You know you've been playing the races too much when....

[midnight]

Your internet friend emails you with: "If you're ever in CT, give me a call at (phone number)"...... and you phone her when you go to Charlestown.

[betchatoo]

A girl asks if you want to get lucky and you think that means hitting a 20-1 shot

[sq764]

Originally posted by midnight
Your internet friend emails you with: "If you're ever in CT, give me a call at (phone number)"...... and you phone her when you go to Charlestown.

When you're wife, who's hated racing since the first day she went with you, asks you why you would play a horse with such a poor jockey trainer combo..

[Dan Montilion]

Re: You know you've been playing the races too much when....

Your butcher asks how much and you respond nine and change.

Your asked the score of a ball game and you respond Ole Miss by three lengths.

You whisper into your lady's ear "the flag is up".

Dan Montilion

[JustRalph]

when your wife has watched TVG so much that she has to bet two bucks across the board on a horse named "Baby Carrots" every time he runs at Balmoral. And she can recite his record for the year and what class he normally runs in.

It is the only horse she has bet all year and she has a better ROI than I do................

[maxwell]

... when you go to the corner store to buy the next day's Racing Form and the guy behind the counter says to you in udder disgust, " Tomorrow is Christmas, Mack!". :D

[Valuist]

When your wife or girlfriend starts talking about "another Storm Cat offspring delaying the start of a race". She's definitely seen too much TVG.

Or when a woman tells you she likes to go all the way and you nod to her and tell her that you like to bet early speed as well.

[cj]

Your wife knows who Les Onaka is, and you don't even bet Quarter Horses!

[Dave Schwartz]

Seriously...

My wife and I go to bed around 11pm. At 11:11 she announces, "Picket fence. Time to turn off the tv."


... Or my wife and I sitting in a theatre waiting for a movie to start. She asks, "How long?" and I respond with "8 minutes to post."


...Or one of my kids gives a little double-talk when asked if his homework is done and my response is "The inquiry sign is lit."


... Or one of my kids wants to go to an all-night concert. As the debate goes on after several "no's" I finally say, "This race is official."


... Or we go to a buffet and, as the kids make a dash from the table to get started I say, "There they go..."


You know, until this thread I never realized how much horse racing insuates into my life. (I think that is the right word.) Really.


Dave

[sq764]

Originally posted by Dave Schwartz
Seriously...

My wife and I go to bed around 11pm. At 11:11 she announces, "Picket fence. Time to turn off the tv."


... Or my wife and I sitting in a theatre waiting for a movie to start. She asks, "How long?" and I respond with "8 minutes to post."


...Or one of my kids gives a little double-talk when asked if his homework is done and my response is "The inquiry sign is lit."


... Or one of my kids wants to go to an all-night concert. As the debate goes on after several "no's" I finally say, "This race is official."


... Or we go to a buffet and, as the kids make a dash from the table to get started I say, "There they go..."


You know, until this thread I never realized how much horse racing insuates into my life. (I think that is the right word.) Really.


Dave

This is so sad, but.... I am a harness guy and for all you harness people, a huge key to winning is catching live cover, then pull the pocket or tripping out 3 wide..

I have been on I-95 driving and have told my wife that I was 'locked in bad', then finally got room and went up the lightning lane.. And sadly, I visualized what it must feel like for the harness driver..

[JustRalph]

Originally posted by Dave Schwartz
Seriously...
My wife and I go to bed around 11pm. At 11:11 she announces, "Picket fence. Time to turn off the tv."
Dave

Dave how about these;

"If I have to see that video of that colt that got hit by lightening one more time"

or

"the races must be over, I am watching those college kids at Hollywood park, and they still only get five out of six"

And yes........my wife knows who Les Onaka is. And she hates Rhonda Collins. But she is glad they got rid of the "english broad" She also thinks Frank Lyon's is sexy. It must be the accent. You know..........maybe I am going to have to turn that damn TV off more..............

[Valuist]

When I walk to work on the crowded sidewalks of Chicago, I often feel I'm a horse in the Kentucky Derby, getting checked and stuck behind tiring, slow coffee drinking, cell phone talking walkers plodding along like 4000 claimers. I'm constantly looking for room. Sometimes the Bailey approach (just go wide to avoid trouble) is the best way to go.

[joeprunes]

Came home one afternoon and my girl was on the bed with her best nitey handed me a rope and said tie me up and do what ever you want. So I tied her up and went to OTB....jp

[Dave Schwartz]

Joe,

Get some help. <G>


Dave

[Valuist]

I thought Joe was going to say he thought she was injured (i.e. a horse "tying up")

[azibuck]

When I (semi-proudly) tell a buddy who's also into horse racing that my 4yo son does a pretty good Tom Durkin.

It's really the jargon that gets ingrained into your vocabulary and you use it outside of horse racing. I've also talked about being in (foot) traffic and tipping it 5-wide. I called in sick a few too many times here at work and was shown the whip. My Dallas Cowboys have finished up the track several times this year.

[wizard_of_odds]

When you have tried everybodies system,Done all the stats,searched and scoured the PP's, Bought and read every "make money at the races" book, you are a real degenerate and need to get a life;)

[stuball]

As I progressed thru my work career I looked froward to retirement....I would see all these studs retiring and going on to the good life on the breeding farm....Well only to find out after I retired there is no demand for $2,500 broken down claimers...
Man was I disappointed.....Well maybe in my next life..

Stuball

[bugboy]

when your kid says,"dad, ya have any loose change for a candy bar" and your reply is"empty pockets, in the 5th"

[Steve 'StatMan']

My sister said "Fabio is going to be in town" and I wondered which race Arguello was in.

Heck, to this day, when I watch a football game, and the announcer says "Jones is a Pro Bowler", I wonder what his average is.

[JustRalph]

Originally posted by Steve'StatMan'BTW
Heck, to this day, when I watch a football game, and the announcer says "Jones is a Pro Bowler", I wonder what his average is.

It took me a minute.........but I got it....... very nice......

[Shacopate]

When driving. If you spot a "fast closing" car coming at you in the left lane and you speed up --- deciding not to let them pass while screaming, "He's got another gear"....

You might be playing the horses to much.

[Steve 'StatMan']

When you're alone and driving along the highway, and decide to test your skills as a racecaller by making a 'call' using the other cars and road signs, you know you're into racing too much.

Big Truck and Green Van nearing the Mile Marker followed by Red Volvo and White Sedan. Green Van moves to the outside he's neck and neck with Big Truck....

[TRM]

You know it's bad when your kids say "Dad are you going to watch that horse racing show again?" meaning TVG.

Happy Turkey Day to all!!!

TRM

[Valuist]

Azibuck-

I think your Cowboys have needed the horse ambulance a few times this season.

[freeneasy]

when you pull into the selfserv gas station walk up to the window and blurt out gimme 20 to win on err aaa i mean 20 on pump one and then kinda look around you to see if anybody caught that. :D

[toetoe]

true story. kevin the red & i used to frequent saul's deli in berkeley. every time we threw money on the table--$20 for a $6 charge--EVERY time the young waitress would ask,"change?" so unprofessionl! so anyhow, we always said, "the stewards have ruled there will be no change." if kev is sweating an inquiry with one of his famous 30/1 shots, i tell him, "relax, it's a saul's -- no change."

[orlando]

hey gents, the best post yet. a lot of laughs.

[Bubbles]

You know you've been watching too much horse racing when, when you think of an all-terrain vehicle, you wonder how it can POSSIBLY do that well on both turf and dirt.

[toetoe]

two racegoers i used to see @ggf -- one had one of those nasai strips, the other a neck brace(part of a disability scam}. EVENTUALLY GAVE THEM UP & were forever dubbed nasal strip off & neck brace off.

[cj]

Since getting a vasectomy, I keep inadvertently putting a (g) after my signature!

[midnight]

You spend a half hour analyzing a race, checking biases, trainer intent, pace, speed, class, form cycles, viewing past races----then change your bet to a horse that isn't in the top three of any of the above because he takes some late action (and of course the horse runs out of the money).

[toetoe]

cj, that is quite an equipment change. are yoe an f.t.g.? after all, it is reversible.

[Overlay]

When I read this thread, I keep thinking of Robert Klein's excellent imitation of the classic track announcer Fred Caposella, where Klein imagines Fred coming home after a day of calling races, and as his wife is putting out the evening meal, saying, "Here comes Mother with the dinner. . . I want the fruit cocktail first, split pea soup second, roast beef third, mashed potatoes fourth, apple pie fifth, and the coffee on the outside sixth!"

[toetoe]

i saw a promo for, "The Wire." thought it was a results show.

[betchatoo]

Coming home tonight I saw a sign that said my exit was in 3/4 of a mile and I thought, "Good, I'm at the 6 furlong marker."

[Valuist]

...when you think about naming your cat, a May 2002 "foal", War Emblem, after the Derby winner of that year.

CJ-

Now that you're in Belgium, do you sign your name "CJ Milkowski (USA) to denote where you were bred?

[Steve 'StatMan']

I'd like to buy an Argentinian Bred foal, so I can name him:

I Want To Scream (ARG) :D

[Valuist]

I'm walking to work today and I've got a new umbrella. It looks like rain but it isn't so I have the stick put away. Of course, I never carry it gripping the handle; I grip it in the middle. As I see my building in the distance, I quicken and fight the urge to wind up and give myself a smack to the right hip and butt, then switch hands and give another Migliore-left handed windmill style smack to the left side. As I approach the building, I wave the stick in front of my face, just to keep my mind on my business.

[toetoe]

valuist, whatever it takes to get yourself to switch leads as you approach the stairs. one ... final ... ex-TEN .. sion.

[Valuist]

Steve-

LOL. Reminds me of a story I heard about the writers of Airplane. Supposedly they bought a yearling and named her Pink. In Pink's first race, they instructed the rider to stay near the rail so they could hear the announcer say "it's Pink on the inside".

[trickey]

when you and your wife are laying in bed at night and she is ready willing and able and you make her yell at the top of her lungs:


"AND DOWN THE STRETCH THEY COME"

to get you excited........lol.....panic

[sq764]

Originally posted by trickey
when you and your wife are laying in bed at night and she is ready willing and able and you make her yell at the top of her lungs:


"AND DOWN THE STRETCH THEY COME"

to get you excited........lol.....panic

When I was going to take the night off from racing and I turn on ESPN only to see Montana vs Sam Houston St in the 1-AA semifinals.. Only to find myself downloading Sam Houston pp's a moment later.

[Zman179]

When you see things in normal life and equate them to DRF chart comments:

Driving along and noticing roadkill on the shoulder: "Flattened out"
Watching a drunk patron trying to prevent his ejection from the bar by a bouncer twice his size: "Challenged, no factor"
Looking at a female at the beach wearing a one-piece swimsuit: "Showed little"

[freeneasy]

your at the track and you rationed your money to last all day but didnt hit nery a race and you walk out ommenting to yourself " broke slow"

[freeneasy]

your wife nips your making a late night pass right there in the bud with a headach and you mumble something like " mm shut off at the start"

[Steve 'StatMan']

I used this joke about a year ago, but it belongs in this thread:

My doctor told me to lose 50 pounds, so I started betting English Racing.

[Valuist]

Your son comes back from his first day of football practice and you ask him what position he plays. "Punter", he tells you. You respond, "a chip off the old block."

[toetoe]

2nd opinion: you're a very ugly man, too.

[Steve 'StatMan']

Ah yes, the old Rodney joke!

Or in England, they might say "and your looks are not very agreeable, old chap".

[kenwoodallpromos]

I'm sure all the jokes concerning European racing have been told. That was the case regardless of how many jokes I came up with about "laying" or "jumping" a filly!
I have been betting too many races when I begin looking at the auxillary gate to see if they are loading any horses I can bet.

[toetoe]

my wife was in the mood. i noticed kidney sweat on her and considered "laying off." celibacy forever & please theboss; please the boss & celibacy forever. HOOwantsitmore? don't know who won it, but i was up in there.

[NoDayJob]

:D You just spent $1.99 for the "Slicker, Quiker, Hoss Piquer" and found out that every handicapper in the world has a copy. :D

NDJ

[freeneasy]

when one of my "super sonic secret systems of the century" works for you and not for me and when i ask you how you got it to work so good you go:p and while your raking in the millions iam raking in the :( blues magoo's

[Tom]

You know you've been playing too long when......

The jocks all point in your direction and laugh during the post parade.

You walk up to the betting window and the clerk has already punched out a ticket on the favorite for you.

You show up 10 minutes late on day and find out they held the first post for you!

[Valuist]

....when you think "Million Dollar Baby" is a documentary about a Godolphin yearling purchase.

[cj]

You send your kids to bed, and holler "They're off" as they head up the stairs.

You charge $200 on your MasterCard, and wake up looking for the $14 rebate in your account!

You speed up just before exiting the highway to just nip the guy on your left before you hit the ramp, all the while pumping the steering wheel.

Your wife asks what's the weather forecast tomorrow, and you say fast and firm.

[cj]

One more...

You number the slugs crawling around on your back patio, watch their works in the early morning hours, then place bets with your friends at the next BBQ. Of course, your slug doesn't run to his works! :(

[betchatoo]

Someone asks about your kids and you say, "I've got 2 colts and a filly"

[Kreed]

THE FUNNIEST by a factor of 100 of any threads. All of U get an A, honest,
TOM & VALUISTS get a spanking A+ ... guys, those 2 need a LONG vacation.
i laughed my firm + round derriere oFF. (i LuV Cappers)

[chrisg]

Came home one afternoon and my girl was on the bed with her best nitey handed me a rope and said tie me up and do what ever you want. So I tied her up and went to OTB....jp


:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[Valuist]

cj-

Now that you're in Belgium, do you sign your name CJ Milkowski (USA) to denote your an American-bred?

[ponyplayer]

While watching the summer olympics, you tell your friends you'll take an exacta on the 3 and 5 in the 100 meter race.

[Steve 'StatMan']

You look at women track & field runners rumps and thighs, just near their shorts, not checking out their booties, but concerned about "kidney sweat".

[pmd62ndst]

Speaking of Oscar nominated films, I thought "Closer" was about a horse with late speed.

PMD

[Tom]

....you read this thread and wonder what is so strange about THAT?!

[Bubbles]

Speaking of Oscar nominated films, I thought "Closer" was about a horse with late speed.

PMD

And I thought "Sideways" was about a horse who couldn't run straight!

[Valuist]

A few movie reviews:

KILL BILL--the story of the controversial ride Bill Shoemaker gave in a Derby in the 50s in which he misjudged the finish line. Needless to say, his backers weren't pleased and chaos ensued. Rated R for graphic violence

LET "IT" RIDE--the story of a transsexual who pursues he/she/its lifelong dream of becoming a jockey. Not rated.

RAY---the story of recently retired rider Ray Sibille. Rated G

POSEIDON ADVENTURE--chronicles a month in the life of SoCal jockey Tyler Baze, and his quest to someday ride on a dry racetrack. Not to wreck the ending but he never realizes his dream. Rated PG for profanity.

EUROPEAN VACATION--How CJ, supposedly "working" over in Europe, manages to get all his pace figures up to date quicker than Beyer gets his numbers yet he's not on the same continent as the tracks he's making figures for. Not rated.

SIDEWAYS--drama about a horse bettor who constantly breaks even. This one will put you to sleep. No stars.

[TrackManSam]

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD...The weather was so bad across the country, every track cancels except Northville Harness and every race is a trot for 2,000 claimers.

TrackManSam
www.ventyourfrustration.com (http://www.ventyourfrustration.com)

[rastajenk]

...when a couple paragraphs on Page Two of the Form is all the World News you need.

[Tom]

....when you bookmark this thread!

[motorhead]

when you see 'FTL" on the waistband of a pair of shorts and "first time lasix" comes to mind before 'fruit of the loom"

[twindouble]

This thread cracked up my wife and I. Some real gems that's for sure. She was quick to point out how we have planned our vacations around being close to a race track. Not funny but true.

[andicap]

In last year's election, if someone asked me what I thought Bush's chances were I would say "a vulnerable favorite."

of course I was in a losing streak at the time.

When I'm driving on the expressway I think of the left-hand lane as the rail and the right-hand lane as being 3-wide. A car going too slow in front of me in the left lane is a "dead piece."

When I ride my exercise bike I rate the workout by whether I was just breezing or going handily.

[Vegas711]

You see someone who is overweight and you say he is 3 wide around the turns.

[NoDayJob]

:D You just bought a used copy of Mike Warren's "System of the Century", (c) 1976, for $0.05 and actually won a $2.60 payout. :D

NDJ [AKA Troll #1]

[Harmonicaslim]

How 'bout when the phone rings, my kid yells, they're off!