Bad situations with alcoholic friends/family

[Zippy Chippy]

Last night the most upsetting thing happened. My friend has been in AA for 90 days. Gone to meetings 90 days in a row. Has a great job, great family. His wife has kicked him out twice and he's gotten his act back together and he's back in the house. He told me she was out in Boston for the night and to stop by. The second I got there I was horrified to notice he was beyond drunk. I mean completely wasted. Home with a 9mo.old and 2yr old. I did not know what to do. There's no way I can leave him there alone with the screaming baby, but there is no way I can be the 1 to call his wife/parents and be the guy that tells on him and gets him kicked out. I ended up calling a friend I know that goes to meetings with him. He called his father and wife. I stayed there and hung out on his porch til his parents and wife got there. I know I did the right thing since kids were involved, but its really upsetting to.me knowing that i caused him getting in trouble. I'm.scared to see if he will be mad at me.

[newtothegame]

Zippy,
Personally, I don't know you or your friend but, I can say this......If I were in the same boat as your friend, I would hope like hell I had a friend like you. Sometimes doing the right thing isnt always the easiest. But, true friends always do the right things. If he is upset with you, it only would indicate to me that he isnt ready for your friendship....

[098poi]

Zippy I know that was a tough call. I have been sober over 13 years and it's not always easy. Just because someone is an alcoholic and everyone knows, including the alcoholic, that does not remove them from some basic responsibilities. I know you were in an awkward spot but the welfare of the kids far outweighs "if your friend will be mad at you". Hopefully your friend will try again and someday recognize his role and thank you for doing the right thing. For now the best you can do is be the friend you are and say a prayer for him.

[Ocala Mike]

You absolutely did the right thing. Hopefully, he will thank you later on down the road, but even if he doesn't, the sentence above applies.

[Tom]

Right decision.
The kids come first.
He is obviously not fit to be left with them.

[Zippy Chippy]

He's already called me today to thank me and apologize, and tell me he's getting divorced. I guess if you don't have a drinking problem you can understand why youd throw away a family for some drinks. Cause I don't understand it.

[Dave Schwartz]

Personally, I don't know you or your friend but, I can say this......If I were in the same boat as your friend, I would hope like hell I had a friend like you. Sometimes doing the right thing isnt always the easiest. But, true friends always do the right things. If he is upset with you, it only would indicate to me that he isnt ready for your friendship...


Zips,

This pretty much nailed it.

You, sir, are a good man.


Regards,
Dave Schwartz

[Grits]

He's already called me today to thank me and apologize, and tell me he's getting divorced. I guess if you don't have a drinking problem you can understand why youd throw away a family for some drinks. Cause I don't understand it.

Zips, don't worry about understanding it. Let go of it. You did the right thing. I most likely would've put him in a more dire situation because he knew what he was doing. He knew when he took the first swallow where he would go. I would've called 911, law enforcement, because he placed his children in jeopardy. A baby and a toddler are incapable of caring for themselves at any time.

With law enforcement, child protective services may have become involved as well. And that would've been my goal. The wife and parents need a wake up call, too. Not all problems with alcoholics can be solved by family members as hard as they may try.

I'm sorry for this man. He needs help, no doubt. But obviously, the anger, the consequences of his wife and his parents aren't great enough to keep him sober while left alone with his babies. Situations like this are horrible for children at any age, no child should have to live in this, and no woman either. This man is young. He has a lifetime of misery ahead of him. Maybe he'll turn his life around, maybe he won't. Even though there is support for family members through AA, still this is up to him. No one can do it for him.

My brother in law has been sober for years and he drank himself into a stupor every night. He was a mean drunk, which made matters worse! Today, at 55 he's healthier than he was at 40. Too, my grandfather was an alcoholic all of his adult life. My grandmother died young. My grandfather didn't take care of his children. My mom was cooking and taking care of her sisters at 11 years old. I can't express, still, my loathing of my grandfather. He caused my mom misery until the very day he died.

I know all this sounds hard, but drunks inflict pain upon everyone around them. If one causes children harm, nothing will stop me, including firearms. Do what you want with your own life, but don't place a child's in jeopardy. When you do, you can harm them .... for life.

[Greyfox]

I know I did the right thing since kids were involved, but its really upsetting to.me knowing that i caused him getting in trouble. I'm.scared to see if he will be mad at me.

You did the right thing.
But you do have some crooked thinking that needs straightening.
1. You did not cause him to get in trouble. His behavior did. He's lucky those kids aren't being taken away by a Social Worker.

2. So what if he's mad at you. You should be mad at him for putting those kids in jeopardy. Even if he's mad at you he'll get over it. If he doesn't then you don't need him or his problems in your life.

[mildeu]

You do what you NEED to do.!!!!

I LOVE YOU BRO, BUT, THIS IS INTOLERABLE

[GaryG]

He's already called me today to thank me and apologize, and tell me he's getting divorced. I guess if you don't have a drinking problem you can understand why youd throw away a family for some drinks. Cause I don't understand it.Yes it can happen....it happened to me. Not alcohol but hallucinogenic drugs. You don't see the world clearly when you are looking at it through a purple haze. I was young, knew everything, and placed a higher value on my friends who were solving all the world's problems while in the twilight zone. I don't care what the ex-wife thinks but I have never been able to repair the relationship with my oldest son.

[Cardus]

Yet again, I shake my head about some of the situations that are posted in Internet Land.

[bigmack]

Yet again, I shake my head about some of the situations that are posted in Internet Land.
Damn straight. Remember that time you called the guy at ESPN a racist for using the innocuous "Chink in the Armor" in a headline. And yet you never backpedaled an inch on that slice of psychosis. Speaks volumes.

[Grits]

Yet again, I shake my head about some of the situations that are posted in Internet Land.

Yet again, I shake my head about your one line put downs that are posted in Internet Land.

[PaceAdvantage]

He's the Henny Youngman of Internet Land...

[jognlope]

They say a person has to decide on his own to quit, but how's he going to that without someone helping make that decision. Right thing you did.

[Cardus]

Damn straight. Remember that time you called the guy at ESPN a racist for using the innocuous "Chink in the Armor" in a headline. And yet you never backpedaled an inch on that slice of psychosis. Speaks volumes.

I never called him a racist.

This is what I posted in that thread:

"Others can assume what I meant -- it's their ability to do so -- but I do not know that the guy is a bigot.

It is reasonable to believe, though, that the guy knew that this would get him attention, and at his age, it is not like he will be forever unemployed.

Who knows, in today's media climate, some entity might find his headline to be a positive contribution."

You're wrong.

[Rookies]

KUDOS!:)

Zip... I've never met you, but the test of good human beings are often those situations which generally cause the most stress in making the correct decision and therefore are the most difficult.

You, figured it out here easily and 100% nailed it:ThmbUp: , as many here have mentioned.

[Cardus]

Yet again, I shake my head about your one line put downs that are posted in Internet Land.

Are you jealous that I can get my point across in relatively few words, as opposed to your "War and Peace"-length productions that say little?

[jelly]

As we speak the 9 month.old and 2yr old are better off with this guy gone.

Hopefully he can get his act together

[MikeH]

I have found the following forum to be very helpful:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/adult-children-addicted-alcoholic-parents/

[thaskalos]

He's the Henny Youngman of Internet Land...

The only difference being...Henny Youngman was funny sometimes...

[JustRalph]

The only difference being...Henny Youngman was funny sometimes...

You can actually hear Henny Youngman on the comedy channel on sirius/xm

My wife hates it when i laugh at his jokes. He couldnt get away with some of those jokes today, but they still play them on xm

[Cardus]

The only difference being...Henny Youngman was funny sometimes...

I suppose it would be tough for anyone to compete with the comedy that you delivered -- though presented as serious thought -- in the recent NYRA thread over the last week.

[thaskalos]

I suppose it would be tough for anyone to compete with the comedy that you delivered -- though presented as serious thought -- in the recent NYRA thread over the last week.
I strive to be entertaining...whether I am serious or not.

Not everyone can pull it off though...

It requires the occasional original thought...

[bigmack]

I never called him a racist.

You're wrong.
Convenient, you citing the wrong post. Try this one.

It wasn't a mistake. The guy had to know what he was doing. He wanted attention and he has received it. Hooray for him! Only fools would think that the guy made a mistake.

It is a sad state of affairs in 2012 in America when people produce garbage in order to get attention. And they get it!

It's so commonplace now.
Try and explain "the guy knew what he was doing & "only fools would think he made a mistake."

Spin away. GL. :ThmbUp:

[jdhanover]

In an attempt to push this thread back on point, what you did for your friend was 100% the right thing to do. Imagine if you did nothing and then something had happened to the children that night.

Well done sir...and I hope your friend gets the help he needs.

[Dahoss9698]

I strive to be entertaining...whether I am serious or not.

Not everyone can pull it off though...

It requires the occasional original thought...

Define occasional.

[Cardus]

Convenient, you citing the wrong post. Try this one.


Try and explain "the guy knew what he was doing & "only fools would think he made a mistake."

Spin away. GL. :ThmbUp:

Yet again, I never called him a racist.

You're wrong.

Again.

I knew that you would cite this post. That is why I posted the other one first.

Schmuck.