bigmack
12-18-2006, 03:06 PM
http://www.stevenwright.com/a_word/images/sw04.jpg
He's got some beauts:
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.
How do you get off of a non-stop flight?
Women should put a picture of their missing husbands on beer cans.
Is "tired old cliche" one?
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
If a mute kid swears,should his mother wash his hands with soap?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Was it somebody's cruel idea to put an "S" in the word "LISP" ?
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while I'm in the waiting room. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Is it true cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called, 'They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away' 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.'
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Why isn't the word, 'phonetically'spelled with an ' f '?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
My grandfather likes to give me advise, but he's a little forgetful. One day, he took me aside and left me there.
Why don't they just make mouse flavored cat food?
If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
The other day, I went to a tourist information booth and asked,"Tell me about some of the people who were here last year".
I went to a restaurant that serves 'Breakfast At Any Time.' So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
My friend got arrested for counterfeiting. He was making pennies.They caught him because he was putting the heads and tails on the wrong sides.
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
How do you write zero in Roman Numerals?
Why are there braille dots on the keypads at drive up ATMs?
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
He's got some beauts:
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.
How do you get off of a non-stop flight?
Women should put a picture of their missing husbands on beer cans.
Is "tired old cliche" one?
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
If a mute kid swears,should his mother wash his hands with soap?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Was it somebody's cruel idea to put an "S" in the word "LISP" ?
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while I'm in the waiting room. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
Is it true cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called, 'They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away' 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.'
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Why isn't the word, 'phonetically'spelled with an ' f '?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
My grandfather likes to give me advise, but he's a little forgetful. One day, he took me aside and left me there.
Why don't they just make mouse flavored cat food?
If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
The other day, I went to a tourist information booth and asked,"Tell me about some of the people who were here last year".
I went to a restaurant that serves 'Breakfast At Any Time.' So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
My friend got arrested for counterfeiting. He was making pennies.They caught him because he was putting the heads and tails on the wrong sides.
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
How do you write zero in Roman Numerals?
Why are there braille dots on the keypads at drive up ATMs?
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.