FAREWELL VETSCRATCH

[Equineer]

Starting in January, a member of our handicapping software development troika will be leaving to become Mark Cuban's Director of Gambler Recruitment for Cuban's forthcoming gambling investment venture.

We will miss her, but her dad says this move means that I will be the second best probability handicapper on the planet. :)

If a career in gambling interests you, just add a brief post to this thread. Nothing more than "Count Me In" is required.

When 800-number Screening Interviews begin, she will select candidates. If you are selected, I will PM you with the 800-number and a call preference date/time.

Forbes: http://www.forbes.com/2004/12/01/1201autofacescan03.html

CNNSI: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2004/basketball/nba/wires/11/30/2030.ap.bkn.cuban.hedge.fund.0468/

Cuban's Blog: http://www.blogmaverick.com/entry/1234000570021684/

[ElKabong]

My spyware doctor program just went nuts yanking crap off my puter that the Forbes site layed on it....Thanks, man .

[Equineer]

Elkabong,

Nonsense.

Just click "Skip This Ad" in the top banner.

It's not abnormal to get an introductory ad when you go to Forbes. Forbes is even nice enough to skip the ad if you link enough times in succession (using IE6).

[andicap]

In his blog, Cuban writes

"If you play t42-he slots in vegas, you can read what the payout ratios are for each casino. 97 pct. 98 pct. If you play long enough, the casino will end up with 2 or 3 pct of your money. Unless of course you go up to the winning side while you play, and quit while your ahead."


Nonsense, if you play long enough you will lose much more than 2-3% of your money. You will lose ALL of the your money. By playing so many times that 2-3% wears down your bankroll into eventually it is gone. It does take $2-3 of every $100 you play in the long run -- thus the 2%-3% house edge.
Same thing in craps with the 1% edge on some bets. If you play long enough you will lose far more than 1% of your bankroll. You will lose it all, unless - as Cuban correctly notes -- you quit while you are ahead.

It does not appear Cuban will take horse racing bets tho, just sports events. Is this correct?

[kenwoodallpromos]

"Unless of course you go up to the winning side while you play, and quit while your ahead."
So that's where I got that from! LOL.
I think you are right andicap.
The house usually has the resources and enough plays to work out the %, but the % includes the rare wins of the jackpot.
Good luck to Vetscratch.

[ElKabong]

Hey, wait a minute! EXACTLY WHO all are doing the handicapping and selecting the bets to be made?

If people are going to put hard earned $$ in someone else's hands, let's see some NAMES and resumes. What have they done to deserve the trust?

I don't know vet scratch's position in this scheme, but if "she" is a handicapper in the mix, then point me somewhere on this board "she" wowed people with winning bets. I don't recall any such event.

Methinks this is another Cuban stinko, ala his quickly defunct teevee show disaster. You know, the one Trump is laughing at him about :D

[Equineer]

Sorry, Elkabong, but the Cuban Fund resident gambler position for Maybury, USA, has already been filled.

[Equineer]

Andicap,

In his blog, Cuban seemed to push two arguments.

Argument #1 - Prominent sporting events "should" offer better and more timely decision-making information than publicly traded equities (e.g., by his examples of unpublished corporate performance manipulation strategies and artifices).

Argument #2 - His rather adamant claim that there is a relatively stable "smart money" sports gambling crowd.

What cocktail is Cuban really stirring?

Does Cuban believe the "square money" in our sports-addicted culture is really as dumb and plentiful as he also suggested?

If not, after laying out his case for availability of comprehensive information... where an owner might be expected to be privy to all of it... Cuban stops short of asking the question that may really be nagging him.

As in, what should I think after a "Go figure" performance when my general manager, coaches, and players cannot provide me with a "satisfactory" explanation?

[ElKabong]

Originally posted by Equineer
Sorry, Elkabong, but the Cuban Fund resident gambler position for Maybury, USA, has already been filled.


That's unfortunate, Eq. It eliminates your other brother Darrell.

You didn't answer my questions. (1) Where can I find vetscratch's picks on this or any board? (2) Where are the names of these Mark Cuban handicappers?

If you don't have the ability to answer either question, just say so.

[ranchwest]

If a career in gambling interests you, just add a brief post to this thread. Nothing more than "Count Me In" is required.

In what capacity? Tout, gambler, janitor, croupier?

[Equineer]

Elkabong,

To my knowledge, everything worthy of speculation is presented solely within the three linked articles referenced in my first post.

More news may be forthcoming or maybe not. From the little I know about true hedge funds, they are not for average investors. They often "seek or invite" wealthy investors rather than broadly advertize in the mainstream for qualified high-risk investors, and minimum investments sometimes exceed $1-Million.

Anyway, nothing in my post was intended to address investing if that was your interest.

Finally, with respect to your other questions, I think you should ask them if and when you interview to become a hired gambler. :)

[andicap]

Not TOO Much pressure picking games or horses in a multi-million dollar hedge fund.
Bad enough when YOUR rent is on the line. How about when the life savings (or fraction thereof) of thousands of investors are hanging out there?
Nope, no pressure at all.

[formula_2002]

A gambling hedge fund!
My Father was a gambling hedge fund operator in his time.
But back then they called him a bookie!!;)

[ElKabong]

Originally posted by Equineer
Elkabong,

To my knowledge, everything worthy of speculation is presented solely within the three linked articles referenced in my first post.

More news may be forthcoming or maybe not. From the little I know about true hedge funds, they are not for average investors. They often "seek or invite" wealthy investors rather than broadly advertize in the mainstream for qualified high-risk investors, and minimum investments sometimes exceed $1-Million.

Anyway, nothing in my post was intended to address investing if that was your interest.

Finally, with respect to your other questions, I think you should ask them if and when you interview to become a hired gambler. :)


Interesting. You can't direct me to where Vettie wowed a soul here with a series of picks worthy of being at the wheel at times of a so-called hedge fund for gamblers....Why am I not surprised? :D

Cuban is on 2 diff local radio stations (The Ticket, and espn103.3), weekly on call in shows. I'll ask him for some names and backgrounds on his "hired gamblers". Being the open personality that he is, he'll offer it freely.

Have a nice day.

[Equineer]

Originally posted by ElKabong
Interesting. You can't direct me to where Vettie wowed a soul here with a series of picks worthy of being at the wheel at times of a so-called hedge fund for gamblers....Why am I not surprised? :DWhere did you glean that Cuban is proposing a "hedge fund for gamblers?"

Did you read the articles? I don't think horseracing is in the picture, and it certainly sounds like gamblers will merely be "hired hands" for Cuban and any investors that he may choose to qualify and accept. If I'm not mistaken, "hedge funds" usually require investors to qualify as "accredited investors" under SEC Rule 504.

In any case, why would you expect VS to have made horse picks? That's what touts do. She is a handicapper... and by definition, handicappers evaluate only probabilities. You seem to have the 20th century concept of horse picks confused with modern handicapping.

If you are interested in picks, you may want to consider a system like "Our Precious Secret," which has recently been advertised by Mortal Locks Ltd via mailouts.

I received this ad for "Our Precious Secret" last week. Does it sound as good to you as it did to me?

Our Precious Secret (ad copy from Mortal Locks Ltd):

Let me tell you about a fool-proof horseracing system that my wife Betty named Our Precious Secret. For many years, Betty and I cherished our weekends at the racetrack, wagering with friends and eking out a small profit. Then tragedy struck! A car accident confined Betty to a wheelchair, and she required very expensive medications for the final fifteen years of her life.

However, wheelchair confinement allowed Betty to spend all her waking hours studying the races. After five years, she discovered Our Precious Secret (just when we were on the verge of bankruptcy). Suddenly, horseracing became almost as simple as cashing Traveler's Checks!

Using OPS (Our Precious Secret), we were soon scanning full cards in less than thirty minutes and consistently picking winners at an amazing SEVENTY percent rate.

OPS turned our lives around, and we literally lived on Easy Street for the next decade until Betty passed away this year. On her deathbed, Betty said, "We have enjoyed such good fortune, and you have a tidy sum tucked away, so please don't be stingy with our secret after I am gone. Please share it with others who may need good fortune as much as we did." Bless her soul!

You were selected to receive this advertisement because I promised Betty that I would share OPS with folks in need of good fortune. Moreover, I am offering OPS in return for a $500 donation so that together, you and I can help brighten the lives of wheelchair invalids who are too often ignored by society.

<Following that introduction, the ad briefly summarizes how OPS works, and shows some very profitable results from meets at major tracks.)

Sounds good, right?

[fouroneone]

Here is a funny satire on Bush's plans to privatize social security by letting people gamble their earnings......

the new Office of Social Security and Pari-mutuel Wagering (http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4048&n=1)

[ElKabong]

Originally posted by Equineer
In any case, why would you expect VS to have made horse picks?


To see if Vettie had any skins on the wall. Apparently Vettie is void of any.

Happy trails :cool:

[Tom]

So YOU won't be here anymore, EqVetUs?:)

[ranchwest]

I received this ad for "Our Precious Secret" last week. Does it sound as good to you as it did to me?

I'm touched that there are such kind, sharing, generous people in this world.

Excuse me, I need to go get a tissue.

[Equineer]

Fouroneone,

Thanks! A visit to The Onion is like ordering Samuel Adams, always a good decision!
====

Elkabong,

Sounds like you are stuck in the 20th century with the touts. :)
====

Tom,

VS left yesterday but emailed me from Dallas. Her flight on MC's G550 was silky smooth, plus the abalone and quails' egg omelette was superb!

Me... I'm not so lucky. OHS assigned your case file to me, so it looks like we'll be together for awhile. :)
====

Ranchwest,

This is the season to be generous... and jolly (:))... Happy Holidays to you!

[ranchwest]

Did he really think I was serious? Did I really think he was serious?

[ElKabong]

Originally posted by Equineer
Starting in January, a member of our handicapping software development troika will be leaving to become Mark Cuban's Director of Gambler Recruitment for Cuban's forthcoming gambling investment venture.

We will miss her, but her dad says this move means that I will be the second best probability handicapper on the planet. :)

If a career in gambling interests you, just add a brief post to this thread. Nothing more than "Count Me In" is required.

When 800-number Screening Interviews begin, she will select candidates. If you are selected, I will PM you with the 800-number and a call preference date/time.

Forbes: http://www.forbes.com/2004/12/01/1201autofacescan03.html

CNNSI: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2004/basketball/nba/wires/11/30/2030.ap.bkn.cuban.hedge.fund.0468/

Cuban's Blog: http://www.blogmaverick.com/entry/1234000570021684/


This thread was fwd'd to Mark Cuban ( mark.cuban@dallasmavs.com ). His reply: "Not true".

Anyone and everyone can email Cuban. He answers all of them personally.

Nice dreamworld you live in there, Vetquineer. Sorry to see you leave next month. "Ciao".

:cool: :D

[Equineer]

<opening the envelope>...

And the Satirical Society's Perfect Foil Prize for this year goes to...

[JustRalph]

Originally posted by Equineer
<opening the envelope>...

And the Satirical Society's Perfect Foil Prize for this year goes to...

you are pathetic.............

[ElKabong]

Originally posted by Equineer
<opening the envelope>...

And the Satirical Society's Perfect Foil Prize for this year goes to...



So lemme get this straight....

You begin this thread, and specifically ask any interested gamblers (suckers, and their money), to state such interest on the thread & a 1-800 number would be provided on a later date.......No one bites.......You then get busted by Mark Cuban's response........Now you come off as it all being a joke.

You were looking to pull off a scam. You failed.... What else is new?

[PaceAdvantage]

All bow to vEtQuineer. We are mere pawns in ITS presence.

"We're not worthy.......We're not worthy!"

[ranchwest]

Well, at least we're not surprised. That mama died bait is an old one.

[andicap]

I have no problem with Equineer/VS satire BUT it comes at a price to herself.

She risks not being taken seriously in any of her posts on this board.
That's her right and I don't think she's disruptive, but has a weird and subverise sense of humor. So did Lenny Bruce and Monty Python.
Basically she just likes to shake things up and keep people on their toes so they don't get complacent. Like I said, a worthy goal, but it carries personal risks for her on PA if she wants her posts to be taken at face value, IMHO.

[JustRalph]

http://www.law.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/bruce/brucebiography.html

Vetsratch being compared to Lenny Bruce?

Andi......I admire your mindset. Interesting analogy. Above is a link to Lenny Bruce's bio for anyone who is interested.

Below is the last copule of paragraphs from the above link:

On April 1, 1964, four New York City vice squad officers attended Bruce's performance at the Cafe Au Go Go in Greenwich Village. The officers arrested Bruce and owner Howard Solomon following Bruce's 10:00 P.M. show. Assistant District Attorney Richard Kuh presented a grand jury with a typed partial script of Bruce's performance including references to Jackie Kennedy trying to "save her ass" after her husband's assassination, Eleanor Roosevelt's "nice tits," sexual intimacy with a chicken, "pissing in the sink," the Lone Ranger sodomizing Tonto, and St. Paul giving up "f@#$king" for Lent. The jury indicted Bruce on the obscenity charge. The trial before a three-judge court in New York City that followed stands as a remarkable moment in the history of free speech. Both the prosecution and defense presented parades of well-known witnesses to either denounce Bruce's performance as the worst sort of gutter humor or celebrate it as a powerful and insightful social commentary. Among the witnesses testifying in support of Bruce were What's My Line? panelist Dorothy Kilgallen, sociologist Herbert Gans, and cartoonist Jules Feiffer. In the end, the censors won. Voting 2 to 1, the court found Bruce guilty of violating New York's obscenity laws and sentenced him to "four months in the workhouse."

Ronald Collins and David Skover, in their book The Trials of Lenny Bruce: The Fall and Rise of an American Icon, describe the downward spiral brought on by Bruce's legal problems:

The obscenity busts took their toll. They wore him down, trial by trial, dollar by dollar, year after year. Between 1961 and 1966, he gradually became a pathetic caricature of the Time magazine man he once was. From the Nehru to raincoat to denim jacket periods, he took more drugs and more chances. Now, the law was his main routine.

On June 25, 1966, the bankrupt Bruce gave his last performance, at the Fillmore in California. Five weeks later, on August 3, 1966, police and press converged on his Hollywood Hills home. Lenny Bruce was dead of a morphine overdose. He was found lying naked, except for trousers gathered at his ankles, on his tiled bathroom floor. Near his body was a syringe, a burned bottle cap, and various narcotic instruments.

Vettie: Keep your hands off the chickens.......

as per Andi's original post......I agree with his summation...........methinks........you have a small credibility problem.

[Dave Schwartz]

So, have we determined that EQ and VS are the same?

[Buckeye]

Yes and Yes.

I can take it.

Let them both continue.

Sure it's gobblygook at times, but I see an overall positive contribution.

[Equineer]

JustRalph,
Vetsratch being compared to Lenny Bruce?If and when PA convenes the Off-Topic Obscenity Trials, I will definitely be left standing in the un-indicted group that will be eligible for jury duty. :)

Lenny Bruce ascended just before and during my prep years, and he was convicted for obscenity offenses while I was still an undergraduate. Most of my contemporaries viewed Bruce more as a highly politicized anti-censorship crusader than a humorist or legitimate comedian.

Occasionally, Bruce's obscenities were intrinsic to his material... but too often he seemed gratuitously obscene, almost as if his bookings depended on reaching some pre-determined obscenity quota.

His anti-censorship crusade made him a hot ticket, but after you saw him once, he was like many of today's uncensored "cable comics" in that obviously gratuitous obscenities appeal repeatedly only to morons.

Bruce's fleeting icon status was a byproduct of the contemporary censorship issue.

Up in comic heaven, I rather doubt that Kovacs, Gleason, and Kaufman share a four-top table with Bruce when Jesus starts his monologue in the Big Room.

====

BTW, do you remember Billy Seluga's comic TV character "Raymond J. Johnson?"

TV show hosts always introduced Seluga as "Mister Johnson," to which he would reply, "You can call me Ray, or you can call me Jay, or you can call me RayJay, or you can call me JayJay, or you can me Johnny, or you can call me Sonny, or you can call me RJ, or you can call me RJJ, but ya doesn't have to call me Mister Johnson."

Now anyone can call me Equineer, or fools can call me VetScratch... but you, JustRalph, should call me Colonel! Now get down and give me 20 more good "skycop" pushups! :)

[Tom]

Originally posted by Dave Schwartz
So, have we determined that EQ and VS are the same?

Both the same, yes, ,but the same WHAT is the question!:eek:

[Equineer]

Originally posted by Tom
Both the same, yes, ,but the same WHAT is the question!:eek: Sorry, Tom, the real answer is no... but it sounds like you and others are ready to bet on it. ;)

Also, since you have never served, calling me Colonel is unnecessary, so in lieu of pushups, you can give me 20 jiggles at your discretion. :D

[JustRalph]

Originally posted by Equineer
JustRalph,
If and when PA convenes the Off-Topic Obscenity Trials, I will definitely be left standing in the un-indicted group that will be eligible for jury duty. :)

Interesting concept. Maybe PA should appoint a board of review. Even better........hold an election.............no provisional ballots.

Interesting concepts indeed.................sounding more and more like a community.............

[Equineer]

Originally posted by JustRalph
Interesting concept. Maybe PA should appoint a board of review. Even better........hold an election.............no provisional ballots.
Interesting concepts indeed.................sounding more and more like a community............. You obviously meant more like a commune.

Moonies don't curse... is that what you have in mind? :)

[ranchwest]

Originally posted by Equineer
Sorry, Tom, the real answer is no... but it sounds like you and others are ready to bet on it. ;)



The real answer. The fake answer. The hidden answer. You have a thousand of them and they all suck.

[freeneasy]

is vet snatch, err, err i mean vet scratch, then it doesnt suprise me to see you pulling off this scam as it was my belief that you always had a hidden agenda to use this board towards your own personal gain and possibly a structured and eventual takeover by manipulating the power of popularity here.
so now you got the hammer huh equineer? you got the skinny, the dope, the bird in hand huh? ya got it all figured out and wired up huh? financial security is just a 1-800 phone call away.
ya know what itch err scratch, as i remember it, for the 2 million kiss ass post you made in the realitivily short time you were here on this board i never remember once you ever giving out a horse for any purpose. someone is gonna nail their boot to your ass.

[Equineer]

<wiping the drool off the microphone>...

Testing... testing... testing...

[Equineer]

Originally posted by andicap
I have no problem with Equineer/VS satire BUT it comes at a price to herself.

She risks not being taken seriously in any of her posts on this board. That's her right and I don't think she's disruptive, but has a weird and subverise sense of humor. So did Lenny Bruce and Monty Python.

Basically she just likes to shake things up and keep people on their toes so they don't get complacent. Like I said, a worthy goal, but it carries personal risks for her on PA if she wants her posts to be taken at face value, IMHO. Andicap, I am confident that you have no difficulty differentiating between serious posts and satiric put-ons.

Like Swift's Modest Proposal, Fouroneone's prior link to The Onion, my Famous Breeders Association posts, or this thread... satiric put-ons are purposely founded on ludicrous propositions.

That my partner VetScratch would actually recruit the Off-Topic "good old boys" that loved to loathe her is a totally ludicrous proposition.

Furthermore, satiric put-ons are probably the kindest and gentlest form of humor because they target no specific individuals.

Most jokes have a specific butt. When Leno ridicules Bush or Kerry, his target is precise.

Likewise, at the banal fringe, a remark that might characterize candidates' wives as "fat ho's" is clearly targeted.

Satiric put-ons are kind and gentle humor without a butt unless someone volunteers their services.

In this thread, we had only one volunteer (excluding Freeneasy's belated bid).

[andicap]

VS,
I wasn't necessarily referring to myself in my above post, but the community at large.

[Tom]

Anyone remember the movie, The Three Faces of Eve?
This thread reminded me of that one.

[Bubbles]

Nah. I think lousycapper's I through IV have that movie reserved. ;)

[Equineer]

Originally posted by andicap
VS,
I wasn't necessarily referring to myself in my above post, but the community at large. I quoted your comments only to re-introduce satire as a topic.

[freeneasy]

ya know itch err i mean scratch.
so what all is it scratchy? whats it all about? your pitch? sum it all up, give it a bottom line.
when i was in the trucking industry hauling freight cross country and id pull into a full-up truck stop for the night, and when after driving around the lot a couple hundred times you finally find an open space to park your rig, you only got one thing on your mind and one thing only. back it, and jack it baby, back it and jack it. so if you love this sight so much and you got something that you cant wait to tell everybody about then back it, jack it and bring it to the table. other then that no ones interested in getting together with someone whos got some kind of a cheapshit game to play.

[ranchwest]

Satiric put-ons are kind and gentle humor without a butt unless someone volunteers their services.

The butt was the one who started the thread, but everyone already knows that to be the case.