Great text from my wife this morning

[lsbets]

Got this just after she woke up. She was a little flustered:

"Holy sh*t, f*&^ing giant snake in my bush."

LMAO - 4-5 foot snake in the bush in front of the house. Figuring out what to use to kill it.

[PaceAdvantage]

Call animal control and let them deal with it...tell them you think it's a cobra...might get them out there quicker...then again, maybe it will make them drive slower...who the hell wants to deal with a cobra? :lol:

[PaceAdvantage]

Then again, some guys getting a text like that might be calling a divorce attorney, and not animal control... :lol:

(sorry, I just had to...) :lol: :lol:

[lsbets]

Then again, some guys getting a text like that might be calling a divorce attorney, and not animal control... :lol:

(sorry, I just had to...) :lol: :lol:

That's what makes the text so funny.

I won't call animal control. Too many options at home - bayonet, k bar, 9 mil, 12 gauge, or AK. And I'm outside the city limits so I can shoot any of em. Probably just gonna go with the k bar though.

[Ocala Mike]

Why kill it at all? Don't know what part of the country you're from, but on my farm the snakes kill small rodents and other pests. Just about all of them are harmless to humans; besides, the cats like to play with them!


Ocala Mike

[rastajenk]

She didn't say she wanted it killed. :p

[lsbets]

She wants it dead, she made that very clear in the follow up phone call. And when your 7.5 month pregnant wife wants a snake dead, its probably a good idea to kill it.

[Rookies]

Then again, some guys getting a text like that might be calling a divorce attorney, and not animal control... :lol:

You know, that's why I don't hav a cell/blackberry, etc.

You can't believe how quickly and funny this stuff comes out. Like idgits sending out pix of their uhhh... "giant snake"...:lol:

Heard the same story last night from a ( soon to be divorced) neighbour, who received a pic. What possesses guys to send them ? :(

[PaceAdvantage]

That's what makes the text so funny.

I won't call animal control. Too many options at home - bayonet, k bar, 9 mil, 12 gauge, or AK. And I'm outside the city limits so I can shoot any of em. Probably just gonna go with the k bar though.Sorry, that was the city slicker in me talking...

AK would be overkill, but might be the most enjoyable overall... :lol:

[cj's dad]

And while you are killing it you could imagine it was your "favorite" politician.

[PhantomOnTour]

Rodney Dangerfield (rest his soul):

"My wife phoned me other day and told me to hurry home...she found a new position. When I got home the position had been filled!"
Hey...no respect.

[Dave Schwartz]

Come on, LS. Just determine what kind of snake it is, and pick the damn thing up.

Geez...

When I was a kid (growing up in FL) we'd see small snakes in our back yard EVERY DAY. Granted, 4+' snakes we wouldn't see more than a couple of times each month. I'd just go out and add them to my collection.

Think of how educational it would be for the kids.

http://www.horsestreet.com/BBSImages/Dave+Snake.jpg

That's me with my indigo snake when I was like 10 years old. That snake eventually grew to 7'6". At one time I had about 30 or 40 other snakes, most that I caught myself.

Over the years I brought home a small alligator, a skunk, a great blue heron, and the best of all, a 40-lb alligator snapping turtle.

This one is just about the same size as the one I brought home:
http://www.horsestreet.com/BBSImages/snapturtle.jpg

LOL - I remember that I couldn't get it out of the pool.

Here is how big they CAN get:
http://www.horsestreet.com/BBSImages/BIG%20snapturtle.jpg


Read more about them here:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alligator_snapping_turtle



Dave

[PaceAdvantage]

And just for the record, lest my last reply be taken the wrong way (there is no other way to take it other than the wrong way now that I read it...lol), I get pangs of guilt killing a carpenter ant or spider that happens to wander into the house...personally, I would have to find some non-lethal means to rid my domain of a snake...(then again, would I be saying the same thing if I had access to the arsenal at lsbets' disposal? :lol: :eek: :lol: )

[JustRalph]

It sounds like she threw a HISSSSSSSSSSSYYYYYY Fit

[elysiantraveller]

That's what makes the text so funny.

I won't call animal control. Too many options at home - bayonet, k bar, 9 mil, 12 gauge, or AK. And I'm outside the city limits so I can shoot any of em. Probably just gonna go with the k bar though.

Shovel?...

Everything else seems a wee bit sadistic.

[kingfin66]

That's what makes the text so funny.

I won't call animal control. Too many options at home - bayonet, k bar, 9 mil, 12 gauge, or AK. And I'm outside the city limits so I can shoot any of em. Probably just gonna go with the k bar though.

I would definitely do with the K bar. It is oh so versatile.

[Grits]

It sounds like she threw a HISSSSSSSSSSSYYYYYY Fit

Jus' like I did several nights ago when one was in my living room. My dog had been in and out of the there throughout the day. She'd bark and bark, and I figured she just saw something outdoors. Didn't think a thing of it. Well, that night, I'm in the den. The lights are not on, except for one lamp at the far end of the room. She starts barking again, comes to look at me, goes back to the living room. Well, I had enough of this . . . she went near the TV cabinet, its big and next to the door that leads on to my screened in porch. We stood there in the dimly lit room, and I'm saying, "what is it? What are you carrying on about?" Still barking, going towards the door, then stepping backwards towards me. I turn on another light in the room, and there crawling by the door is a baby snake, wiggling and moving as fast as can be.

I said all those words Isbet's bride said!!! "HOLY SH**, SONOFA*****, what are you doing in my DAMN house?" I was in an absolute state!!!

I have oak floors, so I couldn't get a shovel, a rake or a hoe and beat him too death, I'd have put gashes and scratches all in the floor. I really was about to die. I'm horrified of snakes.

My brother lives nearby, I called him, "I'm on the way". . . . the snake stopped wiggling, just laid there quietlike by the door.

Meantime, I went in the kitchen, boiled an 8 cup pitcher of water in the microwave. Took it a long time, too. When Richard came in, I was on the way to the living room to pour all that water on that unsuspecting, but damn confused snake. I was gonna burn him too death. Lord, Jesus, please forgive me . . . but I was. I hated it, and my heart was 'bout to beat out of my chest, but he just couldn't stay in my house. I figured I could wipe him and the hot water up off the floor--after he was dead. The water wouldn't mess up the floors cause he'd die quick.

Richard stopped me. "NO, NO, DON'T. Let me just get him." He picked him up with my grilling tongs, and do you y'all know that rascal was striking at him the whole time. He took him to the curb, and dropped him off. His mama, him, and all his brothers and sisters are probably still out in my damn yard. (That's my punishment for almost committing murder.)

My dog, she's the best watchdog in the world, all 7 lbs of her.

Y'all, never enter a Southern woman's house unless invited.

[Saratoga_Mike]

Meantime, I went in the kitchen, boiled an 8 cup pitcher of water in the microwave. Took it a long time, too. When Richard came in, I was on the way to the living room to pour all that water on that unsuspecting, but damn confused snake. I was gonna burn him too death. Lord, Jesus, please forgive me . . . but I was. I hated it, and my heart was 'bout to beat out of my chest, but he just couldn't stay in my house. I figured I could wipe him and the hot water up off the floor--after he was dead. The water wouldn't mess up the floors cause he'd die quick.



That's some ingenuity!

[Grits]

That's some ingenuity!


Had nothing to do with ingenuity, but of course, you're aware of this.

Just scared of him.

[benzer]

Grits,
That was a great story.

I usually just grab them and throw them into the field. Since I'm not crazy about snakes one day I decided to research them a bit.

Best I can tell is that the poisonous ones have patches on their bodies (coloration not actual) instead of stripes. The other varieties still can and will bite but have only small teeth.

[Grits]

Benzer, I can't grab a snake, I'd die. I would be that fearful.

Spiders, no problem, pick 'em up, take 'em outside. Bugs, same thing. But now, frogs, don't like those either. I'm fine when they're hopping in the yard, but if one comes close to me--got to go. When I was a child, a neighbor put one down the back of my shirt. I ran home screaming and crying to my mom and dad, "get him out, get him out". Left me traumatized, took years to get over that frog.:lol:

[Dave Schwartz]

You people are just too funny. These these aren't going to hurt you near as much as say a bee or wasp might.

The only time I ever acted that way was when I found a coral snake in my carport when I was 7. I was right to be scared.


Dave

[Saratoga_Mike]

Had nothing to do with ingenuity, but of course, you're aware of this.

Just scared of him.

Nah, I never would have thought of pouring boiling water on a snake. To me, it was a clever idea, but I'm sure the snake wouldn't have agreed.

[PaceAdvantage]

Is lsbets ever gonna let us know his chosen method of execution?

Or did the snake win? :eek:

No, wait...I distinctly remember lsbets posting in another off-topic thread today, so I guess he didn't take the worst of it... :lol:

[HUSKER55]

unless he was with weiner and got hijacked:D

[Grits]

Nah, I never would have thought of pouring boiling water on a snake. To me, it was a clever idea, but I'm sure the snake wouldn't have agreed.

No, not clever. My brother had the better idea, though, he wasn't too wild about carrying it out--in hand, no less. Trust me, I'm watching for the whole family everytime I'm out in my flowers beds and walking across my grass. (Redoing hardwood floors--that can get expensive, too.) :lol: