Top Ten Good Things about getting older

[Tom]

10. It used to cost me $50 a night to catch a buzz. Now, all I have to do is stand up fast.

[thaskalos]

9. People used to get offended when I didn't respond to their stupid questions. Now, I just close my eyes...and they think that I dozed off.

[LottaKash]

8. The young chicks do not even notice you, even when you blatantly leer at them....Like Invisible-Man....

[mostpost]

7. I can watch the same movie multiple times and be surprised at the ending each time.

[magwell]

6. When you don't want to do something or go somewhere ....just say you don't feel up to it, end of story......;)

[jerry-g]

5. Monday through Friday you can do nothing and then on Saturday and
Sunday, you can rest.

[TJDave]

8. The young chicks do not even notice you, even when you blatantly leer at them....Like Invisible-Man....

If they don't threaten to call the cops you're not doing it right. ;)

[RaceBookJoe]

4. I don't have to waste my time walking to the bathroom to take a leak :)

[Capper Al]

3. It's beterr than the 60's, now Blue Cross pays for our drugs.

[HUSKER55]

#2 you can have the same conversation over and over and they leave your ass alone cause they think you don't understand. Actually I have an equipment malfunction; my "give a shitter" and my "give a damn" are broken.

[LottaKash]

If they don't threaten to call the cops you're not doing it right. ;)

Hey, even if they did call the fuzz, I would just tell them that I was on some "geriatric" meds, and it is only an illusion to the beholder...(the leering)...:jump:

[Dave Schwartz]

LOL - These are great!


Last year we saw the Moody Blues. About halfway through (when they needed a rest), the drummer takes the mike and says, "I celebrated my 70th birthday this year. That's right. I went through the 60s twice."

[DJofSD]

It might not be considered a good thing but these are words that ring true: what I used to do all night now takes me all night to do.

[Steve 'StatMan']

#1 If you don't want to eat or drink anything people try to hand you, you can say "OOH! NO! It'll give me gas!" and they'll back off.

(oh well, even Letterman's #1 is usually not the best one)

[Boris]

#1A Dark socks - Plaid shorts - No problem!

[Tom]

The best thing about getting older........hmmmmmmm.

Depends.

[Actor]

1. You are not dead.

[BlueShoe]

8. The young chicks do not even notice you, even when you blatantly leer at them....Like Invisible-Man....
If they do notice you and smile it almost always means that they are laughing at you because you forgot to zip your zipper and your fly is open. :blush:

[wisconsin]

The best thing about getting older........hmmmmmmm.

Depends.


buh-dump ching :lol:

[sandpit]

Other men finally quit hitting on your wife. :(

[iceknight]

7. I can watch the same movie multiple times and be surprised at the ending each time. What about racing replays?

[IrishRail76]

I'm so old that went I went to school, we didn't even have "History".


I'm so old that the dog sneaks into the bedroom to watch and learn to "beg".


I'm so old that when my wife cooks, we pray *after* we eat.


I told a friend that my wife has cut our sex time to only twice a week. He told me that he knows three guys that she cut off all together.


She likes to talk to me during sex...so, she calls me at work.


Be sure to tip your waitress.


I'll be here all week.

[HUSKER55]

:lol:

[IrishRail76]

(Apologies to anyone who has already posted it.)



A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in acloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared. The man somewhat nervously said, "I think Ikilled your rooster, please allow me to replace him." "Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back."


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A man comes home from a night of drinking. As he falls through the doorway, his wife snaps at him, "What's the big idea coming home half drunk?" The man replies, "I'm sorry honey. I ran out of money."

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A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years ofmarriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.



She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains "Everytime I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer." She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad and asks "But what about the $1,000?" He replied "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them."

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Enjoy a *great* weekend!

[Robert Goren]

1) you get to met lots of good looking nurses.

[Rookies]

1B (courtesy of the New Yorker)

"No (insert day)'s out. How about never? Is never good for you?"

[HUSKER55]

Shopping becomes easier, first stop........stool softeners :D