Man o' War
11-05-2015, 11:26 PM
I’m Man o’ War and I’m the keeper of MY institution, and I was down here from heaven twice this past week to read what you all think about this supposed new phenom and how he should stand here with us immortals. God forced me to do this because when he allowed me to form my own club of champions up there in horse heaven back in 1947, his one stipulation was that anytime the rumblings from the demented horseplayers of the world are about one of his new creations and was loud enough to rattle the cage doors of my exclusive club, then I needed to release 7 of its current members by the end of the year (He allowed me to withhold 2 who I think worthy), reevaluate them all over again, to give the new guy a chance and then welcome the new or reelected to the club, living or dead by 2016. We usually have a seat waiting for the living till they pass away. I am only allowed 10 members including myself. What? Some of you think I don’t belong in my own club? I’m God’s first chosen, I’m the one He relies on to keep the standard up, so shut up.
Before I arrived here this past Saturday, I actually grumbled with God about His rules for the first time ever with Him earlier this year when the recent exploits of that young fella called American Pharoah caught my attention and made me anxious because I knew what I might have to go through at the end of this year. What kind of name is that anyway? Pharoah?, The guys who are my current members have hard/tough names. Pharoah sounds too soft for me. That’s a little strike on him already I thought. So I asked God “Why do this thing again when I’m already satisfied with my group and know who my buddies are? And vetting a hundred or so of the great horses of North America all over again is so time consuming and why do I have to go to Earth?” He said “I’ve noticed you’ve been playing favorites and becoming biased with who you let in your club, I remember you didn’t even contemplate Zenyatta’s status for a seat because she’s a mare even though you gave me the impression you were going to do that back in 2010. You need some other horseplayer’s opinions and a new perspective. And besides, it’s your punishment for picking on Cigar all the time. You and Citation are always snickering and teasing Cigar too much all the time. Look at him sulking in the corner there all by himself. Before you leave for Earth to check out what they are saying, I want you to apologize to him and also tell CY to stop it already”. With my head bowed I said OK and then I asked. ‘Well where should I go, who should I talk to? He said, “Maybe you should check out that PA website and read what the guys are saying there and weigh their opinions before you make your decisions. It seems that guy, dilanesp over there seems to know a lot about the history of you guys and there’s a bunch of very knowledgeable horseplayers there that will tell you everything and anything you would want to know.” Sometimes more than you want to know, I silently thought…. before bowing to him again and left for Earth.
When I got back to heaven Tuesday to disclose my findings to God, He asked “Well how did it go?” And I questioned His judgement again (for the 2nd time this year which never happened before) and said “Have you seen the site lately? Even PA, the administrator there acknowledged that he couldn’t believe the stuff he was reading online. But God slammed me back down again and said “Enough! Have you access to this site?” I said “Yeah, but I lost it later because some wise guy there named Thaskalos wanted me to leave because I stirred up some trouble. But then he gave me permission to come back on after I sweet talked him” That’s when God disgustedly said “Did Cy have anything to do with this and were you guys dissing Cigar on line again or was it about the kid? (God actually used the word ‘diss’) I was stumbling for my words to answer Him but thankfully I think He already knew the answer and just shouted “Leave me now and go back down there and do your job correctly this time”
So I started trotting toward the Heaven’s Gate for the 2nd time in a week and when I got there, this time, I stopped and turned around and pondered the scene before I left. A pretty cool place up here in horse heaven. Horseplay (if you know what I mean) is not allowed or doable, but I got my fill back in the days so I don’t mind. Whoa, right now Dr Fager is teaching Damascus how to dance. Wouldn’t you know they became best buddies. And poor Count Fleet slumping over there, he looks so sad now because every time after a year like this happens, he thinks he’s the one that’s going to be bumped from the club, no one mentions his name anymore, so sad. Damn, and there’s that f***ing Upset. Always has that smirk when we pass each other up here. Can’t believe God gave this guy a room. Didn’t the lord see that the starter started the race when I was facing the wrong way? And, that Upset is dishonest and a crook and was the instigator of all this and paid the starter off? A damned conspiracy! Where was that EMD4ME guy back then when I needed him?
I better leave now before I really get worked up!
Well after being down here for the second time in a week, I got all the info I needed from you guys and I need go back to heaven now to do the vetting process with Secretariat and Citation before the end of this year. But before I leave, you may be curious to know what happened to those 2 when they first came up to heaven to meet with me…so here’s the inside scoop of my election committee members...
1. Secretariat (Would you believe the SOB was trying to start his own club without me if I didn’t name him top gun when he first came here? (that’s why he’s listed first here but not because he’s better than me) He came in so arrogant and cocky, intimidating all the other horses and they WERE intimidated, so I asked him to race with me to humble him a bit, but he tells me my times are too slow to even have the privilege. I told him “You try running with steel shoes and the kind of track surfaces I ran on back in my time and see what you can do with that!”(wishing at the same time that the guy on earth I heard about, Andy Beyer was here for this). He laughs and looks as if he knows that I may have a point, but doesn’t relent (it figures with him) and tells me anyway that if I don’t put him #1 he’s asking God for his own club. I knowingly knew God wouldn’t let him do that especially since there’s an International club here also and I know He would think one North American club was enough, but me, not wanting to play hard ball with Secretariat in the interest of harmony for the club, I gave him the top spot. Doesn’t mean anything to me really anyway because my reputation is already legendary here and anyway I needed him on my team in heaven to kick those European asses we face every year. Our relationship has always been a little frosty though, because this guy wants to dominate heaven like he did on Earth. We don’t talk to each other much…
2. Man o’ War (I’m His 1st favorite and the CEO of the club so any questions?)
3. Citation (28 years after I conquered the world, he comes along and tries to stir up the masses AND my status as the King. Another cocky one, but this one I got under control because he accepted my offer to race with me and I kicked his ass, well, not really kicked it, because the son of a gun was on my right flank the whole 1 ½ miles around heaven’s track, but I did end up winning the race. That never happened to me before, a horse keeping up with me like that till the end, I was always easing in my races. He made me run the race of my life or death for that matter. Any horse that can do that to me deserves my recognition and an eternal membership in my club. After that race he did become a little more humble because of the loss, even more so when Secretariat arrived later so we’re very good friends now, but that CY, he still likes to pick on Cigar…
Well, till the next Great Phenom, stay safe everyone… ;)
Before I arrived here this past Saturday, I actually grumbled with God about His rules for the first time ever with Him earlier this year when the recent exploits of that young fella called American Pharoah caught my attention and made me anxious because I knew what I might have to go through at the end of this year. What kind of name is that anyway? Pharoah?, The guys who are my current members have hard/tough names. Pharoah sounds too soft for me. That’s a little strike on him already I thought. So I asked God “Why do this thing again when I’m already satisfied with my group and know who my buddies are? And vetting a hundred or so of the great horses of North America all over again is so time consuming and why do I have to go to Earth?” He said “I’ve noticed you’ve been playing favorites and becoming biased with who you let in your club, I remember you didn’t even contemplate Zenyatta’s status for a seat because she’s a mare even though you gave me the impression you were going to do that back in 2010. You need some other horseplayer’s opinions and a new perspective. And besides, it’s your punishment for picking on Cigar all the time. You and Citation are always snickering and teasing Cigar too much all the time. Look at him sulking in the corner there all by himself. Before you leave for Earth to check out what they are saying, I want you to apologize to him and also tell CY to stop it already”. With my head bowed I said OK and then I asked. ‘Well where should I go, who should I talk to? He said, “Maybe you should check out that PA website and read what the guys are saying there and weigh their opinions before you make your decisions. It seems that guy, dilanesp over there seems to know a lot about the history of you guys and there’s a bunch of very knowledgeable horseplayers there that will tell you everything and anything you would want to know.” Sometimes more than you want to know, I silently thought…. before bowing to him again and left for Earth.
When I got back to heaven Tuesday to disclose my findings to God, He asked “Well how did it go?” And I questioned His judgement again (for the 2nd time this year which never happened before) and said “Have you seen the site lately? Even PA, the administrator there acknowledged that he couldn’t believe the stuff he was reading online. But God slammed me back down again and said “Enough! Have you access to this site?” I said “Yeah, but I lost it later because some wise guy there named Thaskalos wanted me to leave because I stirred up some trouble. But then he gave me permission to come back on after I sweet talked him” That’s when God disgustedly said “Did Cy have anything to do with this and were you guys dissing Cigar on line again or was it about the kid? (God actually used the word ‘diss’) I was stumbling for my words to answer Him but thankfully I think He already knew the answer and just shouted “Leave me now and go back down there and do your job correctly this time”
So I started trotting toward the Heaven’s Gate for the 2nd time in a week and when I got there, this time, I stopped and turned around and pondered the scene before I left. A pretty cool place up here in horse heaven. Horseplay (if you know what I mean) is not allowed or doable, but I got my fill back in the days so I don’t mind. Whoa, right now Dr Fager is teaching Damascus how to dance. Wouldn’t you know they became best buddies. And poor Count Fleet slumping over there, he looks so sad now because every time after a year like this happens, he thinks he’s the one that’s going to be bumped from the club, no one mentions his name anymore, so sad. Damn, and there’s that f***ing Upset. Always has that smirk when we pass each other up here. Can’t believe God gave this guy a room. Didn’t the lord see that the starter started the race when I was facing the wrong way? And, that Upset is dishonest and a crook and was the instigator of all this and paid the starter off? A damned conspiracy! Where was that EMD4ME guy back then when I needed him?
I better leave now before I really get worked up!
Well after being down here for the second time in a week, I got all the info I needed from you guys and I need go back to heaven now to do the vetting process with Secretariat and Citation before the end of this year. But before I leave, you may be curious to know what happened to those 2 when they first came up to heaven to meet with me…so here’s the inside scoop of my election committee members...
1. Secretariat (Would you believe the SOB was trying to start his own club without me if I didn’t name him top gun when he first came here? (that’s why he’s listed first here but not because he’s better than me) He came in so arrogant and cocky, intimidating all the other horses and they WERE intimidated, so I asked him to race with me to humble him a bit, but he tells me my times are too slow to even have the privilege. I told him “You try running with steel shoes and the kind of track surfaces I ran on back in my time and see what you can do with that!”(wishing at the same time that the guy on earth I heard about, Andy Beyer was here for this). He laughs and looks as if he knows that I may have a point, but doesn’t relent (it figures with him) and tells me anyway that if I don’t put him #1 he’s asking God for his own club. I knowingly knew God wouldn’t let him do that especially since there’s an International club here also and I know He would think one North American club was enough, but me, not wanting to play hard ball with Secretariat in the interest of harmony for the club, I gave him the top spot. Doesn’t mean anything to me really anyway because my reputation is already legendary here and anyway I needed him on my team in heaven to kick those European asses we face every year. Our relationship has always been a little frosty though, because this guy wants to dominate heaven like he did on Earth. We don’t talk to each other much…
2. Man o’ War (I’m His 1st favorite and the CEO of the club so any questions?)
3. Citation (28 years after I conquered the world, he comes along and tries to stir up the masses AND my status as the King. Another cocky one, but this one I got under control because he accepted my offer to race with me and I kicked his ass, well, not really kicked it, because the son of a gun was on my right flank the whole 1 ½ miles around heaven’s track, but I did end up winning the race. That never happened to me before, a horse keeping up with me like that till the end, I was always easing in my races. He made me run the race of my life or death for that matter. Any horse that can do that to me deserves my recognition and an eternal membership in my club. After that race he did become a little more humble because of the loss, even more so when Secretariat arrived later so we’re very good friends now, but that CY, he still likes to pick on Cigar…
Well, till the next Great Phenom, stay safe everyone… ;)