Amazin
03-12-2003, 11:55 AM
A letter to the London observer from Terry Jones (yes,
> > > of Monty Python). Letter to the Observer, Sunday
> > > January 26, 2003
> > >
> > > The Observer
> > >
> > > I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for
> > > bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am
> > > I! For some time now I've been really pissed off with
> > > Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the
> > > street.
> > >
> > > Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop.
> > > They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson
> > > is planning something nasty for me, but so far I
> > > haven't been able to discover what.
> > >
> > > I've been round to his place a few times to see what
> > > he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden.
> > > That's how devious he is.
> > >
> > > As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know
> > > - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a
> > > Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling
> > > them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one
> > > by one. Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof,
> > > why don't I go to the police?
> > >
> > > But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that
> > > they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours.
> > > They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights
> > > and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will
> > > be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel
> > > will be secretly murdering people.
> > >
> > > Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent
> > > range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to
> > > keep the peace.
> > >
> > > But until recently that's been a little difficult.
> > > Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that
> > > all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I
> > > can wade in and do whatever I want!
> > >
> > > And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out
> > > policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace
> >
> > > and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist
> > > suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim
> > > countries that have never threatened us.
> > >
> > > That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and
> > > kill his wife and children. Strike first! That'll
> > > teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and
> > > stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way.
> > >
> > > Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know
> > > before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty
> > > man and that he has weapons of mass destruction -
> > > even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as
> > > much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr
> > > Bush has for bombing Iraq.
> > >
> > > Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer
> > > place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'.
> > > It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you
> > > ever know when you've achieved it?
> > >
> > > How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all
> > > terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But
> > > then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's
> > > committed an act of terror.
> > >
> > > What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you
> > > really want to eliminate, since most of the known
> > > terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already
> > > eliminated themselves.
> > >
> > > Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could
> > > possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure
> > > he's achieved his objective until every Muslim
> > > fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims
> > > might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really
> > > safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?
> > >
> > > It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel
> > > are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of
> > > other people in the street who I don't like and who -
> > > quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will
> > > really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife
> > > says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm
> > > simply using the same logic as the President of the
> > > United States. That shuts her up.
> > >
> > > Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's
> > > a good enough reason for the President, it's good
> > > enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two
> > > weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand
> > > over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and
> > > interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over
> > > nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to
> > > kingdom come. It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing
> > > - and, in contrast to what he's intending, my policy
> > > will destroy only one street.
>
>
> > > of Monty Python). Letter to the Observer, Sunday
> > > January 26, 2003
> > >
> > > The Observer
> > >
> > > I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for
> > > bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am
> > > I! For some time now I've been really pissed off with
> > > Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the
> > > street.
> > >
> > > Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop.
> > > They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson
> > > is planning something nasty for me, but so far I
> > > haven't been able to discover what.
> > >
> > > I've been round to his place a few times to see what
> > > he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden.
> > > That's how devious he is.
> > >
> > > As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know
> > > - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a
> > > Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling
> > > them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one
> > > by one. Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof,
> > > why don't I go to the police?
> > >
> > > But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that
> > > they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours.
> > > They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights
> > > and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will
> > > be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel
> > > will be secretly murdering people.
> > >
> > > Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent
> > > range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to
> > > keep the peace.
> > >
> > > But until recently that's been a little difficult.
> > > Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that
> > > all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I
> > > can wade in and do whatever I want!
> > >
> > > And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out
> > > policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace
> >
> > > and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist
> > > suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim
> > > countries that have never threatened us.
> > >
> > > That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and
> > > kill his wife and children. Strike first! That'll
> > > teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and
> > > stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way.
> > >
> > > Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know
> > > before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty
> > > man and that he has weapons of mass destruction -
> > > even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as
> > > much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr
> > > Bush has for bombing Iraq.
> > >
> > > Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer
> > > place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'.
> > > It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you
> > > ever know when you've achieved it?
> > >
> > > How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all
> > > terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But
> > > then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's
> > > committed an act of terror.
> > >
> > > What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you
> > > really want to eliminate, since most of the known
> > > terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already
> > > eliminated themselves.
> > >
> > > Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could
> > > possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure
> > > he's achieved his objective until every Muslim
> > > fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims
> > > might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really
> > > safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?
> > >
> > > It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel
> > > are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of
> > > other people in the street who I don't like and who -
> > > quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will
> > > really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife
> > > says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm
> > > simply using the same logic as the President of the
> > > United States. That shuts her up.
> > >
> > > Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's
> > > a good enough reason for the President, it's good
> > > enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two
> > > weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand
> > > over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and
> > > interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over
> > > nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to
> > > kingdom come. It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing
> > > - and, in contrast to what he's intending, my policy
> > > will destroy only one street.
>
>