Topic - General 09-06-2021, 10:44 PM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
The Magic Elevator

Not a single Humor post in 3 weeks!
I'll start.

Being Amish my son and I were visiting a mall for the first time. We were amazed by almost everything we saw, but especially by two shiny, silver...
Forum: Off Topic - General 07-06-2021, 08:24 PM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
PEEING ON MY FLOWERS A little old lady was...

PEEING ON MY FLOWERS

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in awhile a $20 bill fell out onto...
Forum: Off Topic - General 06-12-2021, 11:57 AM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
If one doesn't even OWN a tie, is it possible to...

If one doesn't even OWN a tie, is it possible to still be bad ass?
Forum: Off Topic - General 03-25-2021, 11:20 AM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
LOL Alas, not a true story. Just a...

LOL
Alas, not a true story.

Just a copy-and-paste but I'm still laughing every time I read it.
Forum: Off Topic - General 03-24-2021, 09:44 PM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
So I woke up and my dog is laying on the back...

So I woke up and my dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise blue ribbon rabbits. I instantly knew it...
Forum: Off Topic - General 01-19-2021, 02:07 PM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
What's not funny: There were no new humor posts...

What's not funny: There were no new humor posts for THREE MONTHS!

What do you suppose caused that?

Thanks for bringing it back to life, guys. :ThmbUp::ThmbUp:
Forum: Off Topic - General 06-16-2020, 08:23 PM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
A father took his eight year old daughter to work...

A father took his eight year old daughter to work on "Take your child to Work Day"

As they were walking around the office the girl started crying and getting very upset.

As his co-workers...
Forum: Off Topic - General 06-16-2020, 06:07 AM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
A very nice little old lady brings her bus driver...

A very nice little old lady brings her bus driver a bag of peanuts every day. After a week or so of eating peanuts each day he asked the lady: "Please ma'am, don't bring me anymore peanuts. Keep them...
Forum: Off Topic - General 08-06-2019, 10:19 AM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
God calls the Pope one day... The Pope was...

God calls the Pope one day...

The Pope was working at his desk when the phone rings."Hello, this is the Pope."

He immediately recognized the voice at the other end of the line. "My son, this is...
Forum: Off Topic - General 05-12-2019, 07:53 PM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
A very wealthy fellow was quite concerned about...

A very wealthy fellow was quite concerned about his dad's recent forgetfulness. In the past few months it had become obvious that he was slipping badly.

Having millions of dollars at his disposal,...
Forum: Off Topic - General 12-11-2018, 03:03 PM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
Had to share that one! :lol:

Had to share that one!

:lol:
Forum: Off Topic - General 09-06-2018, 11:53 PM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
It is on this day every year that I recall my...

It is on this day every year that I recall my father, Solomon Schwartz.



Sept. 6 was his first day on earth,
also 'twas his last.
42 years ago today,
Was the day he passed.

Were he alive...
Forum: Off Topic - General 08-29-2018, 11:45 PM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
What do you call someone who is a fan of Boston...

What do you call someone who is a fan of Boston as well as the White Sox?

BiSoxual.
Forum: Off Topic - General 04-13-2018, 10:34 AM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
A guy is in a bar and right next to him, three...

A guy is in a bar and right next to him, three hefty women are talking really loud.

They sound Scottish to him, so he turns and says, "Excuse me, but are you three lassies from Scotland?"

The...
Forum: Off Topic - General 03-18-2018, 01:19 PM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
Sure, you make light of this. As a teenager...

Sure, you make light of this.

As a teenager in Belfast, we'd generally stop in a pub for a shot on the way home from school. (Or at least a beer.) I think drinking age was like 15.
Forum: Off Topic - General 03-14-2016, 09:51 PM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
An 83-year old man, who had recently taken an...

An 83-year old man, who had recently taken an 18-year old wife, was having a few drinks in a local pub. His cronies were trying to get him to discuss his wedding night and, after tossing back a few...
Forum: Off Topic - General 12-05-2015, 03:51 PM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
Polish loan shark: Loaned out all his money then...

Polish loan shark: Loaned out all his money then skipped town.
Forum: Off Topic - General 10-01-2015, 12:27 PM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
A young couple got married and decided to adopt a...

A young couple got married and decided to adopt a rather unique savings plan. Every time they had sex, the husband would stick $10 into his wife's pillow case.

After about a month he decided to...
Forum: Off Topic - General 06-24-2015, 04:42 PM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
Curtis & Magwell, You guys are just...

Curtis & Magwell,

You guys are just excellent at this. :lol: :lol:

Tom, on the other hand... Some people just can't tell a story. :D
Forum: Off Topic - General 10-23-2014, 08:58 PM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
I couldn't think of a better place to put this,...

I couldn't think of a better place to put this, even though it is not a joke.

Funny story: I just started a new book. Since I am such a horrible typist, I dictate using Dragon Naturally Speaking....
Forum: Off Topic - General 10-20-2014, 12:52 AM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
On the Rail, :lol: :lol: :lol: ...

On the Rail,

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Sincerely,
Dave Schwartz
Forum: Off Topic - General 10-07-2014, 11:51 PM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
Those are good. (Just could not get through them...

Those are good. (Just could not get through them all but they are... accurate.)
Forum: Off Topic - General 10-03-2014, 11:45 AM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
Back at ya, Tom. A man comes home and says...

Back at ya, Tom.

A man comes home and says to his wife that he has an idea for a new sex position. She says, "What do you have in mind?" and he says, "Back-to-back."

She says, "How does that...
Forum: Off Topic - General 10-25-2013, 10:21 PM
Replies: 1,667
Views: 351,289
Posted By Dave Schwartz
Longshot & Sammy, Thanks for getting this...

Longshot & Sammy,

Thanks for getting this thread back on track.

Great humor, to boot.

(Sammy's went to my Facebook page.)
Showing results 1 to 25 of 28
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