ElKabong
11-01-2004, 08:30 PM
The division of the human family into its two distinct political branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, when humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers.
The pivotal event of societal evolution was the invention of beer. This epochal event was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of the bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so it was necessary to stick close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecues and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.
Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade union, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, gay sex (they couldn't feed a female mate if they can't hunt), and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that the conservatives provided.
Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like fruity imported beers (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done (if they eat beef at all). Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Some incorrectly believe that liberals invented the designated hitter rule in baseball because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat. However this is a fallacy because most liberals never played, and few understand "that brutish" game because they were never picked for a team when their childhood peers split up into groups to play.
Conservatives drink domestic beer or German beer with really cool, tough sounding names. British beers are acceptable if either dark or rate 12+ out of 10 on the hops scale. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber jacks, construction workers, oil field workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works a dangerous job or productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the
Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends this short lesson in world history.
The pivotal event of societal evolution was the invention of beer. This epochal event was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of the bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so it was necessary to stick close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecues and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.
Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade union, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, gay sex (they couldn't feed a female mate if they can't hunt), and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that the conservatives provided.
Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like fruity imported beers (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done (if they eat beef at all). Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Some incorrectly believe that liberals invented the designated hitter rule in baseball because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat. However this is a fallacy because most liberals never played, and few understand "that brutish" game because they were never picked for a team when their childhood peers split up into groups to play.
Conservatives drink domestic beer or German beer with really cool, tough sounding names. British beers are acceptable if either dark or rate 12+ out of 10 on the hops scale. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber jacks, construction workers, oil field workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works a dangerous job or productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the
Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends this short lesson in world history.