Teach
02-05-2017, 02:17 PM
“My son’s failing and you’re to blame,” the woman angrily said. Frankly, I was taken aback. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even know the woman. All I knew was that her son was one of my students.
It was Parents Night at our inner-city Boston high school. Throngs of parents had arrived to hear presentations about such topics as: curriculum, methodologies, grading, etc.
The school policy was that after each teacher made their presentation, parents could then come up to the teacher and make a brief comment or ask a short question; however, there was no time for lengthy discussions about individual students.
In fact, there was a sign-up booklet on each teacher’s desk. If parents had concerns about their child’s progress, they could write their name, their child’s name and a telephone number into the booklet so that the teacher could get back to them.
Well, it was during this signing up process that the woman confronted me and blamed me for her son’s poor grade.
I recall that I told the parent that didn’t have time at that moment to discuss her son’s progress, but I’d be happy to get back to her if she left her name in the book.
Later that evening, after all the parents had left, I sat down with my friend Joe, the school psychologist, to talk about the incident.
In the course of our conversation, I told Joe that the student in question had ability, but that he was not working up to his potential. This particular student had done poorly on many tests and was missing several homework assignments. In fact, I had met with the student after class to try to find out if there were a problem, or if he needed extra help. He never took me up on my offer for extra help.
Joe then said to me, “Walt, as far as the mother’s comments are concerned, it sounds to me like a classic example of “projection”. I replied, “Joe, I’ve heard of “projection,” but I don’t know that much about it. Could you fill me in?”
Well, Joe continued, “I don’t want to sound too technical, but psychological projection is when people defend themselves against their own subconscious qualities or characteristics by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others.”
I then said, “Could you give me a couple examples?” Joe replied, “Let’s take an unfaithful husband who accuses his wife of infidelity. Or, a woman who’s attracted to a co-worker, yet she accuses him of making sexual advances.”
Joe then continued, “To deal honestly and authentically with other people, avoid projecting your woes onto them. When you see others in a negative light, think: are you projecting? Also, understand that when others are criticizing you, they may well be criticizing a projection of themselves.” I then said, “I think I get it, Joe.”
Before we parted company, Joe said, “In the case of the student’s mother who criticized you this evening at ‘Open House’, she was likely projecting her own unacceptable qualities on to you. It has everything to do with her own failure as a parent to make sure that her son was living up to his academic ability.”
It was Parents Night at our inner-city Boston high school. Throngs of parents had arrived to hear presentations about such topics as: curriculum, methodologies, grading, etc.
The school policy was that after each teacher made their presentation, parents could then come up to the teacher and make a brief comment or ask a short question; however, there was no time for lengthy discussions about individual students.
In fact, there was a sign-up booklet on each teacher’s desk. If parents had concerns about their child’s progress, they could write their name, their child’s name and a telephone number into the booklet so that the teacher could get back to them.
Well, it was during this signing up process that the woman confronted me and blamed me for her son’s poor grade.
I recall that I told the parent that didn’t have time at that moment to discuss her son’s progress, but I’d be happy to get back to her if she left her name in the book.
Later that evening, after all the parents had left, I sat down with my friend Joe, the school psychologist, to talk about the incident.
In the course of our conversation, I told Joe that the student in question had ability, but that he was not working up to his potential. This particular student had done poorly on many tests and was missing several homework assignments. In fact, I had met with the student after class to try to find out if there were a problem, or if he needed extra help. He never took me up on my offer for extra help.
Joe then said to me, “Walt, as far as the mother’s comments are concerned, it sounds to me like a classic example of “projection”. I replied, “Joe, I’ve heard of “projection,” but I don’t know that much about it. Could you fill me in?”
Well, Joe continued, “I don’t want to sound too technical, but psychological projection is when people defend themselves against their own subconscious qualities or characteristics by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others.”
I then said, “Could you give me a couple examples?” Joe replied, “Let’s take an unfaithful husband who accuses his wife of infidelity. Or, a woman who’s attracted to a co-worker, yet she accuses him of making sexual advances.”
Joe then continued, “To deal honestly and authentically with other people, avoid projecting your woes onto them. When you see others in a negative light, think: are you projecting? Also, understand that when others are criticizing you, they may well be criticizing a projection of themselves.” I then said, “I think I get it, Joe.”
Before we parted company, Joe said, “In the case of the student’s mother who criticized you this evening at ‘Open House’, she was likely projecting her own unacceptable qualities on to you. It has everything to do with her own failure as a parent to make sure that her son was living up to his academic ability.”