Teach
07-27-2008, 04:32 PM
I ain't no Bible thumper. My idea of the "Good Book" is The Daily Racing Form. But I do believe in bringin' cultural enrichment wherever, whenever and to whomever I can. So let's discuss the Biblical story of Jonah and The Whale.
Brethren, as I read it here in the King James version, there's this dude from Galilee named Jonah. The Lord had asked him to "take a powder" to Nineveh, the capital of Assyria (their motto: "We Bad"). Jonah's mission is to get the Ninevites to repent. To do a Mea Maxima Culpa. But Jonah heads for far-out places. He pulls a "swayze". He's history. Hasta La Vista, Baby! Instead, he heads for Espana. The boat Jonah's sailing in is beset by this huge storm. Everybody on board is actin' like they just glimed Casper the Ghost. Jonah, meanwhile, is taking a siesta beneath the deck. The captain of the ship pulls Jonah out of bed. He says we gonna cast lots (this is a prelude to the modern-day PowerBall). Well, Jonah wins, but loses. Yeah, everyone blames him for their current predicament. He's the evil-doer. Jonah tells the crew to toss him overboard so they can save themselves. This they do.
Well, Jonah is gobbled up by this whale. Looks like curtains. A coda tune. Yet he's spared. He lives in the body of the whale for three days and three nights. All this time he's praying. The Lord senses Jonah's sincerity and commands the whale to spit Jonah onto the shore. This the whale does. The Lord then tells Jonah to go to Ninevah (what he shoulda done in the first place). He preaches repentance. Amazingly the Ninevites find religion. Their motto now, unlike Eddie Murphy, is not "We Bad," but "We Good!" They fast, they put on sackcloth and beg for forgiveness.
Well, in the real world, especially in gambling, a "Jonah" is a person who brings bad luck. They're what I call "karma killers". In casinos, we'd call them "Coolers". I've run into a few here in MA. Our principal nemesis is a middle-aged woman (Hey, I ain't no chauvinist...just tryin' to tell an honest story) we call "Sally the Jonah." Just the sight of "Sally" has caused grown men to cry. Her piercing voice --- it sounds like someone's running their nails up and down a blackboard --- can be heard throughout the track. She puts a damper on anything she touches.
Just a couple months ago I got this longshot going at Belmont. It's the number 8 horse. He's goin off at 12-to-1. Well, the #8 is leading at the top of the stretch. I beginning to count my money. Just then, I hear "Sally the Jonah" yell out, "Come on Eight!" I'm dead. Belly up. "Gag me with a spoon!" The race ain't even over and I starts throwin my tickets on the floor. "Fuhgettaboutit!" I was right. My #8 horse stops like he had been suddenly hit by a tranquilizer dart. I shoulda known I was finished as soon as "Sally the Jonah" opened her mouth.
Yet, several years ago, I runs into this "whale" on a visit to Las Vegas. A "whale" is a gambler who usually has an account with a casino (casinos) amounting to hundreds of thousands, possibly millions of dollars. They could lose hundreds of thousands of dollars in a night and not be fazed by it. These "whales" are usually catered to by the casinos for their action. In fact, there's often a fierce competition among casinos to get "whales" to gamble in their hotel. "Whales" have been known to be flown in by casinos in their private jets; their wives or girlfriends may be given gifts of expensive, diamond-studded earrings. They're usually given the penthouse suite in the hotel
Well, on one of my visits to Vegas, I shot craps at the Bellagio. At that time I encountered what I believed to be "a whale." This, however, was not, figuratively speaking, the massive Blue Whale, but more like the smaller "Killer Whale" (Orca).
This particular "whale" was betting blacks ($100); pinks ($250) and purples ($500). He must have had on the rail alone more than $20,000 worth in chips. The whole thing looked like a piece of Monet impressionistic artwork. He was betting $500 chips like I'd bet a $5 redbird. When he won, he'd rake in as much as five thousand dollars. When he lost, he'd lose the same amount, if not more. I kept thinking, what this man loses on the single roll of the dice is equivalent of what it would take me more than a month to make as a teacher.
Well, I didn't stick around long enough to see whether the "whale" won or lost during his session. I just came away shaking my head at the tremendous amount of money this man -- this "whale" -- was gambling on each roll of the dice.
As I think back, the moral of all this is just maybe if I had studied "The Good Book" more carefully than the Daily Racing Form, I too could have been... On second thought...
Brethren, as I read it here in the King James version, there's this dude from Galilee named Jonah. The Lord had asked him to "take a powder" to Nineveh, the capital of Assyria (their motto: "We Bad"). Jonah's mission is to get the Ninevites to repent. To do a Mea Maxima Culpa. But Jonah heads for far-out places. He pulls a "swayze". He's history. Hasta La Vista, Baby! Instead, he heads for Espana. The boat Jonah's sailing in is beset by this huge storm. Everybody on board is actin' like they just glimed Casper the Ghost. Jonah, meanwhile, is taking a siesta beneath the deck. The captain of the ship pulls Jonah out of bed. He says we gonna cast lots (this is a prelude to the modern-day PowerBall). Well, Jonah wins, but loses. Yeah, everyone blames him for their current predicament. He's the evil-doer. Jonah tells the crew to toss him overboard so they can save themselves. This they do.
Well, Jonah is gobbled up by this whale. Looks like curtains. A coda tune. Yet he's spared. He lives in the body of the whale for three days and three nights. All this time he's praying. The Lord senses Jonah's sincerity and commands the whale to spit Jonah onto the shore. This the whale does. The Lord then tells Jonah to go to Ninevah (what he shoulda done in the first place). He preaches repentance. Amazingly the Ninevites find religion. Their motto now, unlike Eddie Murphy, is not "We Bad," but "We Good!" They fast, they put on sackcloth and beg for forgiveness.
Well, in the real world, especially in gambling, a "Jonah" is a person who brings bad luck. They're what I call "karma killers". In casinos, we'd call them "Coolers". I've run into a few here in MA. Our principal nemesis is a middle-aged woman (Hey, I ain't no chauvinist...just tryin' to tell an honest story) we call "Sally the Jonah." Just the sight of "Sally" has caused grown men to cry. Her piercing voice --- it sounds like someone's running their nails up and down a blackboard --- can be heard throughout the track. She puts a damper on anything she touches.
Just a couple months ago I got this longshot going at Belmont. It's the number 8 horse. He's goin off at 12-to-1. Well, the #8 is leading at the top of the stretch. I beginning to count my money. Just then, I hear "Sally the Jonah" yell out, "Come on Eight!" I'm dead. Belly up. "Gag me with a spoon!" The race ain't even over and I starts throwin my tickets on the floor. "Fuhgettaboutit!" I was right. My #8 horse stops like he had been suddenly hit by a tranquilizer dart. I shoulda known I was finished as soon as "Sally the Jonah" opened her mouth.
Yet, several years ago, I runs into this "whale" on a visit to Las Vegas. A "whale" is a gambler who usually has an account with a casino (casinos) amounting to hundreds of thousands, possibly millions of dollars. They could lose hundreds of thousands of dollars in a night and not be fazed by it. These "whales" are usually catered to by the casinos for their action. In fact, there's often a fierce competition among casinos to get "whales" to gamble in their hotel. "Whales" have been known to be flown in by casinos in their private jets; their wives or girlfriends may be given gifts of expensive, diamond-studded earrings. They're usually given the penthouse suite in the hotel
Well, on one of my visits to Vegas, I shot craps at the Bellagio. At that time I encountered what I believed to be "a whale." This, however, was not, figuratively speaking, the massive Blue Whale, but more like the smaller "Killer Whale" (Orca).
This particular "whale" was betting blacks ($100); pinks ($250) and purples ($500). He must have had on the rail alone more than $20,000 worth in chips. The whole thing looked like a piece of Monet impressionistic artwork. He was betting $500 chips like I'd bet a $5 redbird. When he won, he'd rake in as much as five thousand dollars. When he lost, he'd lose the same amount, if not more. I kept thinking, what this man loses on the single roll of the dice is equivalent of what it would take me more than a month to make as a teacher.
Well, I didn't stick around long enough to see whether the "whale" won or lost during his session. I just came away shaking my head at the tremendous amount of money this man -- this "whale" -- was gambling on each roll of the dice.
As I think back, the moral of all this is just maybe if I had studied "The Good Book" more carefully than the Daily Racing Form, I too could have been... On second thought...