highnote
10-11-2008, 12:18 AM
And you think the US of A has problems... get a load of this...
From the MANITOBA HERALD
A flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has
intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to
stop the illegal immigration. The possibility of a McCain/Palin election
is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon
be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly. Canadian border
farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors,
animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.
I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose
acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and
hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range
chicken.
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them
across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these
people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border
patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water.
"They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservat ives. Rumors have
been circulating about the McCain administration establishing
re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to shoot wolves from
airplanes, deny evolution, and act out drills preparing them for the
Rapture.
In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of
crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus
trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a
half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration
authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen
passengers. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence
Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
Sarandon movies.
"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't
support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history and English
majors does one country need?
From the MANITOBA HERALD
A flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has
intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to
stop the illegal immigration. The possibility of a McCain/Palin election
is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon
be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly. Canadian border
farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors,
animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.
I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose
acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and
hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range
chicken.
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them
across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these
people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border
patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water.
"They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservat ives. Rumors have
been circulating about the McCain administration establishing
re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to shoot wolves from
airplanes, deny evolution, and act out drills preparing them for the
Rapture.
In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of
crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus
trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a
half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration
authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen
passengers. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence
Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
Sarandon movies.
"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't
support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history and English
majors does one country need?