PDA

View Full Version : Great Sex Quotes. Clean, PG-13, Funny.


BlueShoe
05-02-2012, 11:21 AM
Just a few from well known celebrities about our (sometimes) favorite pastime. All are from older men, three now deceased, and one woman. How many echo your own private sentiments? Now don't be bashful, 'fess up. :)

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" that women get when they want sex? Me neither."
Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner you'd better have a good hand."
Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
Rodney Dangerfield

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex--no matter what she's reading."
Steve Jobs

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man may forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
Robert De Niro

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
George Burns

Tom
05-02-2012, 01:24 PM
My doctor told me I had to give up half my sex life.
Now I have to decide which half....thinking about it or talking about it.

GameTheory
05-02-2012, 01:25 PM
Those attributions seem just random. Steve Jobs? Robert DeNiro? Tom Clancy? I don't think so. And the Steve Martin quote is from Drew Carey, and the Tom Clancy quote is from Steve Martin...

KingChas
05-02-2012, 03:33 PM
"Ward weren't you a little hard on the Beaver last night?"

June Cleaver on.........Leave it to Beaver.

Played by Barbara Billingsley.

DJofSD
05-02-2012, 06:44 PM
What I used to do all night now takes me all night to do.

Once a king, always a king but once a knoght is enough.

badcompany
05-02-2012, 07:00 PM
"It's easy to get laid when you're rich and famous. When you're broke and unknown, it takes skill."

Kevin Bacon

Tom
05-02-2012, 09:54 PM
The doorbell of a brothel rings and the madam looks through the peephole.
A guy on crutches has both arms in cats, both legs in casts, a neck brace, and body cast.

"What do you want?" she asks.
"I want some action!" he replies.
"What the hell do you think you could possibly do - look at you!" she laughs.

"What do think I rang the bell with?" he replies.

Ocala Mike
05-02-2012, 11:01 PM
Old one, no attribution:

"Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing."

JustRalph
05-02-2012, 11:03 PM
Sex is like Oxygen. Everybody takes it for granted until they aren't getting any

justralph's grandpappy

toetoe
05-03-2012, 01:34 AM
"Clinton lied. A man may forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush







Can not tell a lie.