Atheist in the woods / Funny

[RichieP]

An Atheist in the Woods.....


> An atheist was walking through the woods.
> 'What majestic trees'!
> 'What powerful rivers'!
> 'What beautiful animals'!
> He said to himself.
> As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes
> behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards
> him.
>
>
> He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw
> that the bear was closing in on him.

> He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped &
> fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear
> was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his
> right paw to strike him.
>
> At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'
>
> Time Stopped.
>
> The bear froze.
>
> The forest was silent.
>
> As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny
> my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit
> creation to cosmic accident.' 'Do you expect me to help you out of this
> predicament? Am I to count you as a believer'?
>
> The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me
> to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could
> make the BEAR a Christian'?
>
> 'Very Well,' said the voice.
>
> The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped
> his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:
>
> 'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through
> Christ our Lord, Amen.'

[jballscalls]

that was pretty funny!!

[hcap]

A Hindu story.

A holy man said to a educated believer. "God is in everything"

"But Holy seer how can that be? The stones, the river, are just lifeless objects. God is everywhere? Animals, flowers? I don't believe it."

Later that man was walking along a busy path. His attention was not on the road. He was thinking intensely about what the holy man had said. Trying to fathom the universality of God. Up ahead a working elephant was clearing brush from the road. Swinging his large trunk back and forth. As the elephant got closer and closer the man had a realization. As the seer said "God is in everything". So even the elephant was God, and he had no reason to fear being trampled or knocked down . Surely God would not harm him. God was in him as well. Would God trample God?

As the elephant approached closer, a member of the lowly undesirable caste on the side of the road covered in mud noticed the man in the elephants' path and shouted out to him to move aside. The educated man was lost in meditation and concluded he was in no danger and waived to the undesirable smiling and chuckling.

The elephant picked the man up in his trunk and threw him off the road. And continued down the road. Our educated man could not understand how his deep spiritual insight could it be so wrong. God injured God? In pain and very dirty, he ran back to the Holy teacher and complained loudly.....

"How could this be? Was not God in the elephant as you told me?"

The seer said "Did not any one warn you as the elephant approached and you the meditated on this great truth?"

"Yes there was a lowly undesirable working on the side of the road. He did"

"My friend", said the holy man " God was in that man as well!"



A Zen Tale
The Strawberry

There was once a man who was being chased by a ferocious tiger across a field. At the edge of the field there was a cliff. In order to escape the jaws of the tiger, the man caught hold of a vine and swung himself over the edge of the cliff. Dangling down, he saw, to his dismay, there were more tigers on the ground below him! And, furthermore, two little mice were gnawing on the vine to which he clung. He knew that at any moment he would fall to certain death. That's when he noticed a wild strawberry growing on the cliff wall. Clutching the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other and put it in his mouth.

He never before realized how sweet a strawberry could taste.