Charlie Sheen jokes

[Golf and Horses]

Share em if you got em!

Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan are doing a new sitcom it's called
"Two and a Half Grams!"

[Burls]

Martin Sheen just got back from CBS where he was pitching his new idea for a sitcom '%@# My Son Says'. ...

[JustRalph]

Burls....... that was good........ laughed pretty hard at that one.

[Burls]

Burls....... that was good........ laughed pretty hard at that one.
Okay, Ralph, I gotta admit that I stole it off the internet. lol

[llegend39]

Q: Why does Charlie Sheen's character only live with males on Two and a Half Men?
A: Because in his role, if he lived with a woman, then he would relapse into real life and begin to beat up the actress.

Q: How much coke did Charlie Sheen take in January?
A: Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

Q: Why is Charlie Sheen still smiling?
A: Because he's rich and his wife wants to stay with him.

Q: Why is Charlie Sheen a spokesman for Hanes underwear?
A: Because the time he spends with a woman is brief before he starts beating her up!

Q: Which company asked Charlie Sheen for an endorsement after he was dumped by Hanes following his domestic violence arrest?
A: Fruit-of-the-Loon!

Q: Why did Charlie Sheen threaten his wife with a knife?
A: Because he left his gun in Los Angeles!

Q: Who will suffer the most financially from Charlie Sheen's legal problems?
A: Call Girls!

[Fred]

Cocaine checked into to rehab to get rid of its Charlie Sheen habit

[BlueShoe]

Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan are doing a new sitcom it's called
"Two and a Half Grams!"
And Paris Hilton also will be featured in a recurring supporting role.

[lsbets]

Chuck Norris doesn't have a birthday this year because Charlie Sheen used the awesome power of tigers blood to steal that sh*t right out from under him! WINNING!

[Steve 'StatMan']

What's the differenece between Japanese Engineers and Charlie Sheen?

The Japanese Engineers are trying to avoid a total meltdown!

[DJofSD]

Charlie reminds me of that line in Pulp Fiction: just because you are a character doesn't mean you have character.

[Tom]

Q: What is Higher?
A1: Food prices
A2: Gas Prices
A3: Unemployment
A4: Charlie Sheen

Q: What did Charlie Sheen say to the porn star with 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing he already told her twice!

Q: Why did CBS pull the plug on Sheen's hit sitcom "Two and a Half Men"? A: Because on Groundhog Day, Charlie saw his dealer which meant 6 more weeks of hookers and pornstars!

[Mike at A+]

OK this isn't about Charlie Sheen but I wanted to post this joke I got a few minutes ago from my cousin in Florida who owns a few thoroughbreds ...

HIGH URINALS




A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.


When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.


Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.


As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, 'You must be in the 5th grade.'

'No, ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.'

[Tom]

Charlie Sheen is playing golf with Tiger in a pro-am tourney.
He hits one into the rough, and as he gets to the ball, he sees it is in the middle of a patch of buttercups.

As he starts his swing, Mother Nature suddenly appears!
"Please," she says to Charlie. "Don't ruin my beautiful little buttercups."

"Look, lady," he replies. "I gotta make this shot- Tiger needs to get a win under his belt."

"Oh, please, please, move your ball. If you do, I will give you all the butter you ever want for the rest of your life."

Charlie goes into a rage, breaking his club and throwing the pieces out onto the green, while cursing and swearing, and turning red in the face.

"What is wrong?" asks Mother Nature.

Charlie, barely able to speak says, "Where the Hell were you on 5 when I had a lay in the pussy willows?"

[DJofSD]

Hey, Tom. Change it a little bit and use:

Naked Lady

A member of the amaryllis family, naked lady (Amaryllis belladonna) gets its name from the flower stalks that bloom on the plant's bare stems. The native South African bulb grows in California gardens. During the summer, the plant's strap-shaped leaves fade away, leaving fragrant clusters of pink blossom in late summer or early fall.

[cj's dad]

Maybe it's because I'm a track guy, but that is one of the funniest jokes ever

Thanks !!

[Tom]

Charlie Sheen is appearing in Vega this week end.
22 drink minimum.