Worst Acts in the History of Show Bidness

[bigmack]

Now accepting nominations.

1. Señor Wences

AJiYZ6QIAtY

[toetoe]

The Foremost Authority. Dr. I. C.

The GREAT Doug McClure.

Frank Converse.

Everybody's All-American, Mr. James "Dan-o" MacArthur.

[bigmack]

The GREAT Doug McClure.
Everybody's All-American, Mr. James "Dan-o" MacArthur.

Nomination of Doug McClure accepted.

D_DpjBWDiaA

James MacArthur was rejected as I played golf with him and found him amiable.

[Tom]

OK, Mac...Senor Wences was one of my favorites!!!!

BUT, from the same show....my nominee
5AFasYNOifk

[toetoe]

William (mack knows him as "Billy") Peterson in "I Bombed in the Smog." No, wait ... that wasn't it. Let's see ... oh yeah; "To Live and Die In L.A." Almost as bad in that gobbler were Willem Dafoe and director William "Superfreak" Friedkin.

[toetoe]

The working title for my Doug McClure biopic is "The 'Actor' That Variety Ignored."

Whom to tap for this dicey lead role ?

Woody Harrelson might actually be too good, yet not good enough to stretch far enough to be awful enough.

Matt LeBlanc would be perfect, but he's accustomed to having his scenes stolen by chimps, orangs, etc.

Matthew Perry, if he's able to make it from rehab back to outpatient hab, might just be our guy.

Ellen DeGeneres. Hmmmmmmmm .... Funny man is accomplished as a thespian, also.

[skate]

The Total Worst Act in Show Biz is totally mr. "non pro-ductive" frank sinatra:eek:


thank you versy muchcho.

[boomman]

Had the misfortune of getting comp tickets to The "Eartha Kitt" show once in Atlantic City, and I quickly found out that they should have paid me to take them!:D This was right after she had somehow replaced Julie Newmar as Cat Woman on the Batman series, and IMHO she is living proof that ANYBODY can make it in show "bidness"!!!!!!!

LOL:lol:

Boomer

[JustRalph]

James MacArthur was rejected as I played golf with him and found him amiable.


you played golf with Danno? Cool............

I love that McClure scene............if you watch it close on TV you can see the cables holding the flying dino up........

[JustRalph]

Had the misfortune of getting comp tickets to The "Eartha Kitt" show once in Atlantic City, and I quickly found out that they should have paid me to take them!:D This was right after she had somehow replaced Julie Newmar as Cat Woman on the Batman series, and IMHO she is living proof that ANYBODY can make it in show "bidness"!!!!!!!

LOL:lol:

Boomer

I saw her in an airport once.........wicked looking woman.......no makeup and wearing a fur coat while her "driver" carried her bags for her..........

[bigmack]

you played golf with Danno? Cool............
He was reluctant to talk about it but mentioned that Jack Lord was diagnosed with Alzheimers many years before he passed in '98 and that few knew about it. Jack & his family wanted it to be on the qt.

OK, Mac...Senor Wences was one of my favorites!!!!
Whopsie. Perhaps I was a tad heavy on Mr. Wences but through association with Topo Gigio he's in. Topo was tough to sit through.

[falconridge]

About a year ago, whilst in the company of my by-marriage relatives, I squirmed through as much as I could endure of something called "the MTV Movie Awards," hosted by an alleged comedienne so unfunny as to make Shirley Booth and Ann B. Davis seem like paragons of hilarity. H*ll, Janet Reno is funnier. So is prickly heat and dysentery. If you can laugh at Sarah Silverman's pud-'n'-poopoo jokes, you could work up some real guffaws watching the craze extend down the stucco on the sun side of your garage (always cracks me up ;) :D ).

Funnier than Sarah Silverman:

http://www.librarising.com/astrology/sunsigns/Simages/S/shirleybooth.jpg http://www.out-of-my-mind.com/deadpool/ann_b_davis.jpeg http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-2/955690/janet-reno.jpeg http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/bd/Minerwa_from_Bath.jpg/225px-Minerwa_from_Bath.jpg http://mtv-content.vcommerce.com/products/607/4089607/main-205.jpg http://i.pbase.com/t1/78/280478/4/56022370.20060212P2120662brokenthumb.jpg http://static.squidoo.com/resize/squidoo_images/-1/lens1262596_bobby-bittman.jpg

[wonatthewire1]

Howard Stern

his "act" hasn't changed in 20+ years on the radio - and his poop, fart and breast jokes are dead

[bigmack]

http://i.pbase.com/t1/78/280478/4/56022370.20060212P2120662brokenthumb.jpg http://static.squidoo.com/resize/squidoo_images/-1/lens1262596_bobby-bittman.jpg
Good laughs: Bobby retires from showbiz to a farm in upstate NY and goes a bit stir crazy.

I had the misfortune of hearing this cretin, Silverman, on Fresh Air w/ Terry Gross and she actually had the temerity to explain how she constructs material and where her "ideas" come from. Imagine listening to someone deconstructing vile, odious, unfunny material, all with an air of undue pretentiousness. I'll freely admit to a good case of schadenfreude should any ill befall her.

[wonatthewire1]

Good laughs: Bobby retires from showbiz to a farm in upstate NY and goes a bit stir crazy.

I had the misfortune of hearing this cretin, Silverman, on Fresh Air w/ Terry Gross and she actually had the temerity to explain how she constructs material and where her "ideas" come from. Imagine listening to someone deconstructing vile, odious, unfunny material, all with an air of undue pretentiousness. I'll freely admit to a good case of schadenfreude should any ill befall her.


wasn't she married to jimmy kimmel?

i guess she already paid the price then - the two of them should be shipped out to Andorra ASAP

[JustRalph]

wasn't she married to jimmy kimmel?

i guess she already paid the price then - the two of them should be shipped out to Andorra ASAP


He dumped her lame ass. Immediately after ABC gave him a vote of confidence a few weeks ago. They basically said that he is going to be on after Leno when Leno moves to ABC. So Jimmy will be still be making the big bucks for the short term future.

Imagine, Leno Leads into Kimmel. Leno will be up against Conan and Kimmel up against Jimmy Fallon.

Letterman is going to fall so far to the bottom that he won't be able to see Leno's ass with a telescope, maybe his chin though.

Silverman is an idiot.

[toetoe]

Hey Wirejob,

Easy on the Bascos, 'kay ? What did they ever do to you ? :D

SS is lesbonic ? Hmm ... okay, I didn't think so. I swear somebody said he had heard her on Fresh Hair, with Terry Grotesque. When was a straight broadenfreude ever on THAT show ? My mistake. :blush:

Oh, just one more thing, ma'am. This Columbo act. Just awful ... ;)

[DJofSD]

Señor Wences was one of my favorites too and I think he's ten times funnier than anything Al Franken has done. Even the stuff that was meant to be funny.

[Tom]

Al Franken is a comedian? :confused:

[rastajenk]

Well he ain't no Air America Talk Show Host Extraordinaire. :rolleyes:

[ALostTexan]

Now accepting nominations.

1. Señor Wences



I thought Cartman did a better job...

[toetoe]

How could I forget the GREAT ... Bobby Conrad. :ThmbUp: :ThmbUp: , baby.

[dutchboy]

Al Franken had a campaign scheduled roundtable on veterans issue this past friday in St Cloud, MN at a cafe.

One person showed up. May not be a good sign for the Democrats.
Al Franken is a comedian? :confused:

[toetoe]

... Pat Cooper on Cher (oops, sorry for that visual):

"The lady would resent talent."



Hmm ... Pat Cooper, C.I.A. man ? Your thoughts, Cholly ?

[toetoe]

Hey, remember the guy on Bonanza that started as a villain, then became a regular ? Now, w-h-a-t was his name ? :confused: Anyway, he made a rather risque film with Loretta Lynn --- the GREAT Loretta Lynn --- called, I believe,
Canary in a Coal Miner's Daughter ;) .

[falconridge]

... Matt LeBlanc!"

http://www.austinchronicle.com/binary/5dc73a59/screens_feature-30883.jpeg http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/6/6f/Bedtime_for_Bonzo.jpg/240px-Bedtime_for_Bonzo.jpg
Coincidence? I think NOT!

[toetoe]

Say, who's the vaguely humanoid character in the right half of Matty's photo ?

[JustRalph]

Say, who's the vaguely humanoid character in the right half of Matty's photo ?


Reminds me of the Family guy espisode where "death" shows up in a scene and apologizes for being late. "I had a meeting at NBC about Joey"

[falconridge]

What the critics had to say about Ed, the 1996 laff-fest starring Matt LeBlanc and an animatronic, baseball-playing chimpanzee:

"The movie does not augur a major film career for LeBlanc, a star of the NBC hit series 'Friends.' The handsome actor is so blank that the only impression he makes is of having teeth that are very large and unnaturally white."
--Stephen Holden, The New York Times

" ... resolutely idiotic."
--Peter Stack, San Francisco Chronicle

"In between counting the farting jokes and trying to figure out whether Matt had fallen asleep in a tanning booth or overdosed on Melatonin, I tried to imagine what rock Universal overturned to discover this bad excuse for a TV movie."
--Mr. Cranky (http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/ed.html)

"The movie does not augur a major film career for LeBlanc, a star of the NBC hit series 'Friends.' The handsome actor is so blank that the only impression he makes is of having teeth that are very large and unnaturally white. In between counting the farting jokes and trying to figure out whether Matt had fallen asleep in a tanning booth or overdosed on Melatonin, I tried to imagine what rock Universal overturned to discover this bad excuse for a TV movie. It is resolutely idiotic."
--Sen. Joseph Robinette "Joe" Biden, Jr. (Delaware-D)

[Steve 'StatMan']

Al Franken had a campaign scheduled roundtable on veterans issue this past friday in St Cloud, MN at a cafe.

One person showed up. May not be a good sign for the Democrats.

LOL! He should have held it in the Drive-Thru. At least the order taker and the person filling the bag would have to have paid attention!

But That's...OK.

[Steve 'StatMan']

What the critics had to say about Ed, the 1996 laff-fest starring Matt LeBlanc and an animatronic, baseball-playing chimpanzee:

"The movie does not augur a major film career for LeBlanc, a star of the NBC hit series 'Friends.' The handsome actor is so blank that the only impression he makes is of having teeth that are very large and unnaturally white."
--Stephen Holden, The New York Times

" ... resolutely idiotic."
--Peter Stack, San Francisco Chronicle

"In between counting the farting jokes and trying to figure out whether Matt had fallen asleep in a tanning booth or overdosed on Melatonin, I tried to imagine what rock Universal overturned to discover this bad excuse for a TV movie."
--Mr. Cranky (http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/ed.html)

"The movie does not augur a major film career for LeBlanc, a star of the NBC hit series 'Friends.' The handsome actor is so blank that the only impression he makes is of having teeth that are very large and unnaturally white. In between counting the farting jokes and trying to figure out whether Matt had fallen asleep in a tanning booth or overdosed on Melatonin, I tried to imagine what rock Universal overturned to discover this bad excuse for a TV movie. It is resolutely idiotic."
--Sen. Joseph Robinette "Joe" Biden, Jr. (Delaware-D)

LOL!!!

[toetoe]

Oh, Joe ... JOE ... if only you plagiar cards right. Heck, you'd even have a shot at the lead in Horatio Algore's enviro-porn classic, Earth A-Biden.
... :(

[falconridge]

http://retrocrush.buzznet.com/archive2004/albums/ansonwilliams_small.jpg (http://retrocrush.buzznet.com/archive2004/albums/ansonwilliams.jpg)
http://retrocrush.buzznet.com/archive2004/albums/donnymost2_small.jpg (http://retrocrush.buzznet.com/archive2004/albums/donnymost2.jpg)http://retrocrush.buzznet.com/archive2004/albums/laverne_small.jpg (http://retrocrush.buzznet.com/archive2004/albums/laverne.jpg)

"Oh, puh-LEEZE do 'Schlemiel, Schlimazel, Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!'"

[toetoe]

Sorry, but none of that keeps my popsicle firm. Sorry, man; it just doesn't do it for me.

A few thoughts:

Matt the Blank.

Courtney of the Cocks.

Any film with Teddy and animals: Danson with the Stars.

Tony "I'm Not a Strippa, I'm a" Danza.

[bigmack]

(Cue Ed Shaughnessy for drum roll)

Ladies & Germs, quite possibly the new champion, in yet another category; Tonya
(No, not Patty Hearst)


http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u70/macktime/8_28_08_16_25_59.png

Let's roll the clip:

3kF5Mp2LdN8

[toetoe]

Word has it that Tonya Harding of the Arteries skates through this one. Fine uncredited work by Sal Chow. Joe Bob gives it two pucks out of ten. Bodycheck it out. :ThmbUp:

[DJofSD]

Has Glenn Campbell been mentioned yet?

[toetoe]

Glenn's way too talented as a world-class guitarist and decent singer :2b: included. Stewards have ruled ... nah !

[DJofSD]

Glenn's way too talented as a world-class guitarist and decent singer :2b: included. Stewards have ruled ... nah !well, all that may be so -- but I still don't care for him.

[chickenhead]

an astonishingly bad movie:

TipToes (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0316768/) (not to be confused with toetoe)

Now you would think Gary Oldman (as a dwarf), Matt McConaughey (his normal sized brother), and Kate Beckinsale (yum yum) in a sappy family drama turned bizarre love triangle would be riveting stuff. Amazingly not.

[bigmack]

an astonishingly bad movie:

TipToes (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0316768/) (not to be confused with toetoe)
Nomination resoundingly rejected on several fronts:

1) G.Oldham as a myopic, dwarf with a southern accent is priceless
2) Entire films categorically rejected
3) Party scene with "little people"
3) Most importantly, the film contains a scene with Kate Beckinsale on her knees...insisting.

ukRdEVthmWM

[toetoe]

Lariat Sam's trusty steed notwithstanding, it behooves me to declare that Toes found the tips quite fetching. They'd make a fine battery for, say, the Baltimore Aureoles. What say, Sherman ? Et tu, Cholly ?

[chickenhead]

I can see I'm gonna have to redeem myself, TipToes admittingly having a little something for everyone.

Might I nominate former early 90's rap pioneers Color Me Badd?

pu5Fgz1pSJE

[toetoe]

Say, who's the George Michael wannabe on the right, saying, "Hey mon, me color bad, ver' bad ?"

These guys should be the new 'A Team,' eh ?

[falconridge]

(Ladies & Germs, quite possibly the new champion, in yet another category; Tonya

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u70/macktime/8_28_08_16_25_59.png


:lol: :lol: :lol:

Nobody'll EVER beat THAT, mack, but here's another to add to our Rogues' Gallery of Dishonorable Mentions:

http://www.wma.com/0/cta/comedy/comedy_connection/imgs/margaret_cho_1.jpg
Margaret Cho
"Funnier 'n a pay toilet in the diarrhea ward!"

[toetoe]

All a-BOARD !

Cho-oh CHO ! (:Gagging. :eek: )

[toetoe]

You know what's extra special about the Tonya vehicle ? The sound effects.
Slap to the face ? K'shweck ! Bonecrushing kick to the knee ? K'shweck ! Knee to the groin ? K'shweck ! Elbow to the shirt- and jacket-covered chest ? K'shweck, bay-bee. :jump:

[falconridge]

Jeez! How'd this guy stay off our list 'til now?!:faint: :eek:

http://www.mollygood.com/pauly-shore-unfunny-unemployedracist-20080320/

"Party boy and occasional comedian Pauly Shore is taking a cue from bitter hatemongers and blaming his anemic career on his skin color (or lack thereof). 'I need to be black,' Shore recently told an interviewer, 'because if I was black, I’d be doing good.' Well, Pauly. You'd be doing well. And no, you wouldn't.

"Shore continued: 'White people are screwed. Especially in my industry, they’re screwed. White people are going to be picking cotton within, like, literally within three years.' Brilliant! How is this guy not getting hired?"

http://www.nndb.com/people/172/000026094/the-weasel.jpg
http://www.paceadvantage.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22416&highlight=Pauly+Shore (vide post #31)

[toetoe]

What a co inky dink, Falconridge. I spent 30 minutes finding this very thread.

Now, to the execrable Mr. Shesells Seashells Beida C. Schoh-wa. He coulda bin a k'ntenda. A credit two is race, f'cripes sake. Polly wanna not be a crackah ? Aw, chee, dat's too bad. :(

Another giant of our culcha is Mistah Christian Slater, who now has a vehicle coming out, My Own Private Enema, or Liverwurst Is My Enemy, or Public Enema No. :2: , or some damn thing. When he speaks, he emits more superfluous noise than Whistler's mother's baby boy. :faint:

[bigmack]

Furthering the probability of P Shore residing in a talentless trough, he has been awarded two Razzie Awards for Worst Actor back to back in 95-96. '99 brought him Worst New Star of the Decade though he lost to Dennis Rodman for Worst Actor of the Century.

Rancho Mirage circa '94ish, BiglyMack found himself at a celebrity golf tournament. Opening act at the reception Mr. Sammy Shore, founder of the Comedy Store and sire to the dreadful Pauly. Mr. Sammy starts riffing on the hotel he was put up in and how it had a preponderance of Asians working there. Sammy, who is even less funny than Pauly, went into a rage about Asians that could be compared to MRichards' harangue.

After a brisk brouhaha he was asked to leave the stage. As the room was comped and the owners of the hotel were present he was summarily booted out of the hotel, never to return. Norm Crosby then took the stage and dealt a succession of malapropisms that tore MammouthMack up.

Lest we not forget the previously inducted SSilverman who is currently on a "Get out the old Jew Vote". What's it called? The Great Schlep

f-H2Am01_Tk

[chickenhead]

<laying on couch emoticon>

..Something that feels so right really shouldn't be wrong, but sometimes I wonder...can anyone explain to me the bottomless well of animosity I feel towards Kevin Bacon?

[bigmack]

Another giant of our culcha is Mistah Christian Slater
One wonders what he could possibly say for an hour when he appears Sunday on Inside the Actors Studio with Jimmy Lipton. A mere impostor posing as an actor talking about "acting" and a room full of underlings wishing "Golly, if I could only be as good as him someday"

I ask Toes & I ask LeF'Ridge, how would he possibly answer the following?

What is your favorite word?
What is your least favorite word?
What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
What sound or noise do you love?
What sound or noise do you hate?
What is your favorite curse word?
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
What profession would you not like to do?
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

[toetoe]

Q.(with much trepidation): What's your (gulp !) motivation ?

More talent to be found in Charlie's tan sitar, mebbe ?

[toetoe]

Sloppy Sarah's strategy: I'm as funny as breast cancer; why not try becoming a political expert, oh so sincere AND making good sense ?

I'm fine with that swing-and-a-miss, but PLEASE do not schlep Der Oberfuhrer's shillelagh.

God, you two --- get a room ... with NO VIDEO !

[toetoe]

Two big toes down for Tip Toes. The reason for such short shrift ? Why, Matty M.'s "talent" dwarfs anything else in the flick. Need we say maw, Cholls ?

[toetoe]

L & G,

I give you the GREAT Gil Gerard, seen not only in Buck Rogers in the 25th Century (second of a two-parter tonight with RED HOT Barbara Luna ( :jump: ), but right now in the CLASSIC Greatest American Hero, tonight's episode being 'Wizards and Warlocks.'

GG's strenuous task this evening? To play a video game at an arcade, with all tilts, contortions and physiognomies appurtinent thereto. Uncredited, I believe. Oh, the inJUSTice ! (:Forearm over forehead, tears optional.)

[bigmack]

How does it get any worse than Gil's participation in Mom, Can I keep her?

With the weighty plot: Timmy is a twelve year old with more than his share of problems. His father is too busy at work to spend quality time with the family while his new stepmom is dumping tons of chores on him and school is harder than ever! Finally something good happens to Timmy. A furry friend follows him home from school, but there is one problem; his new buddy turns out to be 500 pound gorilla! Comedy aplenty as Timmy does whatever it takes to keep his new best friend

http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/movie/coverv/30/157030.jpg

It's a her? Is that gorillaphilia and what's with the banana?

[wonatthewire1]

<laying on couch emoticon>

..Something that feels so right really shouldn't be wrong, but sometimes I wonder...can anyone explain to me the bottomless well of animosity I feel towards Kevin Bacon?


Interesting that you should mention him - I was about 10 feet away (someone else said so) just over a week ago at BB King's in Times Square - Joe Bonamassa's gig. Seemed to be enjoying the show...

[toetoe]

Not only did we get the conclusions of two-parters on Buck Rogers and Airwolf, but The A-Team featured Boy George ( :jump: ) --- can it get any, um, better ? Beat me senseless with the Club of Culchah.

[DanG]

Interesting that you should mention him - I was about 10 feet away (someone else said so) just over a week ago at BB King's in Times Square - Joe Bonamassa's gig. Seemed to be enjoying the show...
Good Choice!!! :ThmbUp: :ThmbUp:

[toetoe]

Also in the 'Mom ...' cast: the GREAT Kevin Dobson. :jump: .

Gosh, I wonder whether his agent was found murdered soon afterward.

[toetoe]

Last night on Kojak, one of the villains was played by the otherwise GREAT William Katt. Here, he was just pussyfooting around, and I found it difficult to vilify him. His acting, however, was prosecutable. CROCKAH !!! Get this ham outta heah. Who loves ya ... an' like dat.

[toetoe]

I also saw the Sarah Silverfish show recently. Highly low, and exceptionally unexceptional. She must be somewhat funny SOME of the time, and she doesn't even have to TRY and she's funnier than 3/4 of today's famous "comics," right ? I just haven't seen any funny business.

[falconridge]

http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/ciu/cb/9e/059162e89da0bcaa3d6d2110._AA280_.L.jpg

This one’s title augurs promise galore. Bikini Traffic School chronicles the travails of three busty, uh, dancers—yeah, that’s it; they’re dancers—one (Marcie, played by Shayna Ryan) of whom is entrusted with saving her beloved Aunt Velma’s traffic school from a nefarious land developer keen on razing the hallowed-but-seen-better-days academy to make room for a, um, strip mall. The rapacious capitalist gives the sextet—I mean trio—’til Monday to raise $25K to keep the bulldozers and backhoes at bay.

At first, Marcie and bosom buds Tracy and Vicky labor under the misconception that what the BTS really needs to attract enough customers to generate the needed revenue is a good sprucing up. Accordingly, they set about hosing the dingy old institution down, but the nubile nymphs are nonplused to find the unruly garden implement delivering more liquid to the hose-handlers’ tank tops than to the begrimed floors and walls they were ostensibly aiming at. :confused: :jump: For reasons I prefer not to ponder, it takes Marcie and company the better part of 70 minutes to hatch a scheme that rescues Aunt Velma’s legacy. :faint: (spoiler alert: it has to do with bikinis :p )

Director Gary Graver’s previous screen credits include Smokey and the Hotwire Gang, Invisible Mom, and Bikini Hoe-Down. Lest you think of the last-named as a “companion piece” to BTS, consider the scenario of BH-D, which finds the “All-Seasons Bikini Team” of April, May, and June (yeah, I know; that’s but one season) leaving on a cross-country tour, only to end up in Pig Hollow, where a nefarious senator presents a bogus tax bill to Pappy, Jeb, and Missy Sue, and threatens to foreclose on Pappy’s farm (which Senator Snively and Sheriff Roscoe plan to sell to the Gummint as a dump-site for nuclear waste) unless Pappy pitchforks over the $25K by Monday … . See? Altogether different. :rolleyes:

[Burls]

http://www.boisdale.co.uk/members/images/David%20Soul.jpg
Then there's this guy.
Nuff said there.

[Burls]

And don't anyone dare mention this rarely gifted artiste. :lol: :lol: :lol:
http://earsucker.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/marilyn_manson1.jpg

[toetoe]

Going In With My Eyes Open: as sung by Rosie's gal pal, DEFINITELY a blues. (:Shuddering.)

[bigmack]

We have a winner:

8bS5i8PFMsE

[dav4463]

The Banana Man


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=et6Jt2YX44o


this is still so creepy to me! I don't know why!

[Steve 'StatMan']

We have a winner:

8bS5i8PFMsE

Wow BigMack, you put together a bunch of clips from nearly all the agreed Worst Acts in the thread! I wondered who was featured, and did some searching - that is Sammy Shore, right? I knew I'd seen him before. Guess that tough Ed Sullivan appearance really did hurt, if I didn't realize who he is - I'm only 49 now.

Pauly Shore - one of the few funny things (to me) that I ever heard him say was when was on one of the late night shows, and he said he just flew in to the airport, and there were people waiting there just to see him - yelling "Pauly Shore Sucks!!! Pauly Shore Sucks!!!"

By the way, why isn't Pauly cleaning the fish? :D

That Eartha Kitt clip - seems like she's trying to sing like Madelyn Kahn, except the late Madelyn knew she was singing like she did as a joke!

Sarah Silverman - from that clip, growing up, she really must have been one of The Aristocrats! (Yes, I've seen her clip from The Aristocrats!)

[Powder River Gin]

http://www.boisdale.co.uk/members/images/David%20Soul.jpg
Then there's this guy.
Nuff said there.

I'm new here but WTFO??!!!?!?!?! That is a no-go. :ThmbDown:


and my contributions:

[BombsAway Bob]

Glenn's way too talented as a world-class guitarist and decent singer :2b: included. Stewards have ruled ... nah !
A friend of mine had a "Greatest Hits" CD of STONE TEMPLE PILOTS, & it included a 2nd CD(DVD?) of various STP Videos & live clips both Network (MTV Unplugged) & Home-made (STP @ a High School Concert in MA. with Steven Tyler & Joe Perry jamming with them). Buried near the end of the DVD is a studio clip of STP with Glen. CHILLS WILL GO UP & DOWN your spine listening to Glen sing "Wichita Lineman" with them backing. The Smile on Glen's face when he nails the ending is A CLASSIC! :cool:
I'd get the clip & upload it, but my buddy died a year ago. RIP..

[Steve 'StatMan']

Banana Man - You're right Dav4463, that does seem like a wierd act. Almost like a Circus Clown morfed with Jerome 'Curley" Howard. Clowns are always kind of creepy. I don't remember seeing Banana Man on Captain Kangaroo, although 1969 I was a 10yo so would have been in school and on to other things.

YouTube does have this clip from 1939 from a Red Skelton short. The guy was a Vaudeville performer known as A. Robins (I was trying to figure out who it was - was it The Captain or Mr. Green Jeans doing a act? No, guy had been doing it at least 30 years, and likely a lot longer, since Skelton introduces his act in 1939 as one for the Old Timers. Or maybe they borrowed the act years later.

Wonder if Carrot Top got insiration from him?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpVkRu0QkE8&feature=related

[bigmack]

that is Sammy Shore, right?
It's Pat Cooper

http://static.rateyourmusic.com/album_images/180366.jpg

[PaceAdvantage]

I really couldn't understand why Pat Cooper was included among the worst acts in show bidness....perhaps BM can enlighten me...

[bigmack]

I really couldn't understand why Pat Cooper was included among the worst acts in show bidness....perhaps BM can enlighten me...
I had to listen to the nominations from the people.

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u70/macktime/11_14_08_15_27_42.png

Perhaps it was Pat's specific performance on Cher that toes was nominating. Personally, I think Pat has some sound material.

Thanks for calling Raisins. This is Porsche. Have you tried our Double Whammy Wings?

[toetoe]

vCash: 82 ??? Why eye yoddah ! :mad: .

I was just quoting Mistah C., and ganging on Cher ( :eek: ).

[toetoe]

I am so turned on, I wanna knock Sarah Silverstein down (NOT up) and maybe go functions 2 and 3 in her big yap, also. :eek:

[falconridge]

Proud to have nominated no fewer than :4: of the finalists, including the (ahem!) "winner." Do I know b-a-a-a-d, Cholly? :cool:

As for defending PC's inclusion, MackColossal has no need--notwithstanding our estimable host's inquisition. In the bit that found its way into the mackster's loop, Cooper himself amply demonstrates his, uh ... worthiness.

That Anson Williams teaser was sump'n, now wudd'n it!? :eek: :faint: Not just lamer than I'd remembered, not just inde-SCRIBE-ably bad, not just more ghastly than I'd imagined--but worse than I COULD have imagined. :bang: Anson's--and his fellow Crappy Days alumni's--"talent" reminds me of a remark made by the great radio comedian Fred Allen. He said he'd finally figured out why television is referred to as a "medium": "because it is neither rare nor well done." :D

Say, what's with Christian Slater decked out in duds that might be de rigueur in wintertime Wasilla (heavy biker jacket accessorized with a muffler woolier than a Bering Sea crabber's)? Don't they heat those BBC studios? :confused:

Speaking of duds, dig Gil Gerard's dialogue: "Mmm-hmm. ... That's nice." As Elvis Mitchell remarked of Keanu Reeves's performance in Devil's Advocate, "if he had two more legs, he'd make a good coffee table." Oh, the humanity! :eek:

Well spun, mack. T'anks. :ThmbUp:

[toetoe]

Speaking of Elvis (Third Leg) Mitchell, when did he go the Angela Davis bad wig route ? That isn't some official outcoming gesture, is it ? Might he be trying to pry (crowbar optional) George Takei away from his cling-on?

[Steve 'StatMan']

It's Pat Cooper

http://static.rateyourmusic.com/album_images/180366.jpg

Thanks BigMack! Wow, knew I'd seen him once or twice, didn't know his name. Found Sammy Shore later on a search, and still thought these two guys might be the same. Tried to age the video in my mind. Really, really old people seem to look a lot alike. But I didn't catch where Pat Cooper was listed.

Caught a Sammy Shore clip on youtube - he said to his audience, "I've seen older faces on money." :D

But seriously folks, why isn't Pauly cleaning the fish? :D (Yeah, I know, Sammy Shore and his comedy club.)

OK. Pat Cooper & Pauly Shore officially on PA Worst Acts and Show Bidness list.

[bigmack]

Rest assured it twernt tough finding vids archetypal of anyones dreadfulness.

My thoughts exactacktilly on the supposed temp of the studio with CSlater.
Q: We're you in theatre?
A: No but I sat back stage while my dad was - Does that count? :lol:

You can't even imagine how truly rotten that Anson W clip gets. WGN should loose its license for that. Harry Carey belting out "Take me out..." sounded better than Ans.

"Mmm-hmm. ... That's nice." Summing up the entire GilG career nicely.

I meant to put who nominated what in the vid.

Until next time hooligans.
______________

Whoppsiedaisy. My blunder in misinterpreting the toes/Cooper Caper. From now on, I'll watch my copper clapper.

[bigmack]

loose license
Case in point

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u70/macktime/loose.jpg

[toetoe]

Analagous to someone's affinity for Kevin Bacon bits, I find myself strangely attracted to the "humor" of Jim "You'll Never Laugh Again" Gaffigan.

"Really, really old people seem to look a lot alike." Statman Crothers gets down to the nitty gritty. :D

[toetoe]

mack,

Please attribute the Webb/Carson reference, O Caper Crusader.

[bigmack]

Speaking of Bacon bits... How bout that Six Degrees thing that has taken hold?

Likewise, how bout we go with Garzzara? Ben Gazzara.

Filmography supplied, select any 5 artists tied to BG in the industry and VastMack will 'mash' a vid of their collaborative artistic efforts. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001262/

I suspect The CucamongaKid will stand victorious again. Good luck.
With any legs, I'll start anutha tread.

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/42943/johnny_carson_copper_clappers/

[toetoe]

Brasilian musical giants Eliana Pittman and Edu Lobo, featured in an episode in, of all places, Brasil. :confused:

Miss Pittman was the girl toy of the GREAT Christian Baarnard(sp.?).

So there.

[bigmack]

Não,

O que é a conexão a Gazzara?

[falconridge]

Speaking of Bacon bits... How bout that Six Degrees thing that has taken hold?

Likewise, how bout we go with Garzzara? Ben Gazzara.

Filmography supplied, select any 5 artists tied to BG in the industry and VastMack will 'mash' a vid of their collaborative artistic efforts. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001262/

I suspect The CucamongaKid will stand victorious again. Good luck.
With any legs, I'll start anutha tread.

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/42943/johnny_carson_copper_clappers/:lol: :lol:
Thank God! It's Friday. :jump: :jump:

I was hoping for a mash of another of f'ridge's all-time faves, [d*mn! the "n" key on my console is sticking again :mad: ]: the -imitable, -effable, -conquerable, -eluctable ... [drumroll, please] ... Steven ("Nobody beats me in the kitchen") Seagal, whose emotive range GilG shall never approach. Note the nuance:

http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o31/hassan1024/oti4cl.gif

[toetoe]

Apareceram num episodio de Run For Your Life, sabe, maquezao ??

[toetoe]

John Cassavetes, Gena Rowlands and the GREAT Petey Bogdanovich, of
Saint Jack fame.

[toetoe]

Alas, meu irmao. These two giants are uncredited, just singing in a club during a RFYL scene. :( I DO happen to recall a character named Capitao Fonseca --- d'zat help ? Mack, FIND THAT EPISODE.

Shades of the Hardy Boys book which starts with a note from Dad, who has left town on urgent business. (Kasey Kasem voice, now) And he writes: "Boys, can you get started on this case for me ? Only clue: Hugo Purple Turban. Love, Dad." So, when Dad gets back, the case is wrapped up with a nice ribbon around it, the bad guys are in jail, and like that. Hey, STAVROS ...

[falconridge]

John Cassavetes, Gena Rowlands and the GREAT Petey Bogdanovich, of
Saint Jack fame.
Wasn't Aussie underwear model George "Nobody Believes I'm Bond" Lazenby in that one? (What a waste! The best Bond Girl ever--Diana Rigg :jump: --squandered on that stiff :mad: )

http://www.virginmedia.com/microsites/movies/slideshow/bondgirls-2007/img_4.jpg
Diana

[bigmack]

Hotdog. Some nice pickin' there comrades. :ThmbUp:

Segal will have to be isolated from the general pop for his safety.
Musically, I hear something in the Wagnerian ilk. Time 'll tell.

Sniffin'A Go-Go ensues.

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u70/macktime/bloodhound2.jpg

[bigmack]

SS will provide rich material...(Stop)
Initial take is to go dark with said material...(Stop)
Not sure if that's the direction you'd like to move in...(Stop)
If it weren't dark I'm thinking something tangoesque so I can crack out the Piazzolla...(Stop)
Weather here is difficult...(Stop)
More to follow, or is it come?...(Stop)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWa5osDUlu8
Talk me off the initial dark take.

[toetoe]

Apparently producer Allan S. Gordon and director Howard Davies thought our favorite punching bag, the GREAT Tony Danza, had talent, at least in 1999, as they cast him as Rocky Pioggi in The Iceman Cometh (no, Virginia, that was NOT George Gervin's foray into porno, okay, honey ?), alongside Kevin I'm-Not-Insane-Just-A-Bit Spacey.

So, does Mistah Danza get admitted into da Hall o' Talent ? Stewards have ruled ......... nah. :ThmbDown:

[bigmack]

Faagettabout Gervin, Danza was a bonafide card carrying union member. Scuttlebutt goes back & forth on verifiable evidence but I think I saw something years ago. Urban dictionary: A Danza :eek:

Anywho, back to Seagal. Couldn't find much in the way of speaking material. Youtubes were all action. Should have kept the trailer motif throughout.

I learned much from his Zen story.

8ZoaobwnQYc

[toetoe]

Well, after going #'s 1, 2 and 3 in our proverbial mouth, My Own Worst Enemy is itself gone after # 4. That's right; after four (count 'em --- :4: ) episodes, Houston, we have cancelation. I'm stumped. It looked so perfectly mediocre, and therefore bound for success.

Mr. Crocodile, what say YOU ?

Croc: ":(."

[toetoe]

Maybe she was flattered by the perfect storm of mediocrity called Suddenly Susan, but I used to think Kathy Griffin was marginally risible. Now, upon further review, we, your stewards, have ruled that, except for maybe shilling for Barack Obama and causes dear to the openhearted, childloving gay community, KGriff is officially useless. :(

[Burls]

http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o31/hassan1024/oti4cl.gif
I remember reading a review of one of Ben Affleck's performances which was described as "so wooden that it made Steven Segal look like Dustin Hoffman". :lol: :lol:

[juanepstein]

sarah silverman freakin rules.

When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.

Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.

I dated a guy who was half-black, but he totally dumped me because I'm such a loser. Wow! I just heard myself say that. I am such a pessimist... He's actually half-white.

I was sitting next to a young couple with a baby on the plane and I was making the baby laugh the entire flight. Do you know what babies love? Ethnic jokes.

[bigmack]

sarah silverman freakin rules.

When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.

Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.

I dated a guy who was half-black, but he totally dumped me because I'm such a loser. Wow! I just heard myself say that. I am such a pessimist... He's actually half-white.

I was sitting next to a young couple with a baby on the plane and I was making the baby laugh the entire flight. Do you know what babies love? Ethnic jokes.
That's her A material? Gawd, she's worse than I thought. Cutting edge stuff there. She's so darn shocking. :confused:

[toetoe]

Regarding SSilv:

"Gentlemen of the Jewry, have you reached a verdict ?"

"We have, Your Goyischeness. Sarah Silverman blows goats."



Did I menschen I'll be back here the second Tuesday of next week ?
One more thing (best Eugene Levy voice):

HOW AAAAH YA ?

[toetoe]

Okay, after the Sheriff Lobo episode last night, which featured the GREAT Pat Paulsen, I watched Monk, only to find that next week, the GRATE Sarah Silverman will be a guest villainess, or victim, or something.

Cain't hardlee wait. (:Rubbing, um ... hands.)

P.S. EEEW !! :eek: .

[toetoe]

Will I be deah at da House a Blues to see Paulie Show-wah ? Shoo-wah, why not ? G'ahead --- poke fun at him, but it ain't called da House a Comedy now, izzit ?

[jballscalls]

Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Bill Maher, Jay Leno, and Dane Cook........In no particular order.

[toetoe]

Confession (in best Joe Lieberman voice):

"Hadassah and I ... Hadassah and I ... :sleeping: ... Hadassah and I heard Adam Sandler's Chanukah Song and found it amusing." There, I've said it. Adam Sandler did something funny. I still think he should sandle fulltime.

Program note:
Did anybody see Sarah on Monk ? Youch --- bad visual. YECCH.

[Steve 'StatMan']

Maybe she was flattered by the perfect storm of mediocrity called Suddenly Susan, but I used to think Kathy Griffin was marginally risible. Now, upon further review, we, your stewards, have ruled that, except for maybe shilling for Barack Obama and causes dear to the openhearted, childloving gay community, KGriff is officially useless. :(

Anyone catch Kathy Griffin swearing on CNN w/Anderson Cooper on NY Eve? I saw this bit of news, and found the clip - funny for handling a heckler in a club and on cable comedy shows, but with regular fair at family gatherings, oh a big no-no. I'm laughing from the clip, and from her getting caught.

jsR8DVGS9bM

[toetoe]

I imagine Mistah 360, as an undeclared Alternative Studies major (he's dreading the orals), was taken aback.

I guess it's true, Kathy --- what comes OUT is more important. :ThmbDown: .

[cj's dad]

Anything involving baton twirling, hula hoops, or spinning plates.

[toetoe]

Here's an act that I gave the hook as soon as I managed to read the title:

"Superstars of Dance." :confused:

I tuned in N.B.C. at 9:00 last night (Sunday), expecting my beloved Monk rerun. Some bimbo breathlessly started in on the buildup, and I was .....


...................................GONE .................................

G'bye.

[toetoe]

Now, I would never claim that the GREAT MacLean Stevenson belongs on our list, but his forgotten-but-not-gone(*) vehicle, Hello, Larry, featured the stylings of the one, the only ... Mr. George Memmoli. :eek: .

How do I know ? Why, I saw the aforementioned thespians on tv-intros.com.

(*) Creation of Mr. Frank X. Falconridge, who, upon invention of said invention, intoned, "Excuse me." ;)

[mountainman]

Glen Campbell in "True Grit." Alan Arkin in anything. The guy who played Patty Duke's boyfriend. Paul Newman in "The Hustler." ( He said decades later that he winces when watching his performance.) The guy who played Marlo Thomas' boyfriend on "That Girl"-probably the dullest tv series of all time. Craig Wasson, the main protagonist in "Ghost Story." Nurse Chapel on the original Star Trek series. "The Swimmer," a movie which gets my vote as worst of all time and should have killed Burt Lancaster's career. "The Appaloosa," which had to be made under the influence of downers. It's like they set OUT to make the sleepiest film possible. Anything with Ruth Gordon, but especially movies in which she hits on young guys. They should have spared audiences by throwing her in a rest home. The guy who played Rock Hudson's sidekick on McMillan and Wife-he also played a sexually conflicted soldier in "Mash." (HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM) This is fun. I'll think of more.

[toetoe]

You haven't found any fault with Uhura's thighs, have you ? :faint:

[bigmack]

Glen Campbell in "True Grit." Alan Arkin in anything. The guy who played Patty Duke's boyfriend. Paul Newman in "The Hustler." ( He said decades later that he winces when watching his performance.) The guy who played Marlo Thomas' boyfriend on "That Girl"-probably the dullest tv series of all time. Craig Wasson, the main protagonist in "Ghost Story." Nurse Chapel on the original Star Trek series. "The Swimmer," a movie which gets my vote as worst of all time and should have killed Burt Lancaster's career. "The Appaloosa," which had to be made under the influence of downers. It's like they set OUT to make the sleepiest film possible. Anything with Ruth Gordon, but especially movies in which she hits on young guys. They should have spared audiences by throwing her in a rest home. The guy who played Rock Hudson's sidekick on McMillan and Wife-he also played a sexually conflicted soldier in "Mash." (HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM) This is fun. I'll think of more.
Donald Hollinger perhaps but Ruth Gordon in Harold & Maude as well as AA in The In Laws??? You're out of order.

[toetoe]

I'm about to fry, as my nodes are arkin.' :eek: .

[mountainman]

Donald Hollinger perhaps but Ruth Gordon in Harold & Maude as well as AA in The In Laws??? You're out of order.
Entertainment is a matter of personal taste. And I would rather be waterboarded than watch Ruth Gordon shriek, shake her boney fist, and smack her lips for 2 hours. Alan Arkin is so dull that I suspect he made a deal with the devil to get roles. Besides, what's the fun here if our selections don't spur some disagreement?

[mountainman]

Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Bill Maher, Jay Leno, and Dane Cook........In no particular order.
No matter how controversial his opinions, watching Bill Maher is like watching Sherman Williams cease to be wet.

[mountainman]

You haven't found any fault with Uhura's thighs, have you ? :faint:
Never looked much at those.

[ezrabrooks]

Donald Hollinger perhaps but Ruth Gordon in Harold & Maude as well as AA in The In Laws??? You're out of order.

Donald Hollinger? That would be Ted Bessel. I thought That Girl was a pretty good Series.

Ez

[toetoe]

Bessell, as in Bissell vacuum cleaners, which suck mightily ? Just a coincidence, I guess. :rolleyes: .

No, come on ... I liked Donald.



Oh, Donald !

[turfnsport]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Nobody'll EVER beat THAT, mack, but here's another to add to our Rogues' Gallery of Dishonorable Mentions:

http://www.wma.com/0/cta/comedy/comedy_connection/imgs/margaret_cho_1.jpg
Margaret Cho
"Funnier 'n a pay toilet in the diarrhea ward!"

YES! I can't believe someone beat me to it! Cho is the WORST EVER!!!!!

[bigmack]

Donald Hollinger? That would be Ted Bessel.
Ya don't say

:sleeping:

[toetoe]

Falconridge and turfnsport --- WHO wants it more ?

The photo-photo goes to .... Falconridge. The margin of victory was ....

.... hmm ... four and one half months.

[mountainman]

Forgot two. Keanu Reeves in Bram Stoker's 'Dracula'-"like whoaaaaaaaaaa dude. It's the count!" And Sophia Coppola in 'Godfather 3'- "uuuuoooooo dahd, is it like true that you like killed your oooown brrrrrUUUther? Like that is soooo uncool dahd."

[toetoe]

I would rather be waterboarded than watch Ruth Gordon shriek, shake her boney fist, and smack her lips for 2 hours

:D .



I'm reviving this thread to throw a spotlight upon a few pattersonianisms I never noticed, or somehow just forgot. All are funnier than any of our nominees, o' course.

[toetoe]

No matter how controversial his opinions, watching Bill Maher is like watching Sherman Williams cease to be wet.



:lol: and :ThmbUp: .