TWO WOMEN ARRIVING IN HEAVEN

[keilan]

Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are comparing
stories on how they died:

1st woman: "I froze to death."


2nd woman: "How horrible."

1st woman: "It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I
began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What
about you?"


2nd woman: "I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my
husband was cheating, so came home early to catch him in the act. But
instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV."

1st woman: "So what happened?"

2nd woman: "I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere
that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the
attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet
and checked under all the beds I kept this up until I had looked
everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over
with a heart attack and died."

1st woman: "Too bad you didn't look in the freezer -- we'd both
still be alive."

[098poi]

Good one!

:lol:

[Tom]

Great! :lol:

[skate]

reminds me.


i got pulled over by the police yesterday, funny, he asked me if i knew that my wife feel from the car.

gees, thank god, i thought i'd lost my hearing.

[JustMissed]

my wife feel from the car.


JM

[wes]

Pray for Ed

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was Really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift In the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife Woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box Gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand New bathroom scale.

Ed has been missing since Friday.

Please pray for him!

wes

[Ron]

JM

feel or fell...its all skatespeak

[ljb]

A state trooper pulled over an elderly couple on a highway in Nevada.
He came up to the car and asked for drivers license and proof of insurance.
The man's wife, hard of hearing said "what did he say? what did he say?
The man said "he wants my license and proof of insurance".
The trooper upon seeing the license said.
"Your from Reno, I used to live in Reno. Had a girl friend there. Worst sex I ever had." He mused.
The wife said "What did he say? what did he say?"
The man said. "He thinks he knows you."

[skate]

feel or fell...its all skatespeak

Hey, i've got a 47 IQ, which is 0ne higher than Zilly:)

[keilan]

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't
tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

[keilan]

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.

Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "

No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

[Tee]

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again.

The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"

The man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.

[ljb]

> Subj: used car
>
>
>
>
> If you can't laugh at this one you need to lighten up!
>
> It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.
>
> As he was checking a used car lot,
> he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.
>
> He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car.
> Were they trying to steal it? "Heavens no, we bought it."
>
> "Then why don't you drive it away."
>
> "We can't drive."
>
> "Then why did you buy it?"
>
> "We were told that if we bought a used car here we'd get screwed. So we're
> just waiting.
>
>