Today, October 13, 2018, is National Skeptic's Day.




Yeah, right!:rolleyes:

A three-legged dog walks into a bar. Bartender asks " How can I help you?"

Dog answers "I'm lookin for the sumabitch who shot my paw." :D

I admit it...I don't get it...

His tan line stops where his mask is.

oohhh I SEE, said the blind man as he picked up the hammer and saw......

The lord of the manor was having terrible problems with a mole digging his lawns up so he called in the local mole catcher.
"When you catch the mole", he told the mole catcher, "I want you to inflict upon it the worst death imaginable".
The mole catcher agreed and went about his business.
The following morning the lord saw the mole catcher.
"Did you catch the mole?" he asked.
"I did sir" replied the mole catcher.
"And did you inflict upon it the worst death imaginable?"
"I did sir. I buried him alive"

man walks into the vets office with a dog in his arms. He says to the vet, "There's something wrong with my dog." The vet checks him over and says, "Your dog is dead, sir." The man replies, "I want a second opinion." So the vet leaves and returns with a beautiful labrador retriever. The dog walks over and nudges it, paws at it, barks and leaves the room. The man asks, "What does that mean?" The doctor replies, "It means your dog is dead. The man replies, "I want another opinion." So the vet leaves and returns with a cat. The cat walks over nudges it, paws at it, jumps up on the window sill and purrs before falling asleep. The man asks, "What does that mean?" The doctor replies, "It means your dog is dead." "Fine, I believe my dog is dead. How much do I owe you?" "500 dollars." "500 bucks, what for?" "Well, you had the lab test and the cat scan."

Guy walks into a bar and asks for a shot of 12-year-old Scotch. Bartender tries to fool him with a shot of cheap bar Scotch. He drinks it, and says, "This is some cheap ass bar scotch...I want 12-year-old Scotch." Bartender gives him a shot of 6-year-old Scotch, but our Scotch expert is not fooled. "I want 12-year-old Scotch! Not 6, not 8, not 9 year old stuff!" Bartender gives him finally the 12-year-old stuff, our Scotch snob says, "Thank you, sir...very smooth."

Drunk at the end of the bar walks over and says, "Pretty good...here take a drink of this." The guy takes the glass and drinks the concoction. He looks over and says, "This shit tastes like piss!" The drunk said, "It is, now how old am I?"

humorous some are....

DAMN...that's actually a good one...and I'm an idiot for not figuring it out immediately...:lol::ThmbUp:

Jesus, Moses and a very old man are playing golf. At the first
hole there was a water puddle aprox 10 ft. from the hole. The first one
to go was Moses. He swung and it was a beautiful shot but it headed right
for the water puddle. Moses opened his eyes widely and the water split
down the middle and the ball rolled through. The ball finally stopped
about 5 ft from the hole.
Jesus looked at Moses and said "Good shot Moses."
Jesus was up next. He swung and it was a beautiful shot but it was
also heading directly for the water puddle. So Jesus opened his eyes very
wide and the golf ball sprouted legs and walked on the water. The ball
finally stopped about 3 ft from the hole.
Moses looked at Jesus and said "Good shot Jesus."
Finally, it was the older man's turn. He swung and being a weak old
man he only hit the ball about 15 ft. but before the ball stopped a gopher
picks the ball up and begins to run away, then an eagle swoops down and
grabs the gopher and begins to fly away with it, then a bolt of lightning
strikes the eagle, the eagle drops the gopher, the gopher hits the ground, the
ball flies out of its mouth and into the hole.
Jesus looks over at the old man and says "Good shot Dad."

A week later, Jesus and Moses are out alone playing golf.
They get to the third fairway, and Moses pulls out his 9 iron.
"Arnold Palmer would use an 8" Jesus tell Moses.

On the fourth fairway, Moses pulls out his 7 iron and Jesus tell him that Arnold Palmer would use a 6.

On the sixth hole, Jesus hits one right into the water.
He walks out over the water to the center of the pond and pick up his ball.

A group behind the two sees this and one guy says to Moses, "Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ?"

"No, he thinks he's Arnold Palmer."

A teacher shows a 2nd grader student a picture of an elephant and asks him what animal it is. The little guy says, ‘It’s a frickin elephant.’ The teacher is taken aback and asks again what animal it is. He repeats, ‘It’s a frickin elephant.’ and then points to the name at the bottom of the picture: African Elephant.

A father takes his kids to the zoo one day. Usually, the mother took them, but she was sick that day.

They got to the elephant cage and little Johnny pointed out the elephant's "manhood" and asked his father "Dad, what is that thing?"

Dad got a little nervous, not knowing how to answer, when little SUzie piped up and said, "Mom says that is nothing!"

"Well," said Dad.
"Your mother is spoiled."

A man tells a rabbi " I have a strong desire to live to eternity; what should I do?"

"Get married" replies the rabbi.

"It's that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?"

"No, but the desire will disappear!"