Dave Schwartz
01-23-2009, 05:51 PM
It seems that Dick Schmidt is an endless supply of humor these days. :ThmbUp:
TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG
Dear God: Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell
one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it
still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for
a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice
ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler
Beagle'?
Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears
him, is he still a bad Dog?
Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic
energy fields,
and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must
remember to be a good Dog:
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw
it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I
like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of
saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee
table ..
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house -
not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my
butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes
that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG
Dear God: Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell
one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it
still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for
a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice
ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler
Beagle'?
Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears
him, is he still a bad Dog?
Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic
energy fields,
and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must
remember to be a good Dog:
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw
it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I
like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of
saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee
table ..
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house -
not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my
butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes
that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?