View Full Version : Humor: George Carlin speaks...

Dave Schwartz
07-18-2005, 08:52 PM
The following is attributed to George Carlin. Don't know if it is really his but it is certainly applicable to our times (and funny).


"Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government
can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall
where she sleeps in the state of Washington And they tracked her calves to
their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens
wandering around our country.

Maybe we should give them all a cow."


"They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we
just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's
worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore."


"The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse?
You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery"
and "Thou Shall Not Lie" In a building full of lawyers, judges and
politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!

And Last but not least.... about Martha Stewart ..

"Boy, I felt a lot safer when she's behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe
Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the
one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and
haul her ass off to jail."

07-18-2005, 10:24 PM

07-21-2005, 11:13 PM
There is a lot of truth in humor.

07-22-2005, 04:58 PM
Thanks Dave:

George has been making be laugh for years---he's great--and I have been fortunate to see many great comics over several decades in person or on the tube!!!


07-22-2005, 07:14 PM
Great stuff, esp. for old George, who went through many years of not giving a Shiite. I saw him live at one of Carson's last shows (1992) and he was less funny than Will Durst!

07-22-2005, 07:39 PM
Thanks Dave:

George has been making be laugh for years---he's great--and I have been fortunate to see many great comics over several decades in person or on the tube!!!CapperLou

I like a bunch of what Carlin does...........but I hate some of what he says too. Too bad he is in drug rehab for the 10th time...............

07-22-2005, 08:04 PM

I'm drumming my pencil on the desk as I honestly say,
"I did not KNOW that!"

07-22-2005, 08:18 PM
I love his stuff. His baseball vs. football routine is great stuff. If you haven't heard it, find a way to.

07-22-2005, 09:16 PM
I read somewhere he has been to rehab 3 or four times a decade for the last 30 years. He is now 67 years old.................can you believe that.......I believe he is hooked on Prescription drugs this time..........pain killers...........


07-22-2005, 10:04 PM
i'm not sure thats right Ralph, he was in rehab at the end of last year, but I don't think it has been a recurring problem, not since he got off the coke in the way back days...anyway I have tickets to see him like next month so he better be out...if he seems too uptight, I'll toss some vicodin up on the stage for him.

07-23-2005, 11:52 AM
Carlin has been suffering from a serious disease for several years....he isn't funny. Projectile vomiting is more entertaining than that slob.

07-23-2005, 09:49 PM
being that I have been moving into a new house this weekend and last, more than once his routine "A Place for My Stuff" has crossed my mind....I'm amazed at how much shit my girlfriend has, compared to all the good stuff I've got.... :lol:


07-27-2005, 11:22 PM
definently got to be carlin's, thats totally his mindset
the last could be his but ive heard a lot of others along the same lines. he did a serious bit on how we.ve taken terminology's that described a serious living or dying condition and given that same terminolgy a more humane and less descriptive meaning. like we've taken the old term "shell shock" and cleaned it up a bit so it wouldnt appear so horrible and gave it a nice new name that just kind of flows off the tounge when you say it "post war stress syndrome" now thats so much better than that nasty old term "shell shock" isnt it. doesnt frieghten people so much. makes people think that "oh he's just going thru a post war stress syndrome, nothing serious, its not like he has "shell shock" that was a excellent routine

Pace Cap'n
07-28-2005, 07:34 AM
"Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff."

07-28-2005, 02:34 PM
I give champagne to my real friends, and you can guess what my sham friends get. Works with shampoo, also.

07-28-2005, 09:39 PM
gotta love it

07-29-2005, 05:52 PM
Might heavy petting lead to petty heaving?