Jaguar
01-15-2004, 01:32 PM
I hereby nominate our own wonderful Vet Scratch to be appointed Professor Of Political Economy at Brandeis University, as well as Chairperson of that Department.
This appointment will please Game Theory, as VS will be too busy advising undergraduates to post much on PA. Furthermore, the position will afford VS a modest stipend(not that she needs it) and a generous retirement(not that she needs it).
Moreover, as a professor, VS will be pleased because her students will be compelled to write down everything VS says- and will also have to memorize the material- as they will be tested on it.
Probably VS's most compelling course for undergraduates will be her famous one semester lecture course entitled: "How The American Right Wing Fouled Up The World, And What Can Be Done About It"
Trust me, VS will be the most popular(as well as the most glamorous) professor at Brandeis. Her lecture hall will be jammed and she will be greeted by standing ovations. They lap this stuff up at Brandeis.
For those high school seniors who are preparing for Brandeis and who want to get a leg up in anticipation of VS's HTARWFUTWAWCBDAI course, you can prepare for some of Professor VS's pop quizzes by learning the answers to the following questions:
1. Who was Harry Hopkins and why was he important?
2. Woodrow Wilson was accused of being a naive dreamer, prove that accusation false.
3. Support and defend the notion that Adlai Stevenson would have been a great President.
4. Some Democrats maintain that Walter Mondale and Hubert Hunphrey would have been a magnificent team as our President and Vice President. Show why that idea is sound.
5. Support and defend the fact that Florida Republicans do not permit African Americans to vote in national elections.
6. A Harvard science professor reviewed Al Gore's environmental book "Earth In The Balance" and called the work "junk science".
Prove that the professor is wrong.
7. President Clinton caused our weapons secrets to be revealed to the Chinese in return for cash contributions for his re-election campaign. Show why this betrayal of America is a good thing.
8. A Chicago welfare mother with 15 children by 4 different men has been adversely impacted by the Republican-generated welfare cutbacks which President Clinton was compelled to sign against his will. Show why higher welfare payments would have helped this woman obtain a 42" plasma tv much faster.
In order for Brandeis to appoint VS to this new Professorship, the Chair will have to be endowed. This will require her fans on PA to forward contributions totaling 1.5 million dollars to the University.
As a gesture of enthusiasm for this new appointment, I am spear-heading the fund-raising drive by sending Brandeis University $25. I will send much more later, as I win a few large Aqueduct quinielas.
So please- everyone- be generous, send Brandeis your money so that VS can have a platform worthy of her intelligence and wisdom. Just think, how many other Brandeis professors will address their students wearing a $200 Gucci scarf and a cute pair of $400 Jimmy Choo slingbacks...That's our Vet Scratch, brilliant and beautiful!
All The Best,
Jaguar
This appointment will please Game Theory, as VS will be too busy advising undergraduates to post much on PA. Furthermore, the position will afford VS a modest stipend(not that she needs it) and a generous retirement(not that she needs it).
Moreover, as a professor, VS will be pleased because her students will be compelled to write down everything VS says- and will also have to memorize the material- as they will be tested on it.
Probably VS's most compelling course for undergraduates will be her famous one semester lecture course entitled: "How The American Right Wing Fouled Up The World, And What Can Be Done About It"
Trust me, VS will be the most popular(as well as the most glamorous) professor at Brandeis. Her lecture hall will be jammed and she will be greeted by standing ovations. They lap this stuff up at Brandeis.
For those high school seniors who are preparing for Brandeis and who want to get a leg up in anticipation of VS's HTARWFUTWAWCBDAI course, you can prepare for some of Professor VS's pop quizzes by learning the answers to the following questions:
1. Who was Harry Hopkins and why was he important?
2. Woodrow Wilson was accused of being a naive dreamer, prove that accusation false.
3. Support and defend the notion that Adlai Stevenson would have been a great President.
4. Some Democrats maintain that Walter Mondale and Hubert Hunphrey would have been a magnificent team as our President and Vice President. Show why that idea is sound.
5. Support and defend the fact that Florida Republicans do not permit African Americans to vote in national elections.
6. A Harvard science professor reviewed Al Gore's environmental book "Earth In The Balance" and called the work "junk science".
Prove that the professor is wrong.
7. President Clinton caused our weapons secrets to be revealed to the Chinese in return for cash contributions for his re-election campaign. Show why this betrayal of America is a good thing.
8. A Chicago welfare mother with 15 children by 4 different men has been adversely impacted by the Republican-generated welfare cutbacks which President Clinton was compelled to sign against his will. Show why higher welfare payments would have helped this woman obtain a 42" plasma tv much faster.
In order for Brandeis to appoint VS to this new Professorship, the Chair will have to be endowed. This will require her fans on PA to forward contributions totaling 1.5 million dollars to the University.
As a gesture of enthusiasm for this new appointment, I am spear-heading the fund-raising drive by sending Brandeis University $25. I will send much more later, as I win a few large Aqueduct quinielas.
So please- everyone- be generous, send Brandeis your money so that VS can have a platform worthy of her intelligence and wisdom. Just think, how many other Brandeis professors will address their students wearing a $200 Gucci scarf and a cute pair of $400 Jimmy Choo slingbacks...That's our Vet Scratch, brilliant and beautiful!
All The Best,
Jaguar