Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road? (NEW)

[LutherCalvin]

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road!

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never* &&cra...#@&&^(C% <mailto:&&cra...#@&&%5E(C%25> <mailto:cra...>* ........reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

[JustRalph]

Nice!

Let's all add to it..........HUH?


Charlie Sheen: The Rooster Crossed the Road to Pick up a Hooker Chicken............

[ljb]

Cindy McCain : The chicken crossed the road because she was being asked about her tax returns on this side.

[bigmack]

Michelle Obama: Because there was a mirror that showed her profile in a slightly flattering fashion.

[hcap]

Dick Cheney: So what? I was NOT hunting chicken.

[Greyfox]

Jeremiah Wright: Those weren't my chickens that crossed the road. Those were Obama's. His chickens were just coming home to roost. He's got more chickens that are going to come home to roost that I'm going to send him. You reap what you sew. Chickens come home to roost.

[hcap]

Donald Rumsfeld: There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know.

[Indulto]

Bob Evans: The chicken was trying to change the pecking order. Not on my toll road!

[Greyfox]

Winston Churchill: "Some chicken......Some neck."

[Jeff P]

Hoping you guys enjoy the following in the spirit in which it was intended:



Tom:
We have too many chickens already. That van running over it was a good thing.

The Fat Man:
The pickup truck that just missed the chicken was clearly best. It'll beat the van to the chicken next time out.

Dave Schwartz:
Video 487 shows tote probability smoothing of chickens crossing roads.

Jeff P:
Here's a large sample data study showing that chickens are 1.1417 times more likely to make it to the other side of a road when the trainer isn't too cheap to cough up a few bucks for a lasix shot.

46zilzal:
For the 1000th time: Lasix does NOTHING for chickens.

Premier Turf Club:
My partner Joe says chicken #4 has the wrong feet for the type of gravel used in the construction of the road they are using today. Chicken #2 looked exceptional crossing the road last Thursday and has the right feet for this type of gravel. We'll go with him on top of the #6.

Anderon:
CT R3
$2000.00 trifecta wheel... chicken #7/ALL/ALL... and ALL/#7/ALL...

Until Next Time.............Stay Profitable !! :ThmbUp:


Formula_2002:
Not betting on chickens is the wisest thing any chicken player can do.

CJ:
That chicken took forever to get across. Mostly because the pace was really slow. I gave him a 94.

KarlsKorner:
Made one bet yesterday. Then headed to the parking lot after chicken #2 made it to the other side. Land of milk and honey.

John Del Riccio:
Figs for the race of the week are now up. I think the rider switch can only help the #3 chicken and I make him 4-1 on my line.

Game Theory:
I recently added the following fields to a test database: incubation time spent in the egg, chart caller's comments, and wing size. Some very promising results so far.

Jeff P:
I saw a replay of EVD's 8th last night and it left me completely baffled. I demand to know exactly WHERE the road ends and the other side begins. Until that happens the game has an integrity perception problem.

46zilzal:
No. It doesn't.

Bill Olmstead:
Lock of the day: MNR R2 Chicken #4 at 2/5. If he doesn't get hit by a truck he walks to the other side for fun.

CMoore:
Bad beat Bill. The driver of that truck got him by swerving at the last possible instant. For a while it really looked like you had it.

PTTruckDriver:
The chicken that won paid $28.00. I couldn't find anything positive in its record. How on earth did anyone have that one?

SomeNewbie - making post #1... A friend of mine bought a program from RPM that had it on top. Anyone else having luck with that program?

AnotherNewbie - making post #1... Anyone have the contact info for RPM?

NJCurveBall: Actually HTR showed it as $$ with a 700 PED and an 85 WK. Rich Goodall singled it in the NHC and won $500k. :lol: :lol:

Johnielu:
# POST ErlSpd / ML/Comp

247 4 97 5 344
190 3 92 2 282
208 6 92 4 300
205 5 91 15 296
253 2 88 3.5 341
227 1 87 4.5 314
226 7 80 20 306

CanGamble:
I think we can all agree that takeouts are too high and WEG still sucks.






-jp

.

[Tom]

Jeff, that was great stuff! :lol::lol::lol:


ljb...The price of chicken has risen steadily during Bush's second term.


hcap..... #### the chicken!

Edited by Paceadvantage 5/10/08 5:56pm

[PaceAdvantage]

Jeff, that was too funny! Thanks for that!

[chickenhead]

very good Jeff!

ny0707ny: I wish Naughty New Yorker and War Pass would have raced that chicken to the other side.

[toetoe]

Joe Takach: May be off her seed. Pecker is rather wobbly. May need spurs for best.

[JustRalph]

Donald Rumsfeld: There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know.


You think you could have mentioned the Chicken............ :ThmbDown:

[Dave Schwartz]

Jeff,

Pricelss.

[hcap]

You think you could have mentioned the Chicken............
Duh, wasn't the question "Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road?"

Donald Rumsfeld: There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know. Ask a straight answer of your boy Rummy-get a pile of shit. :ThmbDown: :ThmbDown: :ThmbDown:

[Indulto]

:lol:
JP,
Unless LC's thread starter was an original by that poster, you win the Walter Matthau Memorial Award, posthumously awarded annually for most humorous post adapted from another. :ThmbUp:

[Steve 'StatMan']

Funny Stuff Gang!

Chickenhead: To get to the OTB.

[Greyfox]

Rene Descartes:

When that hen left she knew how to say:
" I cluck ,therefore I am."
When she returned, she said:

"I crossed the road because I thought that I could get clucked better on the other side. Distant hills are greener, as you might well know.
I spent time with a clucker called Jean-Paul Sartre. You had it backwards.

"I ' am, therefore I cluck."

(Enjoy your "clucking.")

[Dan Montilion]

Oliver Stone... The chicken never crossed the road. The other side was a patsy.

Andy Beyer... Slo1, std2 mid-road, caught in vice just before other side, crossed with PLS vs. bias.

Pee Wee Herman... I'd like to choke that chicken.

Dan Montilion... I don't care if the chicken crosses or not. I don't want anything to do with an animal that eats its own shit.

[DJofSD]

TRACKNET: We don't care if the chicken crosses the road or not, but, if he does cross the road we'll need to collect a percentage of any fees he generates selling his story.

[Steve 'StatMan']

THG: We, as representatives of the chicken owners, are from this point forward, are requiring joke book writers, publishers, comedy club commedians and internet joke tellers/shares to share 1/3 of the net proceeds and laughs/credit with the respective state chicken owner's association. Failure to sign this agreement will result in our witholding the rights for said 'comic enterprises' to disseminate chicken jokes in any form.

[toetoe]

She followed her pecker across the double yellow in pursuit of Ann Poulter. :bang:

[ddog]

trying to escape this thread.