Dave Schwartz
11-02-2005, 03:00 PM
Evidence provided by the reaction to hurricane Katrina has prompted a
major research institution to recently announce the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named
"Governmentium".
Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy
neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles
called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take
over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a
second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not
decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists
to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain
quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
Critical Morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes
Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as
Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
major research institution to recently announce the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named
"Governmentium".
Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy
neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles
called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take
over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a
second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not
decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists
to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain
quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
Critical Morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes
Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as
Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.