Jay Leno Humor

[Dave Schwartz]

Jay Leno: Here's my question: If the U.S. is the bully, how come everyone else gets to tease us, call us names, threaten to kill us and then we have to give them our lunch money?

[Lefty]

Dave, I missed that one. Jay's a funny guy, for the most part. His humor usually contains THE essential element of humor: a kernel of Truth. In this case it was more than a kernel.

[freeneasy]

on the Letterman show said " at one point the Iraqis were surrendering in such droves I thought we were in France"

[Dave Schwartz]

F'nE,

That was great!

I'm still laughing.

Dave

[Tom]

....they have that certain "je n'cest quit" about them.

[freeneasy]

:p their a bunch of Bonzos too:p

[Dave Schwartz]

Tom,

That was a good one, too.

Dave

[Tom]

Jay said the other day he was driving to work and the radio was saying how bad thngs were going for us and it looked like bit off more than we can chew that our troops were stalled and we might lose this war. Then, drivinig home, he heard that we were taking Baghdad, everything was going to plan and that it shoudl be over soon with us as the victors. He couldn't understand how things could turn around so quickly until he realized that driving in he was listening to National Public Radio and driving home he was tuned to Fox News.

[Suff]

A lil humor with war..............



The easy way is always mined.

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.

When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.

War does not determine who is right. War determines who is left.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

"A slipping sear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."

Gulf War Lite: High in accomplishments, with 2/3 fewer casualties than your regular war!

Having failed to conquer myself, the best hope now is to arrange an alliance with myself.

In the event of war, I'm a hostage.

It is not known with what weapon World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.

When in doubt, empty your magazine.

Never forget your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.

If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.


All 5 second grenade fuses burn down in 3 seconds

Try to look unimportant, the bad guys may be low on ammo.

The enemy diversion you were ignoring was the main attack.

When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

Things that must be together to work cannot usually be shipped together.

Everything you do can get you shot, including nothing.

Tracers work both ways.

Make it tougher for the enemy to get in, and you can't get out.

Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.

Fighting for peace is like having sex for virginity.

Friendly fire isn't.

If it's stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.


If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.

The enemy attacks on two occasions: When he's ready, and when you're not.

If at first you don't succeed, call an air strike.

Shoot first, shoot later, shoot again, then when everyone's dead, try to ask a question or two.