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cj's dad
03-05-2013, 08:10 AM
CATHOLIC VOCABULARY

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER:A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. Created by boiling the HELL out of it.

HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN:The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original 'Jaws' story.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELEISON:The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (for you non-Catholics it means Lord have mercy)

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS:The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.

JustRalph
03-05-2013, 08:41 AM
HOLY WATER:A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. Created by boiling the HELL out of it.

That's great. Now I know how to create my own......you know, for Exorcisms and vampire attacks.... ... :lol:

TJDave
03-05-2013, 01:34 PM
Altar Boy: Cheap date