She was outed by a classmate at Duke.

[Grits]

This isn't about a gay person, though, she is bisexual. Its about a young coed at Duke University. Her classmate outed her when he saw her likeness, he thought, in a porn film. He asked her about it, and she confided to him the truth. He ran and told everyone he knew before dawn.

Everywhere on the local news one is hearing her story. Everywhere on FaceBook, on Twitter, in that rag--The New York Daily News, etc, etc.

From a family, obviously well off, her father, a doctor, she was concerned about the burden the 60K per year tuition was placing on her family for her to attend Duke, her dream school. She decided to pay for her education doing what she loves while doing it in porn films.

http://www.dukechronicle.com/articles/2014/02/14/portrait-porn-star

Read and then listen to her comments. In the story, she boasts, mightly, about her prowess, her worldliness, her feminist ways and her strong feminist beliefs. "I'm not like them, I don't fit in". She knocks other female students at Duke as close minded (that would be a real big joke, gentlemen.) Too she knocks those who wait tables, subservient to others...stuck in a blue collar jobs. All at low wages.

She's grown up, she's a woman making her own way, her own decisions... Yet, somehow, in spite of her adamant confidence in herself, she continues to lie to her family, to her parents, to her siblings.

She can't bring herself to tell those who love her the most.

Why not? Maybe... she's not so grown up after all.

She's still a child. And she will soon be, I feel, a sad one.

[Stillriledup]

Maybe because society frowns on that type "job".

[HUSKER55]

Personally, the man that spread the word would be on my list of people to never hire. Real men do not behave like that.

The fact that the university took the stance they did would put Duke on my list of suspects to check twice.

[fast4522]

There are good girls, and similarly there are bad girls.
Just because a girl is bad it does not mean that she is a whore.
When they bang the gang for money is when that becomes the definition of what she is that will follow her for the rest of her life.
Someone will always out such a person, you can not expect they will not.
The very same can be said of men, everyone knows what they are doing when they cross that line.

[Clocker]

She was outed by a classmate at Duke.

The guy was a jerk, but the outcome was inevitable. In the open society of the internet, what she did was going to be public knowledge sooner or later.

Except for the personal satisfaction of having a degree from Duke, the way she paid for it negates the social or economic value of the degree. Right or wrong, public moral judgement is what it is, and she showed a total lack of common sense or grasp of reality. It is not clear what her goals were, but from most perspectives, she would have been better off waiting tables and getting a degree from a local community college.

[Grits]

The guy was a jerk, but the outcome was inevitable. In the open society of the internet, what she did was going to be public knowledge sooner or later.

Except for the personal satisfaction of having a degree from Duke, the way she paid for it negates the social or economic value of the degree. Right or wrong, public moral judgement is what it is, and she showed a total lack of common sense or grasp of reality. It is not clear what her goals were, but from most perspectives, she would have been better off waiting tables and getting a degree from a local community college.

Clocker, you've stated my thoughts so well. I've read the article three times. She's a perfect candidate for sociology study. You can see her start out so defiant and with each interview, her defiance becomes questionable. She's not as confident, she's simply human. Like the rest of us. Flawed.

Further, last night she was interviewed on the local late news with her face blurred, though everyone in the Durham, Raleigh, Chapel Hill region and beyond knows who she is. She cannot comprehend that people are "mean". That they are saying mean things, to, and about, her.

She asks, "what gives people the right to be mean to someone?"

It happens every minute, sweetheart, you made it all the way to Duke University and you didn't know this?

If meanness were a profession? It would be the second oldest one. I've got a gut feeling she's not familiar with the first.

.... Clocker, I don't think this will end well. Unless, that is, she becomes the next Linda Lovelace.

[Clocker]

She's a perfect candidate for sociology study.

She cannot comprehend that people are "mean". That they are saying mean things, to, and about, her.



She is reflective of the sociology of her peers. She is part of the trophy generation, where everyone gets an award for showing up, and no one is responsible for their actions.

It is apparently just starting to dawn on her that she screwed up, but she still wants to rationalize it and blame the consequences on others.

[thaskalos]

These are the rebels...who are in search of true freedom in a robotic world. They don't follow society's rules...nor do they apologize for their defiant transgressions. It's THEIR life, damn it, and they should be free to do what they want with it. After all...whom are they hurting but themselves?

It's easy to strike at society by refusing to submit to its rules. But can you handle it when society strikes back?

[JustRalph]

Innocent until proven guilty

Somebody post the video!!!!!

[Steve 'StatMan']

I'm just glad for her that she's not majoring in Education. Read stories about 2 women who did porn and became teachers and got fired when their past career was figured out. Don't like that they got fired, but in one case, I found the video online, and with what was said and done (I know, not necessarily what the actor or actress really wants or feels) there was no way that woman could ever control a class with adolecent males. Maybe adult eduation at the community college level, but kids, no way.

[NJ Stinks]

No doubt this is a parent's nightmare. They have my sympathy.

[Grits]

It keeps getting worse, the more she talks. .... SMH

The child has been at Duke less than a year. She can leave tomorrow. Graduating with "her personhood" and four year degree in STUPID. She really does need to get on with her porn job and shut up. :blush:

You wrote in your xoJane essay about how unfair it is that women carry the full moral burden of sexuality, so I wanted to talk about the guy who outed you to a fraternity. It seems like he’s the one who morally transgressed, here.
I begged him not to tell anybody. We went to a party that same night, and he got really drunk. I wasn’t with him when he told all the people. He knew I didn’t want people knowing, but he told people. Immediately after I realized that he told people, I told him, “You have just ruined my life,” and I completely meant that. I’m not sure he understands the gravity of what he did. That being said, nobody deserves to be harassed and I don’t want people to harass or threaten him. I think he needs to take personal responsibility and come to terms with it and that’s his thing. We were friends, but I will never talk to him again. He forgot my personhood and my humanity for the sake of spreading a juicy rumor, for the sake of saying, “I’m friends with a porn star.”

"I’m not very fun to go to parties with. All my friends are getting drunk and when guys are hitting on them I’m always saying, “You better not rape her, you better not take advantage of her.”

http://nymag.com/thecut/2014/02/qa-the-duke-freshman-porn-star.html

[Robert Goren]

Someplace on the list of things I learn from my dad. You can NEVER do anything and expect it to be secret for very long.

[Clocker]

Someplace on the list of things I learn from my dad. You can NEVER do anything and expect it to be secret for very long.

And I assume that was long before Google and Face Book.

[mountainman]

She owes no explanation to society or academia. Since when have loose morals and higher learning been mutually exclusive? At the root of this whole cause celebre is the subtly misguided notion that education is somehow sacred (that can somehow be tarnished). It's not, nor should it be. But the RIGHT to an education is indeed sacred. And it would appear this young lady took the initiative to afford herself that right.

Want to stir taboo behavior, unworthiness of higher learning, and irredeemable sins of the flesh into a truly reprehensible blend? Try Jameis Winston. And if he weren't an athlete, would we even have HEARD about HIS alleged misconduct?

Better yet, if some anonymous male student had contributed to HIS education by doing the nasty on film, would ANYbody care?????????????????????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????? Sexism at work.

[HUSKER55]

how things have changed. When I was a kid, my cousin who lived in Colorado, had a teacher who did a spread for playboy. As he put it, she was easy on the eyes and a good teacher.

What a difference 40 years makes.

The nation has gone from "who does a good job" to how you do your job doesn't matter, it is where you came from.

Ever wonder how many of these high faluten types are just plain jealous?

[boxcar]

Clocker, you've stated my thoughts so well. I've read the article three times. She's a perfect candidate for sociology study. You can see her start out so defiant and with each interview, her defiance becomes questionable. She's not as confident, she's simply human. Like the rest of us. Flawed.

Further, last night she was interviewed on the local late news with her face blurred, though everyone in the Durham, Raleigh, Chapel Hill region and beyond knows who she is. She cannot comprehend that people are "mean". That they are saying mean things, to, and about, her.

She asks, "what gives people the right to be mean to someone?"

It happens every minute, sweetheart, you made it all the way to Duke University and you didn't know this?

If meanness were a profession? It would be the second oldest one. I've got a gut feeling she's not familiar with the first.

.... Clocker, I don't think this will end well. Unless, that is, she becomes the next Linda Lovelace.

I wonder who gave her the "right" to think for a second that her immoral behavior would not be universally accepted. Why would she think that everyone else's moral compass would be in sync with hers? After all, since she has been carefully living a double life and hiding her line of work from her parents, she had to know that there would be more in the world who would think as her folks apparently do.

Deep down, she knows that what she is doing is wrong and shameful, which is why she has concealed that part of her life from her folks. But she likes the easy money, so she won't quit. The rewards trump moral values.

Boxcar

[jballscalls]

h


The nation has gone from "who does a good job" to how you do your job doesn't matter, it is where you came from.



Can you explain this a little more? Wasn't sure what you meant by "where you came from? Do you mean like nepotism?

[Actor]

I wonder who gave her the "right" to think for a second that her immoral behavior would not be universally accepted. Why would she think that everyone else's moral compass would be in sync with hers? After all, since she has been carefully living a double life and hiding her line of work from her parents, she had to know that there would be more in the world who would think as her folks apparently do.

Deep down, she knows that what she is doing is wrong and shameful, which is why she has concealed that part of her life from her folks. But she likes the easy money, so she won't quit. The rewards trump moral values.

BoxcarThe porn industry exists because there is a demand for it.

There is a demand for it because it is forbidden fruit.

It's forbidden fruit because historically women have been considered property.

Women now have the vote but are still considered property.

Once women are no longer considered property porn will no longer be forbidden fruit.

Once it is no longer forbidden fruit demand will decrease.

Then there will be no porn.

It will never go away but there will come a time when it is no big deal.

[thaskalos]

The porn industry exists because there is a demand for it.

There is a demand for it because it is forbidden fruit.

It's forbidden fruit because historically women have been considered property.

Women now have the vote but are still considered property.

Once women are no longer considered property porn will no longer be forbidden fruit.

Once it is no longer forbidden fruit demand will decrease.

Then there will be no porn.

It will never go away but there will come a time when it is no big deal.
What makes you think that only forbidden fruit are in demand?

[mountainman]

I wonder who gave her the "right" to think for a second that her immoral behavior would not be universally accepted.
Boxcar

Being born affords her that particular "right" sir. (And lots of other rights that some posters seem uncomfortable with) It's not my place to pass moral judgement on anybody, much less a 20 year old woman with a sex drive, set of ambitions, and moral compass I can't relate to.

Furthermore, how many among us have not done something , someplace, sometime that would cause us considerable embarrassment, if not outright shame, were it exposed?? I know I have. In spades. And more than once. Things that make her look like Mary Poppins. Egregious sins and misconduct that I learned from and moved on.

[iceknight]

morality is subjective. let us take the case of "gambling", *my parents* do not know that I wager on horses, nor am I comfortable telling them that (yet) and am well well outside my 20's. The fact is that they just think any amount of gambling on regular basis (even when you may have a positive roi) is considered by them as a "sin"/immoral activity. Consequently, I have never cared to tell them and nor do a lot of my friends know, but all my girlfriends have known fairly early on. Besides, most of the wagering I do is by computer and my race track visits have been few and far between and mostly on large stakes days so if people care to think, all they would see is someone going for "entertainment".

Some parents consider their kids dating outside the race as something immoral.

Further, a sizeable section of the society looks/have looked at porn at some stage of their life or the other, but they always keep it under wraps. No one talks about it. So for people to make sweeping judgements about others (esp this girl and her happiness or sadness, or her choice to be on the supply side of porn industry as a legal age adult) while they may have been on the demand side of the equation, is not ok.

[PhantomOnTour]

The first generation of Americans who were "raised on porn" are starting to become adults.
When you and I were young we didn't have access to porn like we do today.
And we certainly didn't have any access to the full on 24-7-365 freaky deeky things one can find on the internet.

It's no wonder older folks see sex and the sex industry in a totally different light from younger folks.
Kids can get a masters degree in sex education on the internet, and most of them do....I surely would have done the same.

Sadly for this girl; the older folks still run the real world, and she will suffer the consequences of what she's done. Be it good, bad or indifferent.
She is an adult who made a decision - fully within her rights, no one was hurt, no crimes were committed.
I hope she realizes that prospective employers of hers have the right to make a decision too...the decision not to hire her.

[boxcar]

Being born affords her that particular "right" sir. (And lots of other rights that some posters seem uncomfortable with) It's not my place to pass moral judgement on anybody, much less a 20 year old woman with a sex drive, set of ambitions, and moral compass I can't relate to.

Furthermore, how many among us have not done something , someplace, sometime that would cause us considerable embarrassment, if not outright shame, were it exposed?? I know I have. In spades. And more than once. Things that make her look like Mary Poppins. Egregious sins and misconduct that I learned from and moved on.

No one is born with any right to immunity from any kind of backlash judgment for personal behavior. While, no self-respecting guy would do to this gal what he did, regardless of his personal views on pornography, nonetheless she has absolutely no right to expect that everyone under the sun would rubber stamp their approval on her behavior. This young woman certainly didn't expect her parents to approve, did she?

This is, yet, another example of the biblical principle which we see at work so often in this dark world -- "one reaps what they sow". Her sin which she has carefully sown in secret is now in danger of being reaped publicly -- quite possibly before the eyes of her parents.

Boxcar

[Greyfox]

morality is subjective. let us take the case of "gambling", *my parents* do not know that I wager on horses, nor am I comfortable telling them that (yet) and am well well outside my 20's. The fact is that they just think any amount of gambling on regular basis (even when you may have a positive roi) is considered by them as a "sin"/immoral activity. Consequently, I have never cared to tell them and nor do a lot of my friends know, .

Really.

I once knew a man from Wisconsin, a Lawyer no less.
He was close to 40 years of age.
One day I had to go to his house for a reason I've long forgotten.
His Mom was visiting.
When I came over to his house one day, he took me aside and said
"Don't mention anything about a beer or anything. My Mom is here and I don't want her to know that I ever drink."
So I never mentioned anything and we went out to his garage and he offered me a beer, which I didn't bother having.
Upon leaving, I thought "This guy has to grow up."
Iceknight - I'm going to say the same to you. Come out of the closet with respect to gambling.
Otherwise, you are living a phoney life, in part. I mean, even your friends don't know.
C'mon. "Grow up."
If you are truly ashamed of gambling on horses, why are you doing it?
Whatever you do in life, you should be proud of it.
(Not saying that I haven't done a lot of things in life that I'm ashamed of as I look back in the rear view mirror.)
You'll sleep better at night as the years go on.

Greyfox

[iceknight]

Really.
Come out of the closet with respect to gambling.
Otherwise, you are living a phoney life, in part.
GreyfoxYou are taking some wide liberties with use of words like closet, phoney (you british?), sleep better etc., when you don't know much about me except for one paragraph quoted in another context. I've been playing for only 3-4 years and some friends know, but some of them have stuck up views, so I don't care to discuss my passion with many new friends anymore. Because of their ingrained views of "cheating in races, you will lose it all at the track etc mentality" I don't care to share with newer friends in a rush. Interestingly some of these friends lose money playing penny stocks, go figure. wrt parents, I just know their view on this subject from when I was 15-16 and I myself had similar views till a few years back so I see it as futile discussing this with them specifically. In the larger scheme of things, gambling is way lower than some of the other things I had to go against their wishes and bigoted views so I grew up enough then. I appreciate your concern about my sleep, but tempurpedic takes care of it. :lol:

[Greyfox]

You are taking some wide liberties with use of words like closet, phoney (you british?), sleep better etc., when you don't know much about me except for one paragraph quoted in another context. I've been playing for only 3-4 years and some friends know, but some of them have stuck up views, so I don't care to discuss my passion with many new friends anymore. Because of their ingrained views of "cheating in races, you will lose it all at the track etc mentality" I don't care to share with newer friends in a rush. Interestingly some of these friends lose money playing penny stocks, go figure. wrt parents, I just know their view on this subject from when I was 15-16 and I myself had similar views till a few years back so I see it as futile discussing this with them specifically. In the larger scheme of things, gambling is way lower than some of the other things I had to go against their wishes and bigoted views so I grew up enough then. I appreciate your concern about my sleep, but tempurpedic takes care of it. :lol:

Wishing all the best to you Iceknight. :ThmbUp:

Greyfox

[davew]

Maybe because society frowns on that type "job".

If society did not have a demand, there would be no need for supply.

I would think there are hundreds of exotic dancers this week using tips to help pay their college education.

[iceknight]

Wishing all the best to you Iceknight. :ThmbUp:

Greyfox Thank you Greyfox. You really like using formatting! I will use that luck for wagering on the derby preps then :)

[thaskalos]

You are taking some wide liberties with use of words like closet, phoney (you british?), sleep better etc., when you don't know much about me except for one paragraph quoted in another context. I've been playing for only 3-4 years and some friends know, but some of them have stuck up views, so I don't care to discuss my passion with many new friends anymore. Because of their ingrained views of "cheating in races, you will lose it all at the track etc mentality" I don't care to share with newer friends in a rush. Interestingly some of these friends lose money playing penny stocks, go figure. wrt parents, I just know their view on this subject from when I was 15-16 and I myself had similar views till a few years back so I see it as futile discussing this with them specifically. In the larger scheme of things, gambling is way lower than some of the other things I had to go against their wishes and bigoted views so I grew up enough then. I appreciate your concern about my sleep, but tempurpedic takes care of it. :lol:

Don't feel bad, Iceknight. If it'll make you feel any better...my mother doesn't know that I gamble as much as I do, either. She will call me some nights when I am at the OTB...and I'll tell her that I am out shopping, instead of telling her that I am out gambling. So...she'll proceed to give me a shopping list of her own for me to deliver to her home.

There have been more than a few nights when I've wandered the neighborhoods looking for a place that sells rib lamb chops and Greek feta cheese, at 10:00 PM.

[TJDave]

She will call me some nights when I am at the OTB...and I'll tell her that I am out shopping

Does she ever ask why the supermarket would be broadcasting the races? ;)

[iceknight]

Don't feel bad, Iceknight. Thanks for the shout out, but I don't feel bad at all. Also I play mostly on ADWs and I watch only a small percentage of my bets during the race/live on screen. But just as some other posters here were saying that this girl (the duke student) would be leading a "sad life", others are also quick to assume.

I am more interested in your upcoming book. Let's talk about that! Approx when? before the Derby ? before breeders cup? Are you going to time the release of the book? :ThmbUp:

[thaskalos]

Thanks for the shout out, but I don't feel bad at all. Also I play mostly on ADWs and I watch only a small percentage of my bets during the race/live on screen. But just as some other posters here were saying that this girl (the duke student) would be leading a "sad life", others are also quick to assume.

I am more interested in your upcoming book. Let's talk about that! Approx when? before the Derby ? before breeders cup? Are you going to time the release of the book? :ThmbUp:

The book is titled...THE INNER GAME OF GAMBLING: At the track and beyond... and it's scheduled for a summer release. There will, of course, be complimentary copies available for all my Paceadvantage friends.

If it weren't for this board...the book would never have been written.

[Tom]

A book?
Cool, Thask! :ThmbUp:

[NJ Stinks]

This discussion about telling or not telling certain people about one's inclination to gamble reminds me of a situation I found myself in a long time ago....

I met my wife in Manhattan. Six months later I went to London to visit her and her parents. (It was my first trip to Europe.) On the second day there I'm sitting in the living room talking to my future father-in-law (I wasn't engaged yet). He points to an old guy across the street who is closing his front door. The guy dashes down the street at a pretty good clip. With obvious disdain, future f-i-l tells me the old guy is running around the corner to lose his money in a bookie shop.

So now I have a problem. I had no idea England had bookie shops at the time and I really wanted to ask f-i-l for specific directions! :jump:

But I didn't. I didn't say anything. :(

Later that day when alone with future wife, I told her about my dilemma. I told her I wanted her father to like me and I didn't feel right sneaking around behind his back while staying at his house.

More background. :) I took my wife to the Meadowlands on our second date! :cool: So she knew I'd like the bookie shops over there. Her advice was to tell her father I liked to play the horses too. He is a reasonable man, she said.

Moving on, like in Groundhog Day the scene in the living room repeated itself the next day when future f-i-l informed me the old guy just took off at a trot! Only this time I told f-i-l that I had to level with him - I liked to play too and I probably would sooner or later. He took it pretty good really - although at the time he didn't know I was going to be around forevermore. :D Anyway, he never did understand my passion but I did take him to the Preakness one year as well as other racetracks over the years. :cool:

Anyway, here's a P.S. related to the old guy across the street. Turns out he was deaf. But for about 15 years every time I went to London to stay with my in-laws I took this man to either Hackney, Romford, or Walthamstowe to watch the dogs run live. (He didn't like to go on his own.) The man could flat out handicap and, in retrospect, I should have buried my pride and followed his advice more often! :blush:

[iceknight]

The book is titled...THE INNER GAME OF GAMBLING: At the track and beyond... and it's scheduled for a summer release. There will, of course, be complimentary copies available for all my Paceadvantage friends.

If it weren't for this board...the book would never have been written. Congratulations Thask (Gus, right?). It is a superb achievement! Look forward to reviewing it and getting your autograph sometime!